


No One Wants to be Alone

by ShinigamiKnox



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Cisgender Kylo, Consecutive Orgasms, Cunnilingus, Emperor Hux, Gender Dysphoria, Hux doesn't cope well, Hux's first name is Vashtastrata, I'm not sure if it counts as major or minor, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Panic Attack, Pre-op, Rimming, Some slightly touch-starved Hux, Testosterone shots, Trans Hux, Trans Male Character, Unsafe Binding Practices, alcohol mention, clitoral stimulation, oral sex for favors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:57:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7364140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiKnox/pseuds/ShinigamiKnox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux had pursued his career as if that were the only thing that mattered in his life. After the destruction of his life's work, he feels himself falling apart at the already frayed seams. His dysphoria paired with the realization that he is alone has him grasping at anything to make him feel something other than depression. </p><p>After a slight mental breakdown after the destruction of Starkiller base, Ren takes it upon himself to make sure the general is okay, because he’s the closest thing he has to a friend, a rival who equally challenges him.</p><p> <em>“So. How much do you want to know?” Hux asked.</em></p><p> <em>“All of it. Scratch that, anything you’re okay with telling me,” Ren amended quickly.</em></p><p> <em>“So, all of it,” Hux said with a nod.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Crack

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my contribution to the trans Hux part of the fandom. I'm basing most of what Hux is going through by what I've experienced or witnessed others experiencing. If something bothers you, I apologize. If I missed any tags, please don't hesitate to tell me. I will probably have to add tags as I write chapters. This can be a sensitive topic and I really don't want to upset anyone. I'm not sure how long this is going to be, but I would really like to explore some things in depth, especially regarding Kylo and Hux's relationship. Being the partner of a transgender individual isn't easy.

“So. How much do you want to know?” Hux asked.

“All of it. Scratch that, anything you’re okay with telling me,” Ren amended quickly.

“So, all of it,” Hux said with a nod.

 

When Vashtastrata Hux was born, her parents named the female child Aesha Hux, after her mother’s mother. She was just like any other child, until her mother passed away at age six and left her alone with her father, Commandant Brendol Hux. Vashta Hux, as she became known as, entered the Academy less than a year after her mother’s death. Her father encouraged her just like he would if she had been his son. She had no clue the difference between male and female at such a young age. The children she had been around were mostly male, especially once she had entered the Academy.

Once enrolled, she became another one of the guys. She grew up around these boys and they didn’t know the difference with her short hair and boyish attitude. For years, she excelled in her studies and her physical training. As she grew older, the differences became more noticeable. At age 12, she noticed her chest was beginning to grow significantly larger than those around her. She found rolls of bandages in the bathroom and began wrapping them tightly around her chest to make herself flat chested. It was painful and hurt her physical performance, but she powered through it.

Barely a year later and the spotting occurred. Fearful that she had some sort of malfunction somewhere in her body, she eventually forced herself down to medical, where her superiors were contacted, and in turn, her father. It was at this time she started menstrual suppressants.

She was too young to really have a say in this. She didn’t understand the repercussions behind such a decision, but her father gave them to her anyways. It would completely stop her menstrual cycle if taken long enough. However, it would completely destroy any chance of children in the future. Her father didn’t bother explaining this to her.

Training continued as normal. She continued to excel at her studies while maintaining an average for physical fitness. She answered to male pronouns without a second thought. Her father began referring to her as his son. Aesha Hux became Vashtastrata Hux, Vashta for short.

By age 17, Vashta began the shots, every couple of months, in his thigh or in his arm. He found himself able to compete with his male peers better after a short time. He was able to gain muscle easier, but still found endurance to be difficult while taping his chest down.

“Here, sweetheart.” One of the medics who helped him with his shots every couple of months handed him what looked to be a shirt of some kind. It looked to be too small for Vashta, but he took it anyway. “It’s a softer material, but should be just as effective,” she explained. He waited until he got back to his bunk to try it on.

The fabric was tight across his bare chest, but not uncomfortably so, like the bandages were. No, he could breathe in this. He could move freely in the half-shirt. The fabric was hemmed just below where his breasts fell. It could easily be hidden under a tank top. It also covered much more skin than the bandages did, which led it to be more supportive and comfortable. He found himself smiling for the first time in a while.

And so, Vashta worked as hard as he could to make it as far as he could. It wasn’t always as straightforward as he would have liked. He found himself stuck at a certain rank, being passed over for a promotion by people seemingly less ambitious than himself. He had a sinking thought that someone had found out his predicament and had called for him to be stalled at his current position. That was his thought process until he walked in on his colleague blowing his superior. Only after that colleague had been promoted did he realize what had happened. He decided that night that he would do what he needed to continue his upward climb on the military ladder.

Not long after, he was promoted. The cycle continued for the most part. His promotion to general had been decided entirely on his work ethic. The Supreme Leader had specially picked him to command a small fleet into an impossible strike, a suicide mission. Yet Hux had completed it while only losing half of his fleet. He was competent, he had shown the Supreme Leader that much.

Just before he was to take command of the _Finalizer_ , his father passed away. Hux took barely any time at all to return home and pay his respects. By then, he was in his late twenties. He was one of the youngest generals in the galaxy and prided himself on just that. He had little time to do much else than focus on the First Order. Everything was as it should have been.

Then Kylo Ren crash landed into the _Finalizer_. Not literally, of course, but Hux thought he may as well have. Ren arrived in that stupid mask of his and his air of authority that Hux found himself clashing with.

It only got worse as they worked together. Ren didn’t know how to reign in his emotions. He attacked Stormtroopers as if it were his duty to do so. He believed himself to be above everyone simply because of his Force abilities. He believed everyone should fear him for the same reason. Hux could only role his eyes at the child.

Then, Hux began training with him. His larger frame gave him an advantage, even when he wasn’t using the Force. Hux realized he had no physical reason for the mask and hated him more for it. This man-child, Hux found himself thinking one day, he doesn’t have to fight for anything in his life. He was _given_ anything he ever wanted. Hux found himself embarrassingly envious over Kylo fucking Ren. He wanted to scream.

Hux had a lithe form. He had always been insecure about his body since he became self-aware of his differences. He still wore binders every day. He still packed. He couldn’t afford to take time off to heal from surgery simply because his anatomy wasn’t adequate. No, it wasn’t causing him any health issues, so he could manage just how he was. It didn’t mean he was comfortable with it.

So, when Kylo fucking Ren came waltzing in with his chaotic outbursts and abuse of power, Hux was bitter. He could control himself much better than Kylo fucking Ren. He should have been the one born with Ren’s strength and Force ability. He should have been the one born with the fucking penis—

Hux swallowed the last of the bottle of whiskey in front of him. ‘Fuck him,’ Hux thought. ‘Fuck him and fuck everything about him.’ He always got this way when he drank, so disgustingly envious. He had to work so much harder than those around him, it wasn’t fair. He had to go through the pain of binding for Force knows how long each day. He had to face himself in the mirror each morning. He had to force himself down to medical to retrieve that fucking blue vial and syringe. Yet, he could still contain his anger and hatred better than Kylo _fucking_ Ren.

As Hux was mentally cursing out his “co-commander,” the dark robes of his counterpart swished into the small room. The room was commonly used as a breakroom for workers on shift, but since it was the night shift, no one but Hux occupied the room.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping, or training, or something?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” His voice sounded weird behind the stupid mask, Hux thought. What was the point of him wearing it? Just because he looked young or idealized some figure that at some point held some significance. Hux didn’t understand it and didn’t suppose he ever would.

“Right. I should be sleeping myself.” Hux began to gather himself up.

“You look a little…tipsy.”

“What I do in my spare time is none of your business.”

“I was merely observing, General. I’m sure even in your _intoxicated_ state, you would still manage to conduct your troops in a sound manner if need be.” Despite the words sounding like a compliment, the tone was condescending.

“If, and I do mean _if_ , the ship was attacked, there are other channels that could handle it while I am not on duty. I’ve trained my men well, Ren.” Hux pulled his greatcoat over his shoulders and shoved his arms through each sleeve.

“You don’t need to leave. Perhaps we could reach an understanding.” Ren set an identical bottle of whiskey on the table in front of Hux’s previously inhabited chair. “Just for tonight.”

“Why in the galaxy would I do that?”

“Because you’re still coherent enough to be plagued by those thoughts of yours.”

Hux hesitated a few moments before shrugging his coat off and setting it back over the chair. “Don’t get too comfortable.”

“Absolutely, General.” Ren shed his mask and took the seat across the small table from the general. Hux wanted to smack that idiotic smirk off his face.

A few more drinks and that intense hatred for Ren and all cisgender males faded to resignation. His envy wouldn’t solve anything, he was still in the same situation with the same emotions roiling around in his head. Mostly, he was too drunk to care. It was nice to feel as if he had nothing to worry about but First Order stuff. It made him feel like even more of a man, as if he deserved the title of general. He had given his life for the First Order. He was the Supreme Leader’s to command.

Ren stayed quiet as they drank. Hux was thankful for the only somewhat awkward silence. He could enjoy his inebriation in peace.

After only a couple drinks, Ren began feeling that pleasant buzz. The Force surrounding him felt distant, as if it wouldn’t bend easily to his will if he tried. He didn’t care for that feeling of isolation, but the buzz in his head made it somewhat agreeable. It had been a while since he had even looked at alcohol, let alone drank. He’d certainly not touched it since joining the First Order.

“Congratulations on the completion of the Starkiller base,” Ren eventually said.

“Oh,” Hux shook himself out of his thoughts. “Thank you…Lord Ren.”

Ren found himself almost smiling at the shocked sincerity of Hux’s voice when he used his title. He stifled it with another sip.

“I suppose you’ll be firing it soon? Has Snoke informed you of which planet you’ll be testing it on?”

“The Hosnian System.”

“That makes sense. That will certainly cause quite the impact.”

“That’s the plan.”

“When?”

“Not soon enough.”

Ren found himself chuckling. “Of course, General. If you had your way, the Hosnian system would be in pieces already.” The corners of Hux’s mouth turned up slightly, affirming what Ren had said. “I’m sure you’re pleased.”

“Pleased about a victory of the First Order? Who wouldn’t be?”

Ren took a sip. “Yes. I suppose so.”

“You _suppose_ so?”

Ren nodded. His expression seemed guarded somehow.

“You have concerns,” Hux guessed. “Do you suddenly have a moral problem with how the First Order conducts warfare?” Hux purposefully avoided the term ‘treason.’

“No. Concerns, yes, but not for the tactics of the First Order. The Supreme Leader knows what he’s doing, I believe that.”

“What are your concerns then?” Hux blamed the alcohol in his system for his curiosity.

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Will it bring about a temper tantrum?”

“I do _not_ have temper tantrums. I am not a child.”

Hux snorted. “Absolutely, Lord Ren. However, let’s say, for some ridiculous reason, that I’m want to know about your concerns.”

“Even if they involve the ‘magic’ you so fear?”

“Fear? I certainly do not fear you.”

“No. You don’t.” Ren didn’t look surprised by this. “But you do fear a force you can’t see or control.”

“Considering you can’t even control it, yes, I hold a healthy fear of _your magic_.” Hux said the words with a look of disgust. “That is why your concerns could be construed to be important to me.” Hux found himself tripping over his words. He was struggling to find a way to phrase his interest in the subject matter without seeming too interested but the fogginess of his thought process was making it difficult.

“That’s part of the problem. It can be somewhat unpredictable.” Ren thought about telling Hux the effect alcohol was having on the Force around him. He quickly thought better of that. Informing Hux of a weakness of his was not a good idea.

“I’m glad you realize.”

“I do, probably more than anyone here.”

“Why would that cause a problem regarding the use of the weapon?”

Ren took a drink as he contemplated telling Hux. It really couldn’t hurt anything. “That much death, it will definitely cause fluctuations with the Force. Most likely, there will be pain. The Supreme Leader believes it will make me strong. I believe that. But I don’t know how it will transpire.”

“Are you afraid?” Hux asked in disbelief. He couldn’t hide his amusement.

“No!” Ren sounded entirely too defensive. “No,” he said in a calmer tone. “I trust everything will be for the best. I just don’t like not knowing.”

“So, I assume you’ll be in your rooms here on the ship instead of on the base?”

“Ideally, yes. I’d rather be alone during such a delicate time.”

“Do you need someone to check on you afterwards? To make sure you aren’t dead in your rooms?”

“No.”

“Do you want someone stationed in your rooms?”

“For what? Comfort?” Ren scoffed at the idea. “Since when do you care if I’m comfortable?”

“I don’t. I just don’t want to entertain the idea that your corpse would go unnoticed until someone smelled it rotting.”

“The pain won’t kill me. I assure you.”

“If you say so.”

Ren kept his gaze on Hux as they both kept drinking. Only when Hux attempted to stand to use the refresher did he realize just how intoxicated he was. Taking a moment to get the room to quit spinning, he excused himself for the night with a quick thank you aimed at Ren.

“Do you need assistance getting back to your room, General?” Ren looked at Hux trying to get his arms through his coat.

“No.”

“Are you sure? You seem barely able to stand.”

“I will be fine. Thank you for the concern,” Hux found himself sneering.

“I’m heading out anyways. If I have any more, I’m afraid I won’t be of any use tomorrow.”

“Then I bid you a good night, Lord Ren.”

“You as well, General.”


	2. Destruction of the Hosnian System

After making his way to his room, Hux fumbled out of his clothing and out of his binder before falling against his sheets and into a deep sleep. The next couple of cycles were manageable. He had been going through the pile of paperwork on his desk when Snoke requested his presence to inform him he’d be going down to the base. Time went by quickly after that conference. He and a few officers took a shuttle to the base where preparations were underway. 

It wasn’t long at all before Hux found himself in front of what appeared to be thousands of white helmets all staring up at him in expectation. He was used to appearing confident even when he was not, but this was the first time he could see just how many people he was supposed to encourage. He didn’t spare any thought about what Ren had said to him that night. With his officers behind him, he took a deep breath and stepped forward.

“Today is the end of the Republic. The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder…”

With a confident, neutral expression, he made the order, “Fire!” Anyone close to him could have visibly seen him trembling. He was lightheaded from sleep deprivation due to his insomnia but the adrenaline coursed through his system.

It was only after he saw the large, red beam of energy make its way through the atmosphere of the base and into the dark galaxy did he remember what Ren had said. He felt himself shiver at the idea of _feeling_ each and every organism’s death in the Hosnian system. He could only imagine Ren writhing in his bed or on his floor. Would he beg for the pain to stop or embrace it? Would he actually become stronger?

Hux stopped himself before he could speculate too much. Ren was not his concern. The silence that followed the loud explosion was deafening. Hux released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding as an officer reached out for his shoulder.

“Sir?”

 

The moment he was back on the _Finalizer_ , he went in search of Ren. After inquiring a few of the officers stationed at different posts, he found Ren had locked himself in his room once the general had left, as he said he would.

It was just to make sure he had survived, Hux repeated to himself as he made the walk to Ren’s rooms. His first couple of knocks were ignored. Hux reluctantly used an override code to open the doors.

Hux wasn’t surprised that the first room appeared uninhabited. Furniture looked like it hadn’t been touched since being put in and the room was in pristine shape. There were no clothes lying around or any personal effects. So, Hux made his way to the dimly light room off to the left. The door was closed, so Hux knocked and called out to Ren quietly. When receiving no answer, Hux let himself into Ren’s bedroom.

Similar to his room, there had been a dresser, a desk with a chair, and a bed with a bedside table next to it. The only hints that someone had actually used this room was the helmet on the dresser, the cowl on the floor in front of it, and a couple of datapads on the desk. Well, besides the rather obvious pile of a man lying on the bedsheets.

“Ren?” Hux tried calling out again. “You said you wouldn’t die.”

The mass on the bed groaned then exhaled shakily. “Not dead,” he said curtly in what sounded like a strained voice.

“Not doing so good either. Perhaps you should have gone to the medbay instead of toughing it out in your room.”

“No.” Ren offered no explanation, instead shifted so he could sit up to look at Hux.

“You look like absolute shit.”

“Thank you,” he bit out. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was flushed. His cheeks were covered in dried tracks of tears that he tried wiping away. His bottom lip had been bitten to the point of bleeding all along the inside of the lip, making his lips look dry and chapped. His hair was disheveled, more so than usual and there were dark circles under his eyes like he hadn’t been sleeping. On his face was a constant grimace that suggested he was still in pain.

“When was the last time you ate?”

Ren had trouble focusing his eyes on Hux. “I don’t remember.” He groaned again. “What time is it now?”

“22:50,” Hux provided.

“Last cycle, probably.”

“When did you sleep last?”

“Slept fine. Just earlier,” Ren stifled a gasp. “Didn’t account for loved ones finding out. Oh, there’s so much _agony_.”

“You’re feeling it all.”

“More like, it’s passing through me,” he said through gritted teeth. “Fuck!”

“How much longer?”

“I don’t know!” Ren just wanted a moment of peace, a quick reprieve.

“Do you have any more of that whiskey around here?”

“Is now really the time for you to get drunk again?” Ren snapped.

“Not for me. For you. Intoxication will ease at least some of the pain.”

“Bottom drawer of the desk.”

There wasn’t much else in the drawer so he didn’t have to go searching. “Glasses?”

Ren just held out his hand. Hux unscrewed the top and handed it over. Ren downed three full gulps easily before taking a breath. “You won’t speak of this to anyone,” Ren’s voice was harsh, but barely above a whisper.

“Are you trying to use your Jedi mind tricks on me?” Hux asked more out of curiosity than anger.

“No.” It was more of a groan than an actual response. Hux took a seat on the very edge of Ren’s bed.

“Wow. You’re not even denying the ‘Jedi’ part, you must really feel like shit.” Hux received only a glare in return before Ren took another couple of drinks.

“The burning feels good. It feels real.”

“Okay, but slow down. You don’t want alcohol poisoning.” Hux took the bottle away to set it on the bedside table. Ren put his arms around himself and dug his fingertips into his upper arms. Hux could see his knuckles turning white from the force of his grasp.

‘I’m not concerned for his wellbeing. I’m just making sure Snoke’s pet doesn’t die on my watch,’ Hux kept repeating to himself.

“How many hours has it been?” Ren asked.

“Since the Hosnian system was destroyed? Five.”

Ren groaned loudly.

“Have you been like this since then?”

Ren nodded as he reached around Hux for the bottle. Hux let him go for a couple seconds before prying it from Ren’s grasp again.

“People are finding out their family members or friends--whoever the fuck—if they were on any of the five planets. So many—grieving, in pain. Fuck, this could go on for days. The initial shock was jarring, but this is a constant sharp ache.”

Hux wasn’t sure how else to help, so he stayed quiet next to Ren for the time being.

“Hux, get out,” Ren said out of nowhere.

“I don’t think you should be alone—“

“Get out!” The bottle on the table shook and the cowl on the floor fluttered slightly. “I don’t care if you come back later, just leave me alone now.”

“That makes absolutely no sense—Are you crying?”

“No!”

“You are.”

Ren glared at him but the tears spilling over onto his already tearstained cheeks made it much less threatening. “I cannot control it,” he said behind clenched teeth. “It’s _them_.” Ren gestured above and behind him. “They’re all so sad and crying their fucking eyes out.”

“So, you’re crying your eyes out.”

Ren rested his forehead against his forearms with his head down. He may not have been able to stop the tears from falling, but he could do his best to hide the weakness from Hux. He thought he was doing a rather fantastic job of it until the body-wracking sobs started.

Hux reluctantly carded his fingers through Ren’s hair. It was a small gesture his father would use to calm Hux down when he was young. He had always found it comforting. Hux found himself quietly shushing Ren, another tactic his father would use.

It was some time before Ren’s breathing slowed. Hux removed his hand long before Ren lifted his head. His face seemed to relax a bit from the grimace. Ren grabbed the bottle again without even a glance at Hux.

“It gets overwhelming. It’s almost like I can feel what that specific person or a group of people are feeling. It can manifest in a variety of ways. Crying seems to be a popular response,” Ren explained as he kept his eyes on the glass bottle.

“Right.” Hux nodded as if he understood.

“It’s getting better.”

“Is it?”

“Being intoxicated separates me from the Force. The separation is making it easier to separate myself from those feelings.”

“So, basically, if I ever wanted to weaken you, I just need to get you drunk?”

“Theoretically, yes.” Ren glanced worriedly at Hux.

“Don’t worry. I don’t have a death wish.” Hux got up from his spot on Ren’s bed to go into his refresher. Just like Hux’s room, there were small cloths under the sink. He brought a couple over to Ren’s table and handed one to Ren.

“If you say a word—“ Ren started as he took the cloth from Hux.

“Again, don’t worry. I don’t want anyone knowing I helped you. They might get the wrong idea that I actually care.”

Ren snorted, the first hint that he was past the point of tipsy. “General Vashhhta Hux,” he slurred Hux’s first name, as if his tongue wouldn’t cooperate, “certainly does not care.”

“Maybe you should lay down, Ren. Try to get some sleep.”

“If I sober up in my sleep, the pain will just come back.”

“Then you’ll get up and continue drinking,” Hux rolled his eyes. “You know, not many people are lucky enough to actually have a reason to drink.”

“Many people drink away their pain,” Ren said in an eerily sober-sounding voice.

“You got me there.” Hux pushed his shoulders down to get him to lay on his side. “Stay on your side.”

“Hux, they’re so lonely.” Ren wrapped his arms around his chest again as he began trembling again. Hux cursed the pitiful feeling Ren was giving him. He would definitely regret this come tomorrow. With a long sigh, he put a hand over Ren’s on his upper arm and began shushing him again.

“That’s them. They’re not your feelings, your thoughts.” Hux pulled the sheets up over Ren when he began shivering. Eventually, Hux laid down next to Ren with his back against Ren’s back. The warmth of his body was quite prevalent and lulled Hux into a light sleep while Ren snored behind him.

A few standard hours later, he woke to Ren’s arm resting around his upper torso and his broad chest against his back. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as he thought it would be but he still pushed himself out of Ren’s grasp. He stretched and stifled a groan from the way his binder was cutting into his back. He spent the next three standard hours at Ren’s desk, running through messages on his datapad before he had to be back on the bridge for his shift. Ren barely moved a muscle in that time and Hux was able to sneak out unnoticed.

By the end of his shift, he was counting the hours he had spent in his binder. Usually he was so good planning every detail of his personal life for this reason. Often, it would be ten or more hours before he could get out of his binder. He was going on thirty-seven hours by the time he was ending his shift and heading to Ren’s room again to check on him before he went to his own quarters.

Ren was sitting at his desk, appearing to be in much better shape than the prior night. After making sure he had eaten and truly was feeling better (and not just saying it to get out of a trip to the medbay), Hux made his way back to his room feeling rather hopeful about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple of chapters are going to be a bit boring. I decided to go into some detail about scenes in TFA, so it follows the plot quite closely. Hopefully they're pretty short. Chapter 5 should pick up right after the destruction of Starkiller base.


	3. The Scavenger Girl

It wasn’t long at all before Kylo Ren got his hands on the scavenger girl from Jakku. With her in his grasp, he felt he didn’t need to worry about getting the droid.

Hux made sure it was him who watched the interrogation take place from a holoscreen in another room. Ren didn’t think it would be difficult to get the last part of the map from her; she was just a scavenger girl.

“So lonely…so afraid to leave…at night, desperate to sleep,” Ren murmured. Hux was surprised to see Ren without his mask on. He supposed being able to see her without the impaired vision of the mask would make things easier.

“You imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island,” Ren continues talking, his voice quiet. Hux didn’t particularly understand, he wasn’t seeing what Ren was seeing. But he could imagine a person who had never left the desert of Jakku would desire to be somewhere with water.

“And Han Solo.” The name held some significance to Ren, that much was clear. That made sense. He played quite the roll in the destruction of the last Empire endeavor. “You feel like he’s the father you never had,” Ren said curiously. With an amused tone, he continued, “He would have disappointed you.

“I know you’ve seen the map. It’s in there.” He looked up at her head. “And now you’ll give it to me.”

The girl was resisting, similar to the pilot.

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it, too.” Ren sounded reassuring, almost…gentle. What he meant was beyond Hux.

Ren had his arm outstretched towards the girl. He seemed to be struggling despite the girl being pulled forward against the restraints. Hux could see the anger beginning to show on his features. He didn’t know what he was doing to her, but he could tell something was going wrong.

“You. You’re afraid,” the girl said in a confident tone. “That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader.”

The hand dropped and she fell back against the metal. Ren immediately left the room, clearly shaken. Hux watched the screen, trying to process what had happened, until he heard Ren’s heavy footsteps heading towards the Supreme Leader’s chamber. Ren had lost against a mere scavenger girl. They wouldn’t have had this problem with the droid. If Ren had just gotten the droid they needed, the First Order wouldn’t have had to rely on an unstable Force-user. Hux could have dismantled that droid faster than Ren could fuck up again.

Hux could feel his own anger rising up with the feeling of impotence again. Ren always had this effect on him.

“…stronger than she knows!” Ren was explaining his failure to the Supreme Leader.

“And the droid?” Snoke asked.

“Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us, that the girl was all we needed.” Hux noticed Ren taking a deep breath. “As a result,” Hux continued, “the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.” So would we, Hux thought with a sneer, if Ren could do something right for once. “We have their location. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.” At least Hux could attempt to clean up the mess Ren had made, he could do that much.

Hux made his exit after the Supreme Leader instructed him to prepare the weapon for another attack. On his way out, he overheard Ren requesting Snoke’s guidance so he could try to get the map again. He wasn’t surprised to hear Ren’s footsteps behind him turn off into the room again. He was, however, surprised to hear the screams of anger and the ignition of his lightsaber. Hux kept on walking. It wasn’t his business, not yet it wasn’t. When the report about an interrogation chamber being destroyed came in, then it would become his business.

Hux pushed any thoughts on the matter to the back of his mind as he began ordering his officers to begin the charging of the weapon.


	4. The Fall

Rey had escaped. Hux feared for a second that another Stormtrooper had gone off the rails and decided to defect. He didn’t need that over his head, but he couldn’t think of that at the time. No, he had to command his troops. X-wing pilots swarmed the base and had begun their attack.

Meanwhile, Ren was going after Rey. He couldn’t sense her as easily as he could Han Solo’s presence on base. She kept moving, that much he knew. He tried to stop her before she could take a TIE fighter, like the pilot and Stormtrooper had or before she met up with Han Solo. It would be even more of a hassle to get her out of his grasp.

Hux was confident they could fire off the weapon before any significant damage was taken. What could the Resistance pilots do in fifteen minutes? Even still, he willed the systems to charge faster.

Ren left the retrieval of Rey to the handful of troopers he had looking for her. She wouldn’t be able to leave the base, not without being captured. He made his way down the metal bridge, hoping the quiet would help him concentrate.

“Ben!”

Ren had sensed Han’s presence before he had said a word. He was sure Han wouldn’t call attention to himself but he’d proven Ren wrong.

“Han Solo.” Ren turned to face the man before him. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.”

“Take off that mask. You don’t need it.” Han sounded upset. Then again, who wouldn’t be in his position?

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” Ren challenged.

“The face of my son.”

Something about his tone encouraged him to reach up for the clasps. “Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him.” What kind of father left his son so often? Clearly Han, the smuggler, wasn’t made to be a father or to stay in one place too long. The galaxy was more important to him. Ren wasn’t bitter. Not at all.

“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe, but it’s not true. My son is alive.” Han had to have hope. He truly loved his son, but he blamed himself for what Snoke had done to Ben.

“No. The Supreme Leader is wise.”

“Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you,” Han tried to get Ren to understand. Looking into the familiar brown eyes, Han realized his son already knew that. “You know it’s true,” his tone was sad. He wanted better for his son. He didn’t deserve this life, to be used as a tool then discarded.

“It’s too late,” Kylo affirmed. This was the path he had decided on. It was his decision alone.

“No. It’s not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.” Han wasn’t lying. He would give up the world to have Ben back home with him and Leia. It broke his heart seeing Ben like this.

Ren could feel his eyes watering but he didn’t look away. “I’m being torn apart,” his voice cracked slightly, “I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.” The words didn’t taste right on his tongue. “Will you help me?” He’d never asked his father for help. Asking reminded him of watching Han leave on the Millennium Falcon, not knowing when or if he’d return, of how he couldn’t rely on his own father to be there if he needed him.

He unclipped the lightsaber hilt from his belt and held it out. He had to get Han to trust him. It wasn’t difficult with Han being so hopeful in saving his son. As Han grabbed the hilt, the world around the base grew dark.

Meanwhile, Hux breathed a sigh of relief. The Resistance couldn’t manage to do much harm in two minutes. The First Order had won; he had won.

Kylo barely registered the darkness. He and Han are in their own world. This will bring him closer to the Dark side, it had to. But the man in front of him, the soft, loving gaze only served to remind him of the times Han taught him how to fly the Millennium Falcon, how he’d embrace him and tell him he loved Ben when he was there. Ren had to push past all those nice memories and delve into the feelings of loneliness and hatred, like the Supreme Leader taught him to. With a quick flick of the wrist, he twisted the end towards Han and activated the blade. Neither man hear the wails of horror from Rey and Chewbacca.

Han saw little Ben struggling behind those dark, cruel eyes.

“Thank you.”

Han wasn’t sure who said it. He reached out for his only son. He wanted to see the gentle brown eyes of Ben, one last comfort before he passed on. But as his hand touched Ren’s cheek, all he saw were dark, glowing eyes full of rage. If his eyes weren’t enough, Han felt Ren’s strong, sure hand on his arm, pushing him off his lightsaber and into the void. Han died with the fear that Kylo Ren had won, that the Dark side waging war within his son had won.

Before Ren could recover, Chewbacca raised his bowcaster and without much hesitation, shot Ren in the side. Despite Ren being the man that killed his best friend, Chewie couldn’t stand to be the one to kill Ben Solo.

Kylo was stunned for a moment before the pain began radiating throughout his body. Ren could see the base beginning to explode around him, but once his eyes set on Rey and Finn, the rage carried him forward. Mask forgotten, he set off after them.

Fueled by aggression and rage, he powered forward to catch up to them. Before Rey had a chance to fire off her blaster, he knocked her back easily. It was clear Finn had very little experience, if any at all, fighting with a lightsaber. Ren expected to finish Hux’s traitor off quickly.

“Traitor!” He could feel the anger through his system, giving him power. “That lightsaber. It belongs to me.”

A shot to Ren’s shoulder made them both pause. Ren could feel the adrenaline empowering him. With a final swipe, Finn lost his grip on the lightsaber hilt. Ren brought his fist around to hit his wounded shoulder and sliced along his spine, taking him out of commission.

When he reached out with the Force to retrieve the saber, he felt a blockage. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn’t able to reach the hilt. When he saw it move, he realized it wasn’t him moving it and was barely able to move back before it hit him in the face.

Kylo didn’t expect to have a problem fighting her, even with the shoulder and bowcaster wound. He was trained, she was not. She attacked in sloppy swings that he had no problem blocking. She could barely hold off his forceful strikes.

With her back so close to a recently materialized rift, Ren found himself unable to push her any further. Once again, another Force was blocking him.

Suddenly the tables were turned and she went on the offensive. By the time she was done with him, he had another saber wound on his other shoulder, a sliced knee, a stab wound on his opposite foot, and a deep cut bisecting his face. Unable to even get up, he was lucky a rift emerged between them.

Hux realized with dread how wrong he had been. The Resistance pilots managed to somehow destroy the oscillator that would lead to the eventual destruction of the base. When he felt the tremors in the floor, he moved into action.

“Supreme Leader, the fuel cells have ruptured. The collapse of the planet has begun.” The room around him was collapsing as he spoke.

“Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren. It is time to complete his training.”

Hux really shouldn’t be surprised that Snoke wanted Kylo. He was going to be lucky if he made it out of that meeting alive, if he made it off the base alive. First thing he had to worry about was getting Snoke’s pet off the exploding base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today since chapter 3 was so short


	5. Rescue

Hux was grateful for the tracker in Ren’s robes. Ren was lying in the snow when Hux found him. He was almost sure he was dead. The blood around him, specifically his head and side, concerned Hux the most. With limited men, it was up to Hux to get Ren into the shuttle and quickly. Thankfully, the adrenaline boost helped him pull Ren up out of the snow. On the short walk back to the shuttle, Ren lost consciousness.

The few troopers in the shuttle weren’t medically trained but did help Hux get Ren onto a makeshift bed. The heavy robes he wore were a pain to get off of his body. As the shuttle was piloted away from the base, Hux didn’t have time to watch the base explode. He was too busy pulling and cutting away several layers of clothing.

Most of the saber wounds were cauterized from the blade so he focused on the bowcaster wound and the slash in his face, the two wounds that were still bleeding. The Stormtroopers kept their distance, afraid of Ren even while he was unconscious.

By the time they had returned to the _Finalizer_ , Hux had patched up his wounds enough that the bleeding had stopped. Ren was in and out of consciousness and attacking everyone who came near him that wasn’t Hux. So, Hux was stuck accompanying a disruptive Ren to the medbay.

The droids began working immediately on the different wounds. When he was sure Ren would be compliant, he removed himself from the room.

He spent the next few standard hours in his office, beginning on the pile of paperwork that he was going to need to finish. Report after report came in from surviving squadrons. Hux was becoming increasingly worried about Phasma. She had been a close friend of his and more inspirational than he would ever admit. She was one of the highest ranked female officer and one of his closest friends. Despite that, she didn’t know about Hux being a trans male.

After several hours, he decided to take a small break and check in on Ren. He was conscious and agitated but healing. None of his wounds were life-threatening alone, but together, they were concerning.

“I’m glad you’re not dead,” Hux broke the silence as he pulled up a chair.

“No, you’re not.” The corners of his mouth lifted slightly.

“Well, if you had died, the Supreme Leader would have me killed quicker than I could think it. How are you feeling?” After all the loss Hux had witnessed, he was actually relieved for Ren’s safety.

“I’m alive.”

“That you are.”

“…Thanks to you.”

“I didn’t have much choice in the matter.”

“Accept the fucking thank you, Hux.”

“…You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t realize you were that strong,” Ren sounded genuinely impressed. Hux had to admit, nothing had made him feel quite as masculine as being able to carry Ren’s dead weight.

“Neither did I.”

“You’re not asking about her.”

“The scavenger girl? I wasn’t going to be presumptuous.”

“You? Not presumptuous?”

“Okay. Then why are you sitting in a medbay bed, covered in bacta patches, while she walks freely?” Hux crossed his legs and looked at Ren.

“She’s strong.”

“Thank you, Ren. I had assumed someone who could outdo you was weak,” Hux said sarcastically.

“Wow, that was almost a compliment. She doesn’t realize how strong she is.”

“You know, Ren, everything is pretty disastrous. Let me remind you, Starkiller base was destroyed, the girl got away, we do not have the map to Skywalker, and we’ve lost a lot of men and resources.”

“We’ll recover.”

“We’ll try.”

“The Republic doesn’t stand a chance against the First Order.” Ren paused. “He won’t kill you. You’re still useful.”

“Thank you, Lord Ren. I live for your reassurance.”

“You’re worried.”

“Leave it alone, Ren.”

“General,” Ren murmured in a quiet, almost vulnerable tone. “You…helped me, before, that one night. After the Hosnian—“

“Yes,” Hux cut him off. “What about it?”

“Could we—Could you, possibly, do that again?” Ren didn’t look at Hux, instead choose to look at his hands.

“Do what, exactly?”

“Not be a dick, for just a little bit.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Han Solo is dead.”

“Okay.” Hux was expecting more.

“It was supposed to help, killing him was supposed to kill the Light.”

“Okay, I’m going to need a bit more information.”

“Solo was my father. Killing him was supposed to get rid of any distractions, any pulls towards the Light side of the Force.”

“Did it not?”

“It caused pain, which I suppose the Supreme Leader was hoping for, but other than that, I don’t feel any different.”

“Did losing as many people as we did on the base cause you pain?” Hux asked curiously.

“Not as badly as five planets. People are always dying, Hux. I barely noticed.”

“Your father’s death caused more pain than countless men on our base.”

“Yes. For a reason I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Something Force-related then.”

Ren nodded.

“You’re crying again.” Hux felt the need to look away from the tears running down Ren’s cheeks.

Ren brought the edge of the blanket over his body to wipe the tears away. “Fuck.”

“You really aren’t in much control over your emotions, are you?”

“Now you know why I wear a mask,” Ren joked.

“I hope you’re not expecting me to stay the entire night again. I have so much I need to do.”

“And you’re here with me? I feel honored.”

“Again, just making sure you don’t die on us. The Supreme Leader requests your presence, to finish your training.”

“Naturally.”

Hux uncrossed his legs and grabbed the corner of the blanket and dabbed at Ren’s cheek as gently as he could. Ren looked over at Hux.

“You are so awkward. Were you never held as a child?” Ren asked with a chuckle.

“No,” Hux said without so much as a hint of a smile.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Huh. Gimme your hand.” When Hux hesitated, Ren reached out for his hand and brought it to his face, his palm rough against Ren’s cheek. Holding Hux’s hand between his and his cheek, Ren nuzzled up against his palm.

“That feels weird.”

“No talking,” Ren murmured. Hux brushed his thumb against Ren’s tear-stained cheeks, wiping away the fresh tears.

“I could gouge your eye out before you even knew what happened.” Hux kept brushing his thumb along Ren’s damp cheek.

“Comforting. Do you really need to be, well, like you right now?”

“Yes.” The intimacy was making Hux uncomfortable. His automatic response was to try and separate himself from Ren. This was too close.

“Can you, just, do what you did last time?” Ren asked, barely above a whisper.

Hux took a deep breath before putting his free hand on Ren’s upper arm, rubbing slowly. Hux removed his hand from Ren’s face and Ren let his hands drop down on his chest. Hux averted his gaze from Ren as he continued running his hand up and down Ren’s arm.

After a short time, Ren pushed himself up slowly into a sitting position. He leaned forward towards Hux while Hux reached out to catch his shoulders. When Ren groaned in pain, Hux moved his hands away from his shoulder wounds and to his upper arms.

“Hux, have you even _heard_ of a hug?”

“Is that what you were trying to do?” Hux kept Ren an arm’s length away. Ren nodded. “All right.” Hux stood so Ren didn’t have to lean over so much and strain the bowcaster wound. With his thighs pressed against the edge of the bed, as close as he could get, Hux let Ren fall against his stomach. He buried his face into Hux’s uniform shirt, still spotted with Ren’s blood. Hux let his hands fall onto the top of Ren’s head and stroked his hair slowly. He could feel Ren’s ragged breath through his layers and his trembling body under his hands.

“I didn’t know a Knight of Ren needed comfort,” Hux said with a slightly nervous chuckle.

“They don’t,” Ren said, muffled by Hux’s clothes. “Which is why you won’t say a word.”

“Of course, Lord Ren.” Hux glanced down at the long, dark locks. “People might begin to think I care.”

“You do.”

“Fuck you,” Hux said without any real venom as he pushed Ren’s hair behind his ear. He wasn’t used to being this gentle with anything. “Hey, hey,” Hux pushed Ren back a bit. “Now you have a reason to hide behind a mask.”

With a groan, Ren fell forward into Hux again. “I don’t have an extra one.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I left it on the base. Kind of left in a hurry.”

“Right. I’m sure we can find you something. Maybe a bag over your head. That would be an improvement.” Hux felt what must have been a chuckle on his abdomen. After a long moment, Hux pushed Ren back down onto the pillows. “I have work to get done. I can’t sit with you here all night. Try and get some sleep, Lord Ren.”

“…Thank you, again, General.”

“Sleep, Ren.” Hux made his way back to the bridge. The officers on the nightshift were working as usual, as if nothing had happened. Hux watched the sparse crew for a time, just breathing in the perfect order taking place before him. This was his doing, he made this ship run effectively. He was responsible for this.

He was also responsible for the loss of the base.

He decided to find and talk to Captain Phasma before getting back to the piles of paperwork currently piling up on his desk. An hour going through the medbay intake files proved to be fruitless. Reports kept pinging on his datapad and after checking her quarters, he decided to abandon the effort for the time being.

Hux sat at his desk with a cup of caf and set to work. He kept reading report after report until they started blurring together. Only then did he reach for the pair of glasses in his top drawer of his desk. The next report came from a lieutenant that had witnessed Phasma being led by what appeared to be a group of rebels with FN-2187.

‘She was led to the control room where she proceeded to disarm the shields around the base.’

It was all very factual, no emotion present in the report. She had no chance against a wookie and two humanoids with blasters. She was alone.

‘They proceeded to lead her to a nearby trash receptacle. It is unlikely she escaped the base.’

Unlikely but not impossible, she was crafty and indestructible. But Hux was familiar with the trash removal system, he had overseen the design it after all. There was no escaping for Captain Phasma. She was to be marked as deceased.

Hux found his vision blurring as he typed into the system, another officer down. How many did that make? He had lost count.


	6. The Aftermath

“Have you been here the entire time?” Ren’s unaltered voice broke what was left of Hux’s concentration. He felt the tears spill over onto his face when he blinked. Pushing the glasses up onto his head, he wiped the wetness away before he lifted his head to look at Ren.

“Someone has to go through everything.”

“You should take a short break.”

“You should be sleeping.” Ren had managed to pull on a pair of black slacks and a black undershirt with the First Order symbol over the left side of his chest. Hux could see the dark red gashes on his shoulders. He had his arm around his torso, his hand over the spot the bowcaster had hit.

“I couldn’t sleep. Besides, you look like you could use some…comfort?”

“Your presence is far from comforting.”

“No, but this is.” Ren brought out a bottle of whiskey, identical to the kind they had shared before, from behind his back.

“Where…? You know what? Nevermind. I don’t want to know.”

Ren pushed himself off the doorframe and fell into the chair across from Hux.

“I doubt this’ll help you heal.”

Ren shrugged, very slowly. “I heal quickly.”

“Is that a Force thing?”

“No,” Ren said with a chuckle. “Drink up. You’re practically yelling your emotions.”

“Does that get annoying?” Hux opened the top and took a good, long drink of the burning liquid. “Hearing peoples’ minds?”

“Usually thoughts aren’t that loud. I can tune them out when I want. But I’m weak, you’re distressed, tensions are high.” Ren accepted the offered bottle after Hux took another drink.

“So did you come for more ‘comfort’?” Hux asked bluntly.

“No. I came to offer the kind of comfort you want.”

“I don’t need comfort.”

“Captain Phasma—“

“Don’t.”

“Listen, things have gone to shit.”

“No fucking kidding. I wonder who’s fault that is? Maybe if someone hadn’t been getting his ass beaten by a fucking lowly scavenger girl, we might have stood a chance.”

“Are you done?” Ren didn’t look upset. It was irritating Hux that he couldn’t get a rise out of him.

“No, I’m fucking not. If you had just gotten the fucking droid and skipped the girl, they wouldn’t have come for her, they wouldn’t have been able to get in to destroy us at our weak points. If you could just fucking control yourself and do what you’re told for one fucking time—“ Hux stopped when his voice cracked.

“Now, are you done?”

“I hate you so much.” Hux’s voice kept cracking as he lowered his face into his hands. The tears were back and making it impossible to see anything in front of him. He wiped at his face angrily. He couldn’t even control this. That only frustrated him more.

“I know. I know, Hux. Things aren’t looking good and you’ve lost a friend. You’re sleep deprived, but you don’t need me telling you that.”

“Then why are you?” Hux threw his glasses down on the desk and leaned back, hoping to blink back any more tears threatening to spill over. He tried to keep his breathing even but it still felt like he was gasping for shallow breaths. His hands trembled as he raked them over his face.

“Hux?” Ren felt something off about the emotions Hux was letting off.

 _’I don’t want to die. Oh, it feels—let go.’_ Hux began scraping his fingertips down his neck and his breaths were quick gasps, as if he couldn’t catch his breath. _’Need to leave, get out of, of where? Can’t breathe, it hurts!'_

“Oh, fuck. You’re having a panic attack, aren’t you?” Ren pushed himself up with a groan. “Hux, I can’t get you to the medbay, I’m going to need you to breathe for me.” Ren pulled Hux’s hands away from his body before he could scratch himself open. Ren shoved the chair back away from the desk with his legs while he kept Hux’s hands away from his neck. “Look at me, Hux. Hux, come on.” Ren dropped to his knees in front of the chair. “Look at me!” Ren laced his words with the Force. Hux finally complied. “Okay, good. Very good. Breathe with me,” Ren spoke softer, aiming for a comforting, non-threatening tone.

Ren kept his breathing even despite the pain throughout his body. Full, deep breaths while concentrating completely on Hux. Eventually, he let go of Hux’s hands to rest his own hands on Hux’s upper legs.

“You’re okay. You’re doing good. Keep breathing, okay?” Ren tried using the Force to settle Hux’s racing thoughts, but he was too weak to have much of an impact. Instead, he forced all other thoughts out of his head to focus solely on the general, similar to when he meditated. He tried his best to give off that calm, serene feeling to alleviate his mind.

Gradually, Hux’s breathing rate returned to normal. Ren remained kneeling until he was sure Hux was okay to breathe on his own. He watched in fascination as the tips of Hux’s ears grew red and his face turned a light pink. Kylo pulled over his chair with quiet grunt.

“Now we’ve both been sorely embarrassed.” Ren chuckled somewhat nervous.

“I still have one up on you.” Hux kept focusing on his breathing.

“How do you figure?” Ren asked in an amused tone.

“Earlier tonight _and_ the other night. I had just one panic attack.”

“I’m not used to seeing you blush.”

Hux got even redder.

“You’re not easily embarrassed.”

“You’re too emotional.”

“I don’t have much of a choice.” Ren sighed.

“Does the crying thing happen often?”

“No. Usually I can suppress it, but…”

“You can’t explain it, I get it.”

“I can try. Have you…seen someone cry and felt a secondhand sadness for them?”

“Not really.”

“Well, normal people, with feelings, they tend to feel empathy. When they see someone they love cry, they want to cry with them. When they are happy, they’re happy with them. Today it wasn’t that so many people were upset, rather one person who I seem to have a rather strong…bond with started crying.”

“A bond?”

Ren nodded. “Family,” he said reluctantly.

“Right.” Hux sensed Kylo’s dangerous tone and left it at that.

“Are you feeling better?”

“No.”

“Are you done losing your shit then?”

“Yes.” Hux slid his glasses back on and reached for the whiskey again. “I still have so much to do,” Hux groaned.

“Don’t worry about it right now.” Ren lifted himself up out of the chair again to stand behind Hux with his hands rubbing Hux’s shoulders firmly. Hux let his head drop forward while his eyes closed.

“You should be resting.”

“I will, later,” Ren assured him.

“What’s with you lately? You’re being all touchy-feely,” Hux got the nerve to ask after a short silence.

“It’s comforting. A lot has been going on lately.”

“You’re not actually starting to _like_ me, are you?” Hux lifted and tilted his head back to look up at Ren.

“No, of course not. I still hate you with every fiber of my being.” The way Ren stroked Hux’s hair back took away any genuine tone Ren had mustered.

“I don’t like it when you’re nice to me.” Exhaustion, stress, and alcohol made Hux one blunt person. “I’m afraid you’re lulling me into a peaceful state so you can strike.”

“We’re on the same side, General.” Ren pulled Hux’s head back gently to rest the back of his head on the good side of his abdomen. Ren’s hands ran down Hux’s upper arms before he went back to rubbing his shoulders.

“So you say. Yet it seems we’re fighting towards different goals sometimes.”

“A common goal: to end the Republic.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“You don’t have to. But it seems I owe you my life now.”

“It was the Supreme Leader’s orders.”

“So you keep saying.”

“I will keep saying it until you realize it was not entirely up to me.”

“No. It wasn’t. But it was just you who carried my useless body onto the shuttle and made sure I didn’t die.”

“Useless is right,” Hux muttered. “Anyone else was afraid to even get close to you. Again, I had no choice. Your survival was imperative. Your gratitude is shocking, however.”

“I’m grateful to be alive.” Ren tilted Hux’s head back and leaned down to press his lips softly against the general’s unsuspecting lips. Hux stared straight up at him with his eyes wide open.

“What the fuck, Ren?” Hux said loudly once Ren had removed his lips from Hux.

“Do you not know what a kiss is either?” Ren kept his hands on Hux’s shoulders.

“I know what a fucking kiss is, Ren. What the fuck do you think you’re doing forcing one upon me?”

“You’re not very good at it.”

Hux felt his face heating up as he looked back up at Ren with indignation. Hux couldn’t decide on an argument to make. Instead, he whispered mostly to himself, “What the fuck?”

Ren moved to lean against Hux’s desk in front of him. He took the datapad from Hux’s hand and set it off to the side. “Prove me wrong, General Hux.”

Hux was too shocked, too inebriated to move out of Ren’s reach. He got caught up in the soft feel of his lips and the gentle but sure hand on the back of his neck, pulling him up out of his chair and towards Ren. Before Hux knew it, he could taste Ren on his tongue. Hux quickly became overwhelmed by so many sensations he hadn’t been expecting.

Ren’s hand pulling at his belt jolted him out of his stunned cooperation.

“No. Absolutely not. No,” Hux shook his head and stepped back. “No.”

“I’m not fragile, Hux. I can manage this much at least.”

“I don’t doubt that, Lord Ren.” Hux’s voice shook saying the title. “But it isn’t going to happen.”

“Okay.” Ren nodded. “Okay. It won’t happen.” Ren leaned forward and wrapped his arm around Hux’s waist. Hux allowed himself to be pulled towards Ren’s body reluctantly. This time, Ren only laid his head on Hux’s shoulder as he embraced the general. Hux hesitantly brought his arms loosely around Ren.

“You ever try to have sex with me the night my best friend is declared missing, probably dead, I will cut your fucking dick off.” Hux didn’t like how vulnerable his voice sounded, but it was less threatening muffled by Ren’s shoulder anyways.


	7. Repercussions

Ren stayed for a while longer while Hux got back to work. He stayed just long enough to make sure the reports wouldn’t send Hux into another panic attack. However, Hux insisted on walking Ren back to the medbay himself. He brought his datapad with him and brought a chair over to Ren’s bedside.

Ren forced Hux to take short breaks, mostly because he wanted another kiss or a touch or an embrace, although Hux wouldn’t admit that it calmed him down having Ren’s arms around him.

Somehow, Hux found himself laying on his side with Ren’s arm around his waist in his bed and Ren’s chest against his back. He continued reading until even with the glasses he couldn’t distinguish words. He barely had time to put the datapad and his glasses down on the floor before he was falling asleep.

 

Two standard hours later and he was being woken up by insistent, soft kisses to the back of his neck and a nose tickling the short hairs there. Ren’s arm was tight around Hux’s chest. It only served to remind him of the pain of having his binder on long after he should have taken it off.

“Stop that.” Hux pushed himself up off the bed. “I have to head back to my office. No, my room.” Hux tried shaking himself awake as he grabbed the datapad and glasses off the floor.

“Hey, Hux. Thanks for keeping me company. The sounds of the droids buzzing about around here tends to drive me insane.”

“Even more insane? I didn’t think it was possible.” Hux glanced back. Ren was laying on his back with his usual smirk.

“Get some sleep, Hux.”

“You, too.” Hux ducked out of the bay and made the walk to his room. By that time, the majority of the crew was up and running. They saluted respectfully as they walked past Hux. He never hated it more.

Back in his room, he shed the layers off until he was nude in front of the mirror in the refresher. He could finally breathe a full breath but couldn’t take his eyes off watching his own breasts rise and fall each time he did.

He was long past the time of crying at anything. That would solve nothing. Talking solved nothing. Marching forward was the only way to keep going. But his thoughts still bothered him that morning. Had he known it would be the last time he talked to Phasma, he would have told her.

He took a few more deep breaths. He wouldn’t keep torturing himself over it. What happened had happened and all he could do was keep marching forward.

He pulled an undershirt similar to the one Ren had on over his head and got back to work with a cup of caf on his desk. He was doing well. He made it through the reports about the squadrons and resources lost and worked his way through expense reports before he was summoned by the Supreme Leader.

With reluctance, he pulled his binder back on followed by a clean undershirt, a white t-shirt, his jacket, and his greatcoat. On his walk down, he caught up with a limping Ren dressed in his usual black robes, but missing the mask. He had his hood over his head instead. No one got in his way anyways.

“How are you feeling?” Hux asked.

“I’ll let you know after the Supreme Leader addresses us.”

“Did you mean it, about him not killing me yet?” Hux lowered his tone so no one passing by would hear.

“Yes. You’re still useful.”

“What about you?”

Ren lowered his head even further. “I’m less sure. He won’t kill me, no. But I don’t know.”

“You’re afraid?”

“No. I can’t be.” They both paused in front of the closed door. Ren took a deep breath before the door opened and they were brought forward.

“Supreme Leader,” Ren bowed respectfully.

“The destruction of the Starkiller base will not be catastrophic for the Order, but there will be setbacks, as I’m sure you two are well aware.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Hux nodded.

“Silence.” Though he didn’t raise his voice, the tone cut off any further voice from either man.

“Kylo Ren, you permitted the girl to defeat you. How did such an appalling loss occur?”

“She was strong. I was already weakened by a bowcaster wound.”

“You should have still been strong enough to beat a mere scavenger. She knows nothing of the Force. You are trained.”

“She has exceptional natural ability.”

“Which will now be used against us by the Resistance. They have the girl, the droid, the map. General, surely your pilots can manage to destroy a handful of Resistance pilots? I suppose not.

“One thing did arise from this entire debacle. Kylo.”

Ren brought down his hood and looked up at the massive hologram of Snoke.

“The death of Han Solo, how do you feel?”

“Sir, I still feel Force-attachment to Leia Organa.”

“And of Luke Skywalker?”

Ren nodded reluctantly. It seemed he expected to be berated for such things.

“Good, good.”

Ren lifted his head with a confused look.

“We may not need the map after all. General, you are to keep watch over Kylo Ren. Make sure he is healing. I will send coordinates when I believe him to be well enough. I expect you two, and only you two, to be aboard a shuttle to that location.”

“Yes, sir,” Ren and Hux bowed their heads slightly.

“General Hux, I leave the ship under your command. You are dismissed.”

Hux bowed his head once more before leaving Ren alone with Snoke. He was surprised to realize he felt apprehensive about doing so. Before he made it to the end of the walkway, he heard Ren gasping for breath as he fell heavily to his knees.

 _’Do not turn back.’_ Hux wasn’t sure which Force-user was telling him until the voice in his head added, _’I will not die here.’_

Hux didn’t envy Ren all that much in that moment. He had been let off with nothing more than humiliation, something he wasn’t unfamiliar with. He was unsure of what state he’d find Ren in later.

As the door closed behind him, he heard the screams starting. He did his best not to run or look alarmed as he made his way back to his room. Throwing off the layers again onto the floor, he crawled into bed. There was no way he’d be able to keep going without sleeping any longer. He needed to have a somewhat cognizant mind to deal with the repercussions with Ren.


	8. Healing Ren. Again.

_’Help. Hux! Help me!’_

Hux woke with a start. According to his timepiece, he had managed to sleep a good six hours. He pulled on his usual layers with more urgency than he ever did. Some Force was pulling him forward, right, down the hall, a left, to Snoke’s chambers. He found Ren with his back to the wall near the entrance. Lacerations covered his face but he was sure the superficial cuts were the least of Ren’s worry.

“Not the medbay,” Ren managed. Blood spilled over his split lip from his mouth and down his chin.

“Ren—“

_’Please.’_

“Fine, then where?”

“My room.”

“Mine is closer.” Hux lowered himself to pull Ren’s arm over his shoulder and pulled him to his feet. Ren spit any more blood from his mouth on the chamber floor. “I swear, Ren. If I have to carry your heavy body one more time…” Hux heard a sound similar to a chuckle that morphed into a groan.

“Keep that in mind,” he said as he leaned heavily on the general.

The hallways that were usually full of activity were empty on their way back. Something told Hux that that was Ren’s doing. They made it to Hux’s quarters without meeting a single officer or trooper.

“Do I have to cut your robes off of you this time?” Hux asked as he pushed Kylo into his desk chair.

“No.” Kylo struggled just to lift the cowl off his head. When Hux couldn’t watch anymore, he stepped in to help until Ren was stripped down to his undergarments.

The cuts on his face were superficial and weren’t bleeding anymore. Bruises on his chest and abdomen were dark purple, almost red. Those concerned him but again, something told him Snoke wouldn’t do anything to cause permanent harm to his organs. His arms were also covered in similar cuts. His legs had deeper gashes with blood dripping down both legs. The bowcaster wound appeared to have broken open and was bleeding down his side.

“I’m going to get supplies from the medbay. Stay here.”

The corners of Ren’s mouth pulled up a bit. “Where else am I going to go?” he asked between waves of pain. He held his arms across his aching middle.

Hux tried his best to be quick. He didn’t want any suspicion, therefore relied on a droid to get what he needed. No one dared ask him about his intentions on his walk back. With the look on his face, no one wanted to even say a word to the general.

After cleaning and patching Ren up, Hux helped him into the bed. “What did he do to you?” Hux finally asked as he pulled up his desk chair. It reminded Hux of his medbay visit just a few hours ago, it seemed.

“The pain of these wounds,” he gestured at his face and torso, “is nothing compared to the agony he inflicted mentally. These are just reminders.”

“What did he do?” Hux repeated.

“You’ve seen the interrogations I do. Something similar, but much, much worse.”

“But he wasn’t looking for information.”

“No. But he dug into my mind, made himself at home, and pulled away at the very seams of my being. No physical pain can ever be compared to what that intrusion feels like. I’d rather he had killed me than put me through that torture.”

“How long?”

“From when you left to when I called you.”

“Six standard hours, then.”

“It felt like a lifetime.”

Hux reached out and squeezed his shoulder, where there seemed to be no injuries. He, then, retrieved a glass he kept in his refresher for water at night, filled it, and put it on the bedside table. “I have to head to a couple of meetings, what with the base being destroyed. You’ll be okay alone, right?”

“Yes.”

“If something should happen, you’ll do what you do best and interrupt my day.”

“Absolutely, General. The only reason I get out of bed is to ruin your day,” Ren responded sarcastically.

“I know.”

When Hux looked back after gathering his greatcoat and datapad, Ren’s brown eyes were already closed and his breathing slow and deep. He figured Ren would sleep the entire time he was gone.

After the three consecutive meetings, one about the consequences of such a defeat, the next about how the First Order was going to pick itself up, and the last focusing on raising morale, Hux made his way to the bridge for the rest of the day shift.

On his way to grab a light dinner and something for Ren, his datapad beeped a reminder about his testosterone shot. The idea of a simple door separating him from Ren while he did it wasn’t all that appealing, but he wasn’t sure what else to do. He couldn’t put it off and he couldn’t make Ren leave. He had already accepted the fact that he would be sleeping in close quarters to Ren again for a couple nights, at least. _That_ idea wasn’t completely unpleasant, Hux found himself thinking.

“Eat up,” Hux said as he set the tray down on the unused side of the bed. He made his way to the refresher, wanting to get the shot over and done with while Ren was busy eating. The last thing he needed was to have Ren asking questions. He locked the door, fully knowing that it wouldn’t stop Ren if it came down to it, and set into his routine.

He took the opportunity to take his binder off for a couple minutes. He wouldn’t be able to with Ren sleeping in his room. It was about to be a very painful couple of days. The syringe, extra (smaller) needle, cloth, and lastly, vial were all set out on the counter. Hux was precise but quick. He had been doing this since he was seventeen and could probably do it with his eyes closed. He still had to suppress a cringe when the needle penetrated his ass. It still hurt, but the pain was nothing compared to the pain of not taking it. He brought the cloth up to catch any blood as he gently rubbed the muscle he had injected. It didn’t take him long to clean up and pull his binder and undershirt back on. He didn’t bother with his jacket or t-shirt. 

Ren had barely even touched his food by the time Hux exited the refresher. “You should really eat more.” Hux pulled his jodhpurs off in favor of a pair of black sports shorts with a First Order symbol on the leg, leaving his packer in his underwear. He hated sleeping with it on, but similar to the binder, didn’t feel comfortable being so close to someone without it.

He laid on top of the covers with his datapad while Ren pulled the tray back over his lap.

“Do you ever take a break?” Ren looked over at the datapad.

“Not right now, no. Officers keep messaging me about little things.”

“If you weren’t so anal, they wouldn’t worry about upsetting you and your desire for order.”

“I suppose so. But then things would be laxer and more mistakes would occur. Besides, it’s up to me to make sure things are running smoothly, especially now.”

“Things are.”

“How would you know? You’ve been in the medbay since the base was destroyed.”

“There’s been a lot of people through the medbay since then. I hear things.”

“I can’t look at these anymore,” Hux said with a groan. He set the datapad on the ground just under the bed and offered to get Ren more water. After, he settled in under the blankets, hoping to get some solid sleep.

Hux went through cycles as the testosterone cycled through his system. Closer towards the end of the cycle, before he needed another injection, he was usually calmer, more level-headed but somewhat more emotional. Towards the beginning of the cycle, specifically the first couple days after an injection, he was more aggressive, less patient, and could be down-right horny. It hadn’t been bad the last couple of years, he was used to his dosage and was able to control himself.

It wouldn’t have been anything out of the ordinary, except whatever he was dreaming about forced him awake at 2:30, in the middle of the sleep cycle, flushed and almost panting. When he opened his eyes, he discovered Ren watching him curiously with pink-tinged cheeks.

“You, uh, have loud dreams,” Ren said, as if that was an explanation as to why he was watching so closely.

Hux could see the outline of Ren’s full lips in the low light and feel his body warmth under the covers. They weren’t touching, but Hux wanted to change that, quickly. He laid his hand on Ren’s neck then into his hair so he could pull him by his dark locks towards him until they were kissing. Ren didn’t pull away, even when Hux started biting his lower lip hard enough to reopen the cut that was there. The blood only seemed to fuel Hux on more.

With a hand to Hux’s waist, Ren pulled the smaller man onto his lap while Hux threw back the covers. His black shorts rode up to expose more of his thighs as Hux grinded back onto Kylo’s lap. Kylo brought his large hands down from his waist to his pale thighs, slipping his fingertips just under the edge of his shorts.

When Ren made a move to pull at any of Hux’s clothes, Hux sat up and slapped both of his hands as hard as he could without breaking his rhythm on Ren’s lap. Ren pulled his hands back as quick as he could. He was rewarded by the sensation of Hux’s lips travelling from his neck, down his chest and stomach, to his undergarments slowly. His fingertips were gentle as they pulled down Ren’s boxers to expose him. Hux grabbed his wrists and guided them to his head, allowing Ren to do as he pleased there.

 _’You’re only allowed to touch me here,’_ Hux tried to broadcast to Ren as he pushed Ren’s muscular thighs over his shoulders somewhat gently. He was trying to keep from hurting Ren, but he was entirely too eager to really be concerned with it. He believed Ren would tell him if he really hurt him.

“Oh, fuck. Hux,” Kylo groaned as Hux slid his tongue from base to tip then put his lips around the head. It had been a while since he had done this, but Hux certainly had enthusiasm on his side. After a little warming up to Kylo and just how large he was (Hux was surprisingly too horny to feel much envy, thinking back on it), he fell into a rhythm that had Kylo arching and reaching for the headboard of his bed with one hand and pushing the redhead down further between his legs with the other in no time. Hux resisted the urge to slip a hand into his own undergarments.

“Vash,” Ren moaned lewdly. Hux had never heard his name pronounced in such an arousing way. “Vash,” he murmured with more urgency while he pulled back on the fiery red hair.

“It’s fine,” Hux broke away to say. He immediately returned to his lips around Ren’s cock and used his tongue to lap up the pre-cum beaded there. As Hux moaned and took in as much as he could, he felt Ren tighten his hold on the red strands as he came.

The utterly debauched sounds Ren made when he climaxed had Hux reaching to crudely grope the front of his shorts. He knew he was wet and wanted nothing more than to jerk himself off. Yet he waited patiently (somewhat patiently) for Ren to ride out his orgasm and the aftershocks before climbing off the bed and retreating to the refresher.

Once inside, he locked the door and sat on the floor in front of it to keep Ren from following. Finally, able to do as he pleased, he fumbled pulling down his shorts just enough to get his packer out of the way and his fingers rubbing his clit. He quietly and quickly brought himself to orgasm with his feet up against the cabinet and his toes curling against the cold durasteel.

It took him a little bit to recover, but once he did, he washed up, made himself presentable, and returned to bed. Kylo looked over at him, wide-eyed.

“You—I mean, are you okay?” Kylo asked with such an awkward tone.

“I’m fine.” Hux shrugged. “Why?”

“Why?” Ren repeated in a daze. “You, you attacked me.”

“Attacked? I believe the term you’re looking for is sucked you off.”

“And then left.”

“And then left,” Hux affirmed with a nod.

“And we’re not going to talk about that?”

“We’re not going to talk about it.” Hux nodded again.

“But—“

“No.”

“Vashta—“

“Nope.”

“Hux—“

“Absolutely not, Ren.” Hux laid on his side with his back to Kylo. “Go to sleep.”

“I can’t.” He kicked his feet a little, like a stubborn child. “Slept too much earlier and now I’m wide awake.”

“Then be quiet so I can sleep. I’m exhausted.”

“Force, I wonder why,” Ren said sarcastically. It earned him a light slap to his chest. “I might be able to sleep better if it wasn’t so cold.”

“It’s not cold, Ren.”

Kylo kept huffing and shifting until Hux gave in and turned onto his other side, towards him.

“Lay down, then,” Hux grumbled. Kylo carefully lowered himself under the covers with his back to Hux. Hux moved forward until his chest was against Ren’s back. Hux draped an arm loosely over Ren’s waist, keeping away from the bruises on his torso. Kylo grabbed his hand and pulled until Hux’s arm was tightly around him. Hux indulged himself in his urge to nuzzle up to Kylo’s bare neck.

“Much better,” Ren said with a sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I'm writing the later chapters, I may have, kind of, started straying towards Emperor Hux AU. It's kind of grown into a more in depth story that I originally thought it would be. I really hope that's okay with anyone keeping up with this.  
> Also, thank you all for the encouraging comments.


	9. The Shuttle to Snoke

Ren was able to move better by the next day cycle. He retreated to his rooms for a couple days and Hux left him alone. Things were beginning to settle down and Hux was back to his schedule, until he received the coordinates with no other text. It took him only a few standard hours to get himself packed up for a couple months and retrieve Ren. Ren didn’t bother bringing anything, something about the Supreme Leader informing him he wouldn’t need to bring anything.

The first few hours on the shuttle went by in silence until Ren broke it. “You’re still afraid he’s going to kill you.”

“You’re not?”

“No.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t be. You’ve already gotten repercussions for your actions,” Hux said from the copilot seat. Ren had put the shuttle on autopilot a while ago, but they had both decided to stay in the front and watch the galaxy pass them by.

“You’re not as easily replaceable as you think. Not many officers would stay up, work through meals, care less about their own health than the job they’re doing more often than not.”

“No, but the next person would adapt.”

“General, the Supreme Leader knows you’ve dedicated your entire life to the First Order. He won’t eradicate you so freely.”

“You can say that. You have nothing to fear. He _can’t_ get rid of you, you’re too powerful. He _needs_ you. He doesn’t need me. I’m…useful, sure. But my usefulness extends only as far as humanly possible. That being said, another human can easily take my position and be just as useful as I am now. He knows that. So, yes, Lord Ren. I do fear for my life.”

“There’s nothing I can do to convince you otherwise?”

“Why do you care?” Hux raised his voice. Ren brought that out in him.

“I don’t want you having another panic attack, least of all in front of the Supreme Leader.”

Hux glared at the marred face beside him. “I won’t,” he bit out.

“Good.” There was more silence between them. Once again, Ren was the one to break the quiet atmosphere. “So, about the other night.”

“Ren, I swear, if you say anything more, I will cut your tongue out.”

“That would make it very difficult to return the favor.” He chuckled quietly.

“It wasn’t a favor. And I don’t expect you to return anything. It was a one-time thing and it’s not going to happen again.”

“It’s not?” Kylo intentionally sounded disappointed.

“No. It’s not.”

“I would, you know,” Kylo murmured.

“Would what?”

“Return the favor.” He looked away from Hux and out the viewport at the darkness dotted with stars.

Hux snorted while trying to stifle a laugh mostly out of nervousness. Ren would expect a cock, not what Hux had and the idea of Ren going down on his packer was highly amusing.

“Never going to happen,” Hux said between laughs.

“Why are you laughing?” Ren’s voice was loud and defensive. “You think I’m unable?”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re able to or not, it’s not happening.”

Kylo got up and stomped over to Hux’s seat where he planted himself in Hux’s lap. Despite Hux’s protesting, he got as close as he could, a leg on either side of Hux’s thighs. His complaining was cut off by Ren’s mouth on his while Ren slid his gloved fingers through the red strands on the back of Hux’s head.

Hux pushed him back with a hard shove to each side of his chest. Ren barely managed to keep himself from falling back onto the console. “We’re not doing this now, Ren.”

“Then when? Who knows when we’ll be back on the _Finalizer_ , if I ever get back.”

“So you want one last fuck before you go? No. Fuck you. Aren’t you and your knights supposed to be celibate or some shit like that?”

“Rumors. No, we can do as we please.”

“Then attachments certainly aren’t condoned by the Supreme Leader.”

“You’re not an attachment,” Kylo argued.

“No? Then what do you call asking to be held at night? I don’t see you asking anyone else.”

“I can’t be that vulnerable to them.”

“But you can with me? I should be the _last_ person you want to be vulnerable in front of, Ren.”

“Then why did you come check on me that night?” Ren yelled over Hux’s voice.

“Because I didn’t want—“ Hux was yelling back.

“Don’t give me that shit about you not wanting to find me dead in my room. With all that fucking jealousy you have, you should be looking forward to finding my corpse!”

They both paused. “I’m not jealous,” Hux blinked and responded in a quieter voice.

“That is an outright lie. When I said your dreams were loud, I wasn’t just talking about the one dream.”

“You listen in when I sleep?”

“Not willingly. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t lie to me.”

“Fuck you.” Hux shoved him back again. This time, Ren’s back hit the console pretty hard but he kept himself in Hux’s lap. “I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t use my own subconscious against me.” He really didn’t want Ren knowing the extent of his envy. He could manage if Ren just believed he wanted to be Force sensitive.

“You’d love to.” Ren brought himself back up to press his chest against Hux’s chest. Hux wasn’t surprised to feel Ren’s erection against his abdomen. “We still have a _long ride_ ahead of us.” Kylo slid his hands down from Hux’s shoulders to between their bodies. Hux pushed his hands away before he got too close.

“Get off,” Hux said curtly, meeting his brown eyes with his pupils blown wide.

“If you insist.” Ren slid a hand into his trousers.

“Get off _of_ me, not _on_ me. Stars, Ren.” Hux pushed Ren off of his lap so he could get up. “If I do it again, will you let it go?” Hux asked in resignation.

“No,” Ren said simply.

“Why?”

“I want more.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Ren, you don’t want me fucking you.”

“You can’t tell me what I do and do not want.”

Kylo stepped forward while Hux stepped back until his back hit a wall of the shuttle. Hands on the back of his neck made Hux shiver as Kylo’s full lips pressed against his, eventually prying his lips apart. Ren pressed against Hux and slotted his leg between Hux’s to rub up against the inside of his thighs.

Hux felt Kylo’s warm hand on his bare skin where he lifted Hux’s jacket and undershirt. It was just his waist, but the touch still made him jump nervously. Hux decided to push him off so he could turn them and shove Ren up against the wall. Ren removed his hands from Hux as he dropped to his knees in front of Ren.

“No,” Ren murmured, sounding reluctant. He tried pulling Hux back up off his knees. “I don’t want that.”

“Then you’re not getting anything,” Hux said. He remained on his knees, looking up at Ren’s face. There was a long pause. Neither of them moved or said a word until Ren acquiesced. He touched Hux’s cheek entirely too gently to be comfortable and brought him closer. Hux gave a quick nod of understanding and set to work finding the opening to Ren’s pants under his robes.

With some assistance from Kylo, he got his tunic out of the way and was able to pull the waistband to his trousers and underwear down past his knees. Hux swirled his tongue around the tip, followed by his wet lips sliding over the head and part of his length. Ren carded his fingers through Hux’s hair, his hips moving against Hux’s mouth.

Hux took off his gloves and removed his mouth from Ren long enough to wet a couple of his fingers. He shoved Ren’s thighs apart just enough to get his hand behind Ren to slip the tips of those fingers into him. Ren’s fingers tightened painfully on Hux’s head.

“One, ah, Hux, one at a time!” Ren whined. “It’s been awhile,” he admitted, his cheeks flushed a dark pink. Hux chuckled as he rewet his fingers.

“So you’ve done this before.” Hux stroked him with his other hand while he worked a single digit into Ren’s body.

“I wouldn’t let you, of all people, be the first.”

Hux laughed again. “Didn’t know you could be so sentimental.” Before Ren could think of a response, Hux slid his second finger into Ren’s warm, inviting ass.

“Fuck. Have you done this before?”

“Once or twice,” Hux answered honestly.

“A little…more. Fuck! There!” The sounds coming out of Ren’s mouth were utterly obscene. When Hux went back to blowing him Ren moved his hands to a shelf above his head. Hux was pretty sure he was holding himself up, judging by the way his legs were trembling. Hux couldn’t tell whether he was pushing back against his fingers or forward into his mouth.

Hux kept Ren on the balls of his feet by pressing against his prostate. He stroked the sensitive nerves in rhythm with the strokes of his tongue. He had Ren religiously chanting his first name when Hux stopped abruptly.

“Get your robes off,” Hux demanded while he stripped Ren of his boots. Ren’s injuries were mostly healed, just the scar on his face and the scar on his side from the bowcaster that resembled how a star shines. The skin was still a light red around the edges.

Ren shed his layers as quickly as he could while kicking off his boots and pants when Hux got them undone.

“Lean over the console.”

“Why?” Ren asked apprehensively.

“Just do it,” Hux said in exasperation as he stood back up. He guided Ren into the position he wanted, his hands against the console and his feet spread.

“Hux, what’re you—Oh!” Ren’s fingers clutched at the edge of the console. Hux held Ren’s hips still while his tongue made its way up from Ren’s perineum to the cleft of his ass. Hux made another pass but stopped at the tight ring of muscle that caused Ren to tense up immediately. He focused there, making short, slow passes with his tongue pressed flat against Ren’s skin.

“Leave your hands on the console,” Hux demanded when he saw one of Ren’s hands leave the durasteel to stroke himself.

Hux had never exactly rimmed anyone before, or really done much more than oral, so he was relying heavily on Ren’s sounds to make sure he was doing things somewhat pleasurably. Fortunately, Kylo was vocal.

“This wasn’t what I had in mind when I said I wanted more,” Ren said with a chuckle. Hux’s response was to dip the tip of his tongue into Ren. He heard a thud as Kylo’s head dropped onto the console. “Fuck! No one has ever…” Kylo moaned instead of finishing his statement.

“Eaten you out?” Hux guessed. He slid a finger back into Ren, quickly followed by the second, and resumed the rhythm he had before. It was much easier from this new angle.

“Yes!” Ren jumped when Hux bit the back of his thigh. Hux soothed it over with a soft kiss.

Hux indulged himself in a couple more licks, making it easier for his fingers to slip in and out of Ren, before standing up behind him. With him leaned over like he was, Hux could press his hips flush against Kylo with only his hand between them. Oh, he _wished_ he could fuck him so easily. Hux wanted nothing more in that moment than to put his cock in Ren and he was sure Ren wished he would.

Hux’s free hand gripped Kylo’s waist. He moved his hips back and forward slowly with his fingers, testing both his response and Kylo’s response.

“ _Hux_ ” Ren moaned in that salacious voice of his, “You want to, I can feel it.”

Hux took his hand off his hip and pushed his head back down against the console. “Shut up,” he growled as he continued the movement with his hips and fingers. This was as close as he would get to fucking Ren. He had to admit, it felt good, better than he thought it could. He always had to picture someone else in his place, someone else who could take his cock out and actually do something with it. He never wanted to fuck anyone. The thought of it made him too dysphoric to be aroused. But this could work, he thought.

He closed his eyes and felt Ren’s soft hair between his fingers. He felt Ren’s tight heat around his fingers, pictured how it would feel around his cock as he pushed in and out of him. He felt Ren’s shapely ass against his hips and the back of Ren’s thighs against the front of his legs. He felt his partner’s trembling body when he leaned his front against Kylo’s back.

Hux didn’t think to reprimand him when one of Kylo’s hands moved to grab the back of Hux’s thigh to push them closer together. He barely registered Ren’s pleading.

 _’More! Please!’_ The voice surrounded his mind as well as his ears. Ren was pleading with his mouth as much as he was with the Force.

“Touch me. Please, Vash!” Ren said his name in such an erotic way again. Hux had no choice but to oblige him. He brought his hand from Kylo’s head to his cock, pressing the pad of his thumb against the wet tip. Simultaneously, he bit into Kylo’s shoulder, covering it with a kiss like he had with his thigh. Kylo’s grip on the edge of the console was turning his knuckles white. Hux felt his fingertips digging into the back of his thigh despite the cloth separating them.

As he grew more confident, Hux quickened the rhythm. He felt the perspiration on his skin making his clothing stick to him. He thought it unfair that Kylo got to be free of clothing, but didn’t dare make a move to take any layer off. No, this felt better than he ever imagined sex could. Flat-chested, sinking deep into his partner who was begging for more, his partner none the wiser, he felt great.

He timed his strokes with his thrusts. Ren’s breath fogged up the durasteel beneath him. He kept pressing kisses and bites along Kylo’s shoulders and neck. There were sure to be several love bites on the back of his neck for days to come.

Hux alternated between strokes to Ren’s length and small circles against his perineum until Ren came over Hux’s hand and the floor. Hux slowed his thrusts and hand to ease Kylo through his orgasm. After crudely wiping his hand on Ren’s thigh, Hux stumbled back to fall into his chair, breathing hard and face flushed. He left Ren to clean himself.

Instead of dressing, Kylo dropped to his knees clumsily and crawled between Hux’s legs. Hux jumped as Kylo groped his packer. It took a few seconds for his arms to respond to push Kylo back.

“N-No,” Hux’s voice sounded weird to his own ears. His throat felt dry from using his voice. He must have been louder than he thought.

“Why are you so afraid?”

Hux didn’t have an answer. He couldn’t think of one through the aroused state of his mind. “Just be quiet.”

“Vashta—“

“Ren, clean yourself up and get dressed. You look absolutely appalling.”

Kylo glared at him for a moment before getting up.

“Take a shower or your robes will be disgusting,” Hux called behind him. He waited until he heard the cockpit door close before he slid his pants and boxers down. With the thought of _him_ , himself, fucking Ren, he brought his feet up against the console and got himself off.

By the time the doors opened again, his pants were done up and he was presentable again. He barely glanced up at Ren as he fell into the other chair.

“We’re not talking about it, again?” Ren’s tone was soft. Hux hated how concerned he sounded.

“What is there to talk about?”

“You won’t let me touch you.”

“You can touch me,” Hux argued.

“Am I that disgusting? You don’t want me anywhere near you?”

“Ren.” Hux refused to continue until Kylo looked up from his lap. “You’re an idiot.” Hux continued while Ren’s cheeks flushed. “If I thought you were disgusting, I wouldn’t have my tongue anywhere near you, let alone rimming you.”

“Then why?”

“I don’t wish to discuss it.” It was Hux who refused to meet Kylo’s eyes now.

“It’s fine if things aren’t working right. With all the things going wrong and the stress you’ve been under—“

“Do shut up!” Hux felt his face grow hot.

“It’s fine,” Kylo repeated in a gentler tone. Hux wanted to strangle him. ‘ _It_ doesn’t work would imply that I had an _it_ to not work.’

“We’re going to sit in silence the rest of the way.”

“Seriously, Vashta, it happens.”

Hux got up and left with an exasperated sigh. A few hours alone would help him prepare for meeting Snoke.


	10. Snoke's Fortress

The coordinates brought them to a desolate, dry planet neither Vashta Hux nor Kylo Ren had been to. The only structure within kilometers was a grey building with openings that could be windows near the top but looked completely closed off on lower levels. It reminded Vashta of a prison. It seemed fitting.

Kylo walked ahead with no hesitation. Vashta followed with what he hoped was a similar level of confidence. He hated the unknown. He planned and made schedules, but everything about meeting the Supreme Leader was unknown and unplanned by him and he hated it. He hated that he wanted Kylo to reach back for his hand even more.

“I can feel the Force is stronger here. I hope there wasn’t anything you wanted to hide from him,” Kylo joked. Hux panicked just a little before he realized the Supreme Leader wouldn’t care what was in his pants when he killed him. No, he would care more about his failures than his anatomy.

Hux followed Kylo into the opening he had missed with his initial inspection. The stairs led down into a dark cavern that looked quite similar to the chamber Ren and Hux met with Snoke’s hologram.

“Should we be waiting for him here?” Hux asked in a whisper.

“No. We keep going.” Ren’s hand reached behind him and brushed Vashta’s wrist. Hux could feel his fear ebbing away with each step he took. It was being replaced by a warm, comforting feeling he assumed was Ren’s doing.

He kept following Ren, since he seemed to know where he was going. After a few more flights of stairs upward, they came to a small room with a closed door.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Kylo glanced back.

“No time like the present,” Hux responded. They pushed the door open.

“General Hux and Kylo Ren. Please.” Snoke was much smaller than the hologram had suggested. He beckoned them forward while he remained in his stone throne. Kylo kneeled onto one knee while Hux merely bowed his head.

“Master,” Kylo murmured with a bowed head. It was sickening to Hux how Ren was acting like a droid, programmed only to please the Supreme Leader.

“General you are only here to observe and assist Kylo Ren in healing after he is through with training. You will not speak otherwise unless spoken to. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” He had a lot of practice keeping a neutral expression that came in handy in that moment.

“Good, you are dismissed. You will find your quarters down the corridor you entered through.”

“How long do you expect—“ Hux’s voice was cut off as a sharp pain made its way through his skull. He could feel this kind of pain in his bones, a type of pain he’d never experienced before. He couldn’t stop from crying out and falling to his knees.

“You are dismissed,” Snoke repeated. The pain slowly faded and allowed him to get back up. He was left with a massive headache, as if Snoke wanted him to have a reminder to not talk back.

“Sir,” Hux murmured curtly and bowed out of the room.

It was a while before Kylo came stumbling into Hux’s rooms, barely able to stand. Once again, it appeared Snoke had heavily abused the man and left Hux to pick up the pieces.

“Watch your thoughts,” Kylo gritted out while Hux helped him onto the makeshift bed. “Nothing is hidden here.”

“Am I not permitted to express my hatred for caring for you?”

“But you’re getting so good at it.” Kylo attempted to smile. His eyes were leaking blood, a side-effect of the exertion Snoke had put him through. It was the only sign on his body that he had been through some sort of torment. The damage Snoke did was internal.

Hux retrieved a cloth from the refresher and wetted it with cool water. He wiped away the trails of blood on his face then pressed the clean side of the cloth to Ren’s forehead.

“How am I supposed to be here to heal you if there aren’t any visible injuries?” Hux complained.

“Let me into your mind.”

“What? No!”

“I don’t care what secrets you’re keeping. I won’t go far,” Kylo said, as if that made it perfectly fine. “You’re in much better shape than I am. My mind is in shambles.”

“So you’re going to what? Use it to heal yourself? How?”

“It’s comforting to be with someone else.”

“So you’ll make yourself at home, in _my_ mind to heal your own?”

Kylo paused before nodding. “Yes, that’s a good way of putting it.”

“No!”

“Fine. Then let me sleep here tonight.”

Hux grumbled but gave in. Another night in his binder, he was not thrilled to have Ren sleeping in his bed. He had left everything he packed in the case he had brought. He didn’t want to get comfortable in Snoke’s territory. He checked the two blue vials tucked away within a cloth at the bottom of the case. Two vials and two syringes would get him through two standard months. He didn’t expect to be there any longer and had only packed a second in case something happened to the first vial.

He pulled out a white t-shirt and headed to the refresher to change for the night. Ren had just pulled off the layers of robes to sleep in just his boxers. Hux would have loved to do the same, but even when he was alone, he didn’t like not having the comfort of something over his body.

“How long do you suppose we’ll be here?” Hux asked as he laid with his back to Kylo.

“As long as it takes,” Ren said ominously.

“As long as what takes?”

“To get the location to Skywalker from my connection to him.”

Hux took a deep breath before he lost control of his own rage. Once again, he was pulled into relying on Ren’s Force abilities to get him out of a situation he couldn’t get himself out of. Once again, he had to rely on Ren not fucking something up. He should be on the _Finalizer_ helping his men prepare for war.

“Why do I need to be here?”

“So I don’t break completely.”

“Why does it have to be me?” Hux sat up and turned to Kylo. He was yelling. “Why am I always the one called to clean up after you? Why do I have to be your fucking watcher?”

Kylo looked at Hux in surprise.

“You’re mad at me.”

“I can’t be mad at _him_ ,” Hux gestured towards Snoke’s throne room. “He knows all, right? So, yes, I am mad at you. None of this would have happened if you had just gotten the droid.”

“We’re still on that?”

“The events that have happened since then have all stemmed from you taking the girl over the droid. So yes, we’re still on that.”

“What’s done is done. I cannot go back and change it.”

Hux barked out a sarcastic laugh at the situation. He was the one losing his cool while Ren was perfectly calm. My, how the tables had turned.

“You’re so infuriating,” Hux said with finality. He pulled the thin sheet over himself as he laid back down.

“I’ll do better,” Kylo murmured in a soft tone. If Hux had been shifting around still, he wouldn’t have heard it. The vulnerability in his tone kept Hux from harshly responding with “You better.”

Instead, they stayed silent as Kylo laid down, his back to Hux, with a quick thanks for letting him stay.

Sometime during the night, Hux woke up feeling rather stifled. It wasn’t until he realized it was the air around him, thick with Force energy around Kylo. He was just about to shove Kylo awake and tell him to contain himself when he heard Kylo moan in what Hux half hoped was pain. Ren began tossing and writhing under the thin cover. Hux could see how wet his hair was from perspiration.

“Make it stop,” Ren moaned softly. Hux heard different objects around the room begin shaking. His glasses on the lone desk top in the room, his clothes in his case, the case itself, they all shook and trembled. The air around Hux became more oppressive, allowing him for only shallow breaths.

“Ren.” Hux shook his shoulder. “Ren! Wake up, it’s only a dream.” It took Hux turning Kylo’s face towards him and giving him a couple of slaps to get Ren’s eyes to open. His eyes were bloodshot. The red ring around his irises made Hux shudder. He kept his gaze as the red faded and Kylo’s features relaxed from the grimace he held.

“Do it,” Hux said without looking away from Ren’s soft brown eyes. “If it will allow you to sleep, use my mind.”

“It won’t hurt,” Kylo’s voice would have reassured Hux if it wasn’t shaking as bad as Ren himself. Hux laid down facing Ren. The evil aura the red rings in his eyes had given off had Hux on edge. Kylo’s large hand sliding along the back of his neck helped a little, but he was still shaken when Kylo pressed his forehead against Hux’s softly.

Instead of the warm, comforting feeling he had before, this time was more cold. He felt Kylo’s fear and his uncertainty as tangible as Kylo himself. Hux grabbed the back of Kylo’s neck gently but firmly, reassuring him. His thoughts were completely disregarded, Kylo wasn’t digging for anything. He just wanted sanctuary. Hux was surprised to find he didn’t mind much.

No words were exchanged. Soon, both men drifted off to sleep, still holding onto one another.


	11. The New, Reluctant Routine

Snoke didn’t let up on Kylo. Each day, Kylo came back to Hux’s room in the same state, his eyes tearing up blood and no other injuries. Each day, Kylo returned to Hux’s mind just a little bit more broken.

The one night Kylo had fallen asleep without Hux, when Hux had been summoned to Snoke’s chambers himself, Hux had returned to Kylo levitating a couple meters above the bed with articles of clothing being thrown around the room. When he had woken Kylo up, the red rings around his irises were back and thicker. Kylo fought back with a hand to Hux’s throat, immediately cutting off his airway.

“Kylo!” Hux gritted out, choking on his own saliva. The red in Ren’s eyes began to fade and he let up on Hux’s throat. While Hux fell forward onto the bed while Ren crawled away from Hux until his back hit the wall where a headboard should have been. The only sound was Hux’s breathing.

Hux had had enough at that point. Day in and day out, all he had to do on that planet was care for Kylo fucking Ren. Meanwhile, Snoke was slowly destroying him and any humanity he had left. He did not work his way up to general to become the watcher of some man-child. He shouldn’t even care for Ren’s safety. He was four standard weeks into this experience and he hadn’t gotten a nights’ rest. Just for a night not in his binder, he had to wait until Ren was asleep, pull the layers off under the covers slowly, and hope that he got up before Ren. He was exhausted.

Without sparing Ren a glance, Hux walked out of the room, down the corridor, and out of the opening of his new prison. He had a feeling Ren wouldn’t sleep, not while Hux was gone. Vashta just needed air, he needed to be away from Ren for just a little bit. He needed to be alone. He wanted to tear the fabric off of his upper body. He shook as he peeled away the layers, confident Ren wouldn’t follow him out into the cool night air.

He tried to rub the red, agitated marks under his arms. He couldn’t reach the ones on his back. He sat with his back against the stone wall; the cool stone against his bare, agitated skin made him exhale in relief. The gentle breeze felt strange on the parts of his body he didn’t often leave uncovered.

The large, deep breaths he took began to calm him until he felt light-headed. He was tired enough that he could have fallen asleep sitting up against the wall if he let himself. He never felt so trapped. Growing up, he at least at the freedom the Academy offered. Even in the First Order, he felt he had some control over what happened to him. It was his choice to blow his superiors to get ahead. He got the title general by his own doing despite what everyone had thought about his father’s strong encouragement.

Well, he _did_ have control over his life until Kylo fucking Ren showed up on _his_ ship. For everything Ren had put him through, he should despise him. He shouldn’t care, he shouldn’t offer up his being to help fight against Snoke’s torture.

It was those soft, brown eyes that got to him though. The vulnerable look those eyes held made it impossible for Hux to let him drowned. Vashta was sure Snoke knew that. When he finally did break Ren, the only thing Kylo would be good for is following his _master’s_ orders. That was Snoke’s end goal, Vashta was sure of it. He didn’t want to be around when that happened and he wasn’t sure how much longer Kylo could hold out.

Hux pulled on his binder followed by his undershirt and t-shirt. He didn’t bother with his jacket anymore. It was too warm and he didn’t need to appear put together in front of Kylo Ren and Snoke.

So, he made his way back to his room. Kylo still had his knees to his chest and was curled up against the wall in a broken caricature of the Master of the Knights of Ren. Hux deposited himself in the middle of the bed with his legs crossed.

“Come here,” Hux demanded. He hated the way Ren crawled towards him like a wounded creature. Ren matched Hux’s positioning. “All right. We’re going to try this my way. Okay?” Hux took Kylo’s hands in his and ran his thumbs over Kylo’s wrists soothingly.

“You don’t know anything about the Force.”

“No. But I know people. Humans tend to do better when in a positive environment rather than a negative environment. Breathe slow and even, with me.”

Hux took it very slowly. They had all night. Either way, they weren’t getting solid sleep. He kept his hands against Kylo’s palms, rubbing gently and slowly. The skin on skin contact kept them connected as they breathed in unison.

“Focus on your family bonds,” Hux found himself murmuring softly. Ren shook his head.

“Too close to the Light.”

“Just for tonight, embrace it.”

“He’ll know.”

“If you find Skywalker, he won’t care. Keep breathing with me.”

“It’s warm. I don’t like it.”

“Do you _like_ being torn apart by the Supreme Leader?”

Ren was silent for a short time. Hux could tell he was concentrating on something. Hux was beginning to feel warm, too, a warmth he wasn’t familiar with that seemed to originate in his mind.

 _’That’s good,’_ Hux heard himself praising Ren without words. _’Keep going.’_

A dull, vague image of an island surrounded Hux. _’This is the island you saw with her. The island she showed you.’_

 _’Yes.’_ Ren’s reply was short and simple. His focus was elsewhere, on a person.

Hux continued feeling warm and loved, as almost in an embrace. Memories flew past his view, none of them to do with the island they found themselves on. Hux couldn’t see anything in detail, they were all feelings that kept flowing through him. Love, affection, trust, all of the emotions he had been taught were weakness. Ren, and Hux by association, was making himself open to them. The memories had a constant, or rather, two constants.

 _’Mom.’_ Ren wanted to reach out, Hux could feel the desire as if it were his own. Hux held him back. That wasn’t who they were after.

 _’And Uncle Luke.’_ Ren’s tone was soft.

 _’Focus,’_ Vashta encouraged in a matching soft tone. _’What is he feeling now?’_

_’Calm. He’s meditating.’_

_’Where?’_ Hux kept his breathing even. He wasn’t to rush Kylo. Pushing him too much would be counterproductive.

_’I’m trying.’_

_’It’s okay. You’re doing good, Kylo.’_

_’There’s so much water. Where?’_

_’Good,’_ Hux continued to praise Kylo. _’You’re doing great. Don’t lose focus.’_

 _’Name. Name? Two. No, Ahch-To. Where?’_ It sounded like Hux was only getting half of a conversation with what Kylo kept saying. He was quiet for a couple seconds before his lips started moving, repeating coordinates. His brown eyes flew open and he dropped Hux’s hands as he surged forward to press a quick kiss on Hux’s lips. Hux froze and kept staring straight ahead at Kylo with wide eyes. In the four standard weeks they had been stuck on this planet, they hadn’t done anything else but comfort each other. Neither of them felt it appropriate to be doing much else in a place Snoke could see everything.

“You did it.” Hux sounded more surprised than he had meant to. Kylo was truly smiling, looking so proud of himself. “Is that what the Light side of the Force feels like?”

“Yes.”

Vashta didn’t ask why Kylo abandoned something that felt so uplifting. “You’ll have to show me the Dark side at some point,” Vashta said. Kylo leaned forward to kiss him again.

“Absolutely!”

“Sleep or should we go tell the Supreme Leader of your breakthrough?”

“We should probably tell him before he finds out later. He’ll punish me for holding information from him.”

Hux pulled on his jacket anyways. He felt more confident with his general stripes present on his left arm. They walked through the cavern and down to the dark, stone door.

“Kylo Ren, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Snoke took his place on the throne.

“I have Luke Skywalker’s location, Master.” Kylo kneeled down on one knee with his head down.

“How?” Snoke’s voice roared through the room causing a slight echo.

“General Hux helped me to focus and exploit the bond I share with him.”

“Has he been helping you this entire time?”

“No, sir.”

“Just on this one occasion?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You may stand,” Snoke said with a dismissive hand wave. Kylo stood. “I’ve been trying for weeks and one hour with General Hux and you were able to get it?” Snoke had a condescending tone that Hux hated. He knew the implication that he was less was there. He wasn’t a Force-user. He couldn’t compare to either Snoke nor Kylo Ren. He wasn’t strong enough for Snoke.

“If I may? You have been using the same technique and getting the same result,” Kylo tried to explain in a complacent, nonthreatening tone.

“Well, we have the coordinates to the last Jedi and his newest apprentice. General Hux has served his purpose. You may dispose of him now.”

The words Hux had come to see as inevitable finally hit him like a wall. He was going to die on this planet under Snoke’s order, under Kylo’s hand.

“Master?” Kylo questioned. “He’s more useful to us alive, by far.”

“I did not ask for your opinion. Surely you’ve realized I had no intentions of letting him leave.”

Hux kept his breathing even, as if he were still in his room with Kylo, keeping his breath steady. He knew better than to say a word.

“I assumed if he proved himself worthy, you would spare his life.”

“You assumed incorrect. He has too much power over you, Apprentice. No mere human should be so significant to you.”

Kylo’s hand paused on the hilt of his saber on his hip. He couldn’t even look over at Hux.

“If you will not, I will,” Snoke roared as he stood. “General Hux, you have served your purpose. You may take your life now.”

The words rang through his mind and, against his will, he found himself repeating the words. His hand reached for the blaster on his own hip.

“Do not!” Kylo’s voice interrupted. Hux’s hand froze on the holstered blaster.

“You dare defy me, Apprentice? Does he mean that much to you?” Snoke stepped closer. Hux could feel himself trembling and hated himself more for it. “What is so special about him?”

Hux shivered as Snoke ran his cold fingertips down Hux’s face. Snoke radiated energy, similar to when Kylo was upset.

“He has already given his life to serve you. He has the skills to command fleets of starships to victory more efficiently than any other person under your influence. You’re going to discard him and his abilities like it’s nothing. That is unwise.”

“You do not decide whether my actions are wise or otherwise. You have not seen what I have.”

“Then show me, Master.” Kylo bowed his head as Snoke stepped over to him instead. Hux was still frozen, not that he was sure he’d want to move if he had the ability to. Snoke’s slight gesture of his hand brought Kylo’s head back up. Snoke barely brushed his cheek, but he went eerily still. When he came back to, Ren looked at him with reverence.

Hux realized Kylo’s hold over him had finally let up. He reached for his blaster once again to raise it to Snoke’s head. If he was going to die anyways, he may as well put up a fight. He’d been fighting his entire life, why stop now?

Several bones in his fingers were broken with a harsh snap by Kylo. Hux couldn’t help the hurtful look he shot at Kylo. Snoke looked pleased. He continued to look pleased even after Kylo drove the hilt of his lightsaber against Snoke’s neck and ignited the weapon. The red plasma blade seared through the Supreme Leader’s skull. After that initial strike, Kylo kept going, strike after strike, as if his anger had taken over.

Hux sunk to his knees with a relieved sob. He remained in that position until Kylo’s arms were around him and his lips were pressing against any part of Hux’s face he could reach.

“You’re alive. You’re okay,” Kylo kept murmuring until Hux had no choice but to believe him.

“You killed him,” Hux’s voice was quiet. “You killed him because I…”

“You _need_ to survive, Hux.”

“No,” Hux shook his head. “I didn’t. I’m…insignificant.”

“No.” Kylo shook his head. “You’re not,” he insisted adamantly. “You are so important, Hux. You don’t have a clue yet. You needed to survive this.”

“We should get back. I want to get back to the _Finalizer_ , back to my position.”

Kylo paused before nodding. “Okay. We can do that.”

The walk back to Hux’s quarters was quiet and awkward. He had everything still in his case so all he had to do was gather his datapad, glasses, and greatcoat. Ren took his hand as they walked back to the shuttle they had abandoned four standard weeks ago.

“He’s gone for good, right?” Hux finally got up the nerve to ask as they boarded.

“Yes. We wouldn’t be leaving here if he weren’t.”

“What did he show you?”

“I’ll show you once we’re on our way back. I just want to get out of here.”

Hux nodded in agreement. “What happens now?” He took his place in the copilot seat while Ren set to work getting them in the air.

“Well, someone will have to take over in Snoke’s place.”

Hux noted Kylo’s usage of ‘Snoke’ instead of Supreme Leader or Master. Leave it to him to overanalyze things even while in shock.

“You will do splendidly,” Hux said. Ren had killed Snoke, he was a Force-user, and despite his childish outbursts, he was strong. He would have potential to be a good leader in Snoke’s place.

“I’m not meant to lead.”

“You’re the leader of those Knights of Ren.”

“That’s different. That’s not a significant part of the galaxy and I don’t need to deal with politics.”

“Then, who?”

Kylo was silent as he continued flipping switches and twisting dials. The shuttle took off with a slight lurch from not having been flown in weeks. He keyed in the coordinates to the _Finalizer_ then got out of his seat to kneel before Hux as he had to the Supreme Leader less than an hour ago.

“No.”

“Hux—“

“No, Ren. After…after that, no!”

“Vashta, will you allow me to show you what he showed me?”

Curiosity won out in the end. Kylo raised his gloved hand to Hux’s face, cupping his cheek gently. Hux felt his body tense as he watched the scene play out before him. He was dressed in bright whites, a similar attire to his general’s uniform. Around his left sleeve were four golden bands instead of the silver on his uniform currently. Clasped around his neck was a white cape that flowed down to the backs of his knees. The inside was a deep, dark red, a color that reminded him of blood. His boots were a pristine white version of the ones he had worn for the majority of his life. Even the gloves were white.

“I don’t understand.” The images surrounding that main image went by too quickly. He couldn’t keep up.

“The Resistance crumbles with you and only you as Emperor.”

“Why?” Hux asked meekly. “If that were the case, why did the Supreme Leader want me dead?”

“He thought he could do it himself if he could get me to protect him as I would you. He thought without you in the picture, I would follow him without question.”

“But you wouldn’t have?”

Kylo shook his head. “He would have ended up killing me before he got what he wanted from me. I want to show you one more thing, something Snoke tried to hide from me.” Kylo reached his hand back up to Hux’s face. Once again, a series of images surrounded one clear image. This time, Kylo was by Hux’s side. Instead of his heavy robes and ridiculous mask, the uniform he had on was of similar design to Hux’s but was black and lacked the cape. Kylo had a red sash that ran from the middle of his shoulder, across his broad chest, to around his waist. He stood still next to Hux, on edge, but held his hand under Hux’s.

“You’re more than my protector,” Hux guessed.

“Yes,” Ren admitted with a sheepish look.

“How much into the future is that?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Right.”

“It’s a lot to take in, I know.”

“Ren, I’m exhausted. Anything would be a lot to take in now,” Hux conceded.

“How is your hand?”

“Depends. How many fingers did you break?”

“Two. There should be something you can wrap your fingers with in the back. We have a day and a half before we’re back to the _Finalizer_. Why don’t you sleep a bit, too?”

Hux nodded slowly before lifting himself out of the seat. He made the wide bandage work by folding it in half and wrapping the two fingers together tightly. It didn’t take him long to realize he couldn’t maneuver himself out of his binder with his hand the way it was. He’d be stuck in it until they were back on the _Finalizer_ and he could set his fingers properly. The pain from his hand and from the constricting fabric around his chest didn’t keep him awake for long after his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I like where this is going. Kylo and Hux are turning out more OOC than I wanted and I'm having a hard time connecting the points I want to connect without making them too OOC. I might have to take a break to write something fluffy to get it out of my system then return to this. I should have planned certain things out ahead of time instead of just letting it go.


	12. General Hux and Kylo Ren Return

Kylo retrieved Hux before they requested to dock. He had finally gotten some solid sleep in the time it took the shuttle to reach the ship. Kylo kept himself awake, fearful that he would fall into one of his nightmares and accidentally try to kill Hux again. He’d sleep when he got back to his room on the _Finalizer_.

They had no problems docking on an empty dock. Only a few Stormtroopers were present to assist if need be. Kylo waved them off.

“I assume you’ll be going to your office or the bridge for duty,” Kylo said.

“Yes. I feel better than I have in months, I plan on taking advantage of that.”

“Good. Don’t overwork yourself. You have a lot of work ahead of you.”

Until Kylo said that, Hux had forgotten about the vision he had been shown. He could almost feel the color drain from his face but retained his neutral expression.

“It would appear so.”

“Until later, General.” Kylo bowed his head respectfully, as he had with the Supreme Leader, raised his hood, then took his leave.

They had gotten back in the middle of the day cycle, the beginning of the afternoon shift. Hux decided the sooner he got this over with the better it would be and the easier the transition would be. He called for an immediate, emergency meeting in a conference room for all the officers after he had gotten his hand taken care of in the medbay.

It appeared their ranks had grown a bit in Hux’s absence. There were definitely more officers than there had been before he left. He had only the time it took for the officers to arrive to think about what he would say.

“There have been unforeseen circumstances following the depart of Kylo Ren for training. Events have taken place that resulted in the fall of Supreme Leader Snoke. This was _not_ an act of treason from Kylo Ren. He, and I, hold the values of the First Order above all else and will work towards those goals in the future. For the time being, I would appreciate all questions or concerns be directed to me, not Kylo Ren. He is not to be disturbed. It has been decided Kylo Ren will act as the voice of the next Supreme Leader until further actions can be taken.”

No one said a word. Many of the officers looked like they were having a hard time processing Snoke’s demise. Some kept shifting with an uncomfortable look.

“Sir?” Lieutenant Mitaka was the first to break the silence. “Kylo Ren?”

“Yes, Lieutenant. With Ren being the Master of the Knights of Ren, as much as I loathe to admit it, makes him a viable replacement.”

“Will we be releasing that information to the public?” Another captain asked.

“As of right now, no. It will be easier the quieter we keep this. Eventually we will release that information through First Order approved channels. The last thing we want is the Resistance discovering Supreme Leader Snoke has fallen.”

“What were the circumstances surrounding his death?” The person who asked had a look of distrust.

“An act of self-defense. Kylo Ren’s completion of his training forced him to take the Supreme Leader’s life, to prove himself worthy.”

“Why would the Supreme Leader do that?”

“Kylo Ren is strong enough to take his place. That was his will.” An outright lie. However, Hux was adept at keeping his expressions neutral. Besides, the way Hux saw it, Kylo Ren was the new Supreme Leader and it was his will to surpass Snoke.

“His will was to have his student kill him?”

“In a way. He needed to know Kylo was strong enough. Kylo passed the tests the Supreme Leader gave to him. That is all that is important.” Hux had a tone of finality in attempts to avoid any more questions regarding the details of Snoke’s death.

After a list of other questions and a couple of comments, Hux dismissed the officers. He stayed in the room for another standard hour, just skimming through the system after almost a standard month away from it.

“Sir. Sir!” Lieutenant Mitaka was panting slightly when he returned to the room.

“Settle, Lieutenant. What is it?”

“There’s commotion near Lord Ren—Supreme Leader Ren’s room. A Stormtrooper reported loud yelling and sounds of destruction while passing his chambers.”

Hux gave a tight nod. “Understood, Lieutenant. You are dismissed.” Hux placed his datapad in the inside pocket of his overcoat and began a slightly brisk walk in the direction of Ren’s rooms.

Once inside the dark room, he made his way to Ren’s bedroom, finding that was the source of all the sounds.

“Lights thirty percent. Can you not even sleep on your own for two hours, Ren?” Hux talked loud enough to make his presence known, hoping to avoid any attempts at murder this time around. Kylo continued tossing and turning. His clothes on the floor kept fluttering and the objects on tabletops around his room kept shaking, almost humming with a dangerous amount of energy.

Hux placed his gloved hand against Kylo’s warm, sweaty forehead, palm flat against the skin. Kylo’s entire body writhed under Hux’s touch until he leaned down to talk softer to Ren.

“Shh, he’s gone, Ren. You’re no longer in danger of Snoke’s wrath. You made sure of that.” Hux’s hand moved to Kylo’s shoulder. “You…protected me,” Hux admitted reluctantly. He hated that Kylo Ren of all people had to come to his rescue. He still wasn’t sure whether he would have rather Kylo let Snoke kill him or not, especially when factoring in Kylo’s vision. For the second time in his life that he could remember, he was afraid.

Hux removed his glove and placed his hand gently on Kylo’s neck with the pad of his thumb stroking his cheek. After a few moments, he sat on the edge of the bed. It took some time, but eventually Kylo settled.

Through the whole ordeal, Kylo hadn’t woken up. It made Hux think he was trapped in his nightmares with no way of escape. He couldn’t imagine what Ren had nightmares of, he was the kind of stuff that caused nightmares in others.

Slowly, the objects around the room also stopped moving. His breathing rate slowed and the feeling of oppressive energy in the air faded away.

“That’s better,” Hux murmured. After returning the lights to two percent, Hux pressed his lips to Kylo’s forehead. “You’re safe here,” he murmured once more, as if it would keep the terrors of Ren’s mind away.

Hux returned to his room and proceeded to finally remove his binder with a relieved sigh. He wanted to spend the next week, at least, in his room just to not have to wear his binder. He didn’t even put an undershirt on for fear the fabric would agitate the red skin where the tight fabric had cut in after four weeks of almost constant usage.

He felt tears welling up from the relief the cool sheets brought against his heated skin. As much as he wanted to get some more sleep, he kept himself awake for the rest of the day cycle and kept himself busy with answering messages as they came in.

Just before he went to sleep, he decided to send a message to Kylo. _’If you keep having trouble sleeping, come find me.’_

The next day, he indulged in working from his room. He couldn’t bear the thought of trying to get his binder back on with two broken fingers and the still-raw skin. He at least put an undershirt on to cover himself.

Hux had to laugh at the idea of informing Kylo he couldn’t fuck him for 5-7 standard weeks. That would have been a hell of a way to tell Kylo he was trans. _’What do you mean you can’t? Because your fingers are broken?’_ He wasn’t sure who would be more upset over it, himself or Kylo. Getting himself off would be hard enough; he never was good with his left hand.

He wasn’t expected to be on duty that day anyways. It wouldn’t come as a shock if he had said Snoke’s death had taken quite the toll on him. Not even Kylo Ren interrupted him until after the night cycle started.

When he heard a knock at his door at 2200, he scrambled to put his appearance at least somewhat together. He just put a black t-shirt on over his binder.

Hux wasn’t surprised to see Kylo’s covered face. No words were exchanged as Kylo disrobed down to his leggings and undershirt to crawl into Hux’s bed. After four weeks, no words were needed.


	13. Convincing the Emperor

The following day, the general was dressed and on the bridge by 0700, as per usual (or, what had been per usual four weeks ago). There were members of the crew he hadn’t gotten acquainted with yet, and made sure to before the day was out. Captain Phasma hadn’t returned, much to Hux’s disappointment. She was marked as deceased after the destruction of the Starkiller base. As much as Hux wanted to believe she got out and made for the Outer Rim, he knew she wouldn’t abandon the First Order.

The new crew members seemed proficient enough. They worked well with each other and those who had been stationed on the _Finalizer_ previously. Hux had no qualms with any of them.

Even still, he approached officers that had been stationed before his departure to update him on all that had happened in the last several weeks.

Kylo Ren made use of the training room that day. He didn’t talk to anyone and no one tried talking to him. General Hux had made it clear not to bother Ren and Ren had appreciated that.

When Hux went off duty for the day, he found Kylo still in the training room working on his hand-to-hand combat skills. He was looking better. The color in his face was nice to see and the dark circles no longer had dark circles of their own. He was eating properly, Hux made sure of it, and sleeping better. They both were.

It didn’t mean they weren’t still struggling, but they would struggle together if that’s what it took to keep going.

 _’We need to talk. Later,’_ Hux heard Kylo in his head once again. He was beginning to get used to it. It almost comforted him to hear, to feel, Kylo’s presence.

“After you eat dinner,” Hux called across the room. Kylo pulled his robes on.

“Have you eaten yet?” Ren asked as he caught up to Hux by the door.

“No.”

They ate in Hux’s room that night. It was starting to feel normal again to be back on the _Finalizer_ , despite everyone referring to Ren as Supreme Leader Ren.

“You’ve had time to adjust, Vashta, but you need to take over, soon,” Kylo said after they had finished eating.

“Ren, as much as I hate to admit it, you are far better suited for the Supreme Leader’s replacement.”

“We don’t need a replacement Supreme Leader. The First Order needs its Emperor.”

“You’re still on about that vision you had? Couldn’t it be possible the Force is wrong on this one? Couldn’t there possibly be another way?”

“Since when have you turned down power?”

“Since it’s been made clear how easily I could meet my demise.”

“You won’t. Not as long as I’m around.”

“Exactly! You’re better suited, Ren.”

“That’s not how it needs to be, Hux. I don’t know how else I can make you understand. If you do not step up, the First Order falls. I cannot allow that to happen.” Ren paused, contemplating. “ _I_ need _you_ ,” he met Hux’s eyes.

“No, you don’t.” Hux could feel his face heating up under Ren’s gaze with his adamant tone.

“Not only do I need you, the First Order and all of its followers need you. Vashta, you’re the reason the First Order succeeds or doesn’t. It is you. You’ve seen it yourself.”

“I’ve seen myself as Emperor, nothing more.”

“I’ve watched the First Order fall because you refused to lead. I’ve watched the First Order rise to power, rule over the galaxy under your grace, because you led. You would have grown bored being a general under Snoke’s rule anyways.”

“But I’m only…me,” Hux hated how vulnerable his voice sounded. There was no way _he_ could be that important. He had worked his entire life to make general. While he dreamed as a child to rule the galaxy, those dreams had been pushed aside by his realistic views. He wasn’t meant to follow, but the events that had led to this moment had shaken him, he didn’t feel confident enough to lead the Order to victory either.

That was where Ren came in. The Force-user couldn’t rule in Hux’s place. He was too impulsive, too hot-headed, too ill-tempered. Hux was strategic, cunning, and level-headed. His words could make people follow him, cause systems to fall to his will. He just needed his confidence back.

“Well, Vashta, you’re pretty damn important.”

“How can _you_ accept this so willingly? You, of all people, would want to follow me? Lord Ren—Supreme Leader Ren, you would make me bow before you to admit your strength is greater than mine. You, with the Force, who can make people tremble in fear just by the mere mention of your name—“

“General Hux, the greatest threat of the Resistance. The Republic fears you the most, after Snoke, who is now gone. General Hux, the fearsome general who ordered the destruction of the Hosnian system, the general who commands troops to victory after victory. General Hux, the man known to have no empathy for rebels. You, you do make people tremble at the mention of your name. What do you have to be fearful of? Take your rightful place upon your throne, as you have always dreamed of.”

“Childish whims,” Hux dismissed.

“Hidden desires,” Ren countered. “You thought it impossible, so you _gave up_. General—Emperor, you cannot give up. The moment you do is the moment you stop living.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“Absolutely. Without you, we’re all dead. Your officers would be the first to go, each captured and tortured for information on you, on me, on my Knights. How long do you think Lieutenant Mitaka would last before revealing the location of the _Finalizer_? 

“After all of your officers and troops have been killed, then they will come after my Knights, who would sooner be killed than to spill a word about the First Order. Lastly will be the capture of me, followed by you. What do you think the Republic will do to us? Would you have the willpower to end it yourself? Or would you allow them to use your public death as a warning to the rest of the galaxy?”

Hux refused to let himself picture that scenario. He was always fearful of being captured, of being discovered. If the Republic caught him and revealed that a large part of the First Order was being led by a transgender man, he feared he would never be able to regain his dignity. He would be made a laughing stock and the First Order morale would drop exponentially. Their intimidation would no longer be as useful. But Ren couldn’t know that.

“Will you show me again?” Hux asked with a neutral tone. Ren brought both of Hux’s hands between his own.

“As you wish, my Emperor.”

 

“It has to be you that announces it. It has to come from our current Supreme Leader,” Vashta explained.

“Sure, sure. Even though it was you who named me Leader. Even with the title of Supreme Leader, it was always you in control,” Ren said with a slight smirk.

“Tomorrow, then?”

“Tomorrow,” Ren agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy chapter is fluffy. Kylo reassuring Hux? Why not? Honestly, I didn't like Hux turning down a chance at emperor, because that isn't in his character. But I guess the whole ordeal with Snoke shook him more than he'd like to admit?  
> That's the explanation I'm sticking to.


	14. Emperor Hux

Vashta followed Ren onto the bridge. It was towards the beginning of the morning shift, 0800, timed so the the majority of the crew would be on the bridge. The officers were requested to appear as well, even the night shift officers.

As Kylo walked by the line of crew members on either side, they all bowed their heads respectfully towards him. Hux was sure many of them wanted to make a break for it. No one liked being in the same room as Kylo, especially since he had returned. Hux had overheard more than a couple ‘troopers chattering about how much worse Ren was without his mask, something about the dark energy he gave off. Hux didn’t notice any difference, but apparently everyone else had.

Everyone was silent, waiting for Ren to address them. Hux could almost taste the fear and tension in the air. He could only imagine what Ren was going through sensing it through the Force.

Kylo lowered his hood and paused. No one said a word but something told Hux they were thinking very loudly. Kylo looked as if it might be overwhelming for just a moment before managing an indifferent gaze down the bridge. The general stepped in line with his other officers.

“It is in the best interest of the First Order to be led and commanded by General Vashtastrata Hux.”

It was clear Kylo had no clue how to go about announcing the election of an emperor, nor how to explain that decision.

“General Hux is much more knowledgeable to First Order conducts. My Knights and I are better served protecting our new Emperor.”

“Emperor, sir?” Lieutenant Mitaka asked from his place, a couple people over from Hux.

“Yes,” Ren answered. “I was gifted with a vision through the Force. The First Order falls if Vashtastrata Hux isn’t made Emperor. It is through his efforts that we succeed.”

“Would we inform the public of Supreme Leader Snoke’s demise?” Another captain asked.

“We will make announcements just to First Order factions when we are ready. If the news happens to spread to the Republic, so be it. General Hux is already a major First Order figure, he already has a target on his back.”

“Sir, surely with your Force abilities, you’re more qualified—“

Hux didn’t take offense from his men arguing for Kylo Ren to lead them. It wasn’t that they lacked faith in General Hux. They, like Hux, were smart. They realized Force-users were harder to kill and had some sort of foresight average humans did not, as much as Hux loathed to admit. The idea of ruling was beginning to grow on him. The confidence Ren had in him had helped his own shaken confidence.

“Qualified or not, it is not my place to take. It is Vashtastrata Hux’s place.” The look on Ren’s face dared anyone to challenge his decision. “If you do not believe he can and will lead us to victory, I suggest you speak up now. This is our main base. We have to have the support of everyone here before we even think about going public. Is that understood?”

Everyone bowed their heads once again. “Yes sir,” they all echoed, some were more sure than others.

A Stormtrooper appeared at the entrance of the bridge. After a slight pause, he addressed the general.

“Sir, there are three shuttles requesting access to dock,” the masked female voice said.

“Did they give their identification numbers?” There weren’t any supply shuttles scheduled for at least three days.

“Yes sir, but they didn’t match any numbers in our system.”

“What were the numbers?” Ren piped up.

“KR-934J8, KR-935F7, and KR-937I5.”

“Let them dock,” Kylo demanded without explaining. “We’re finished here,” he said as he pulled his hood back up and made to leave.

 

Kylo met with his seven Knights in the closest conference room from the docking bays. The room itself was smaller than most of the other rooms, but was fine for Ren’s purpose. He thought about asking Hux to join him but thought better of it. It was bad enough when Hux was alone with Ren, let alone eight total Force-users.

Only one other Knight was human, like Kylo. The other six were alien types, five of which didn’t speak a word of Basic. This didn’t cause a problem for them. The Force went beyond language barriers. It was through this connection, Kylo found himself able to understand the native languages of his Knights.

All seven had sensed Snoke’s death and immediately returned to the _Finalizer_. Kylo thought he even heard a couple of them discussing their odd vision of a red-headed emperor figure. Kylo was suddenly very relieved he didn’t invite Hux to join them.

“An Alliance forged through a Force-bond with the new Emperor,” one of his Knights had said. Kylo found his face quite warm at the idea that his Knights had seen _everything_. “It was just glimpses, but it is supposed to be the strongest bond in the galaxy.”

“Welcome,” Kylo interrupted the chatter and bowed his head slightly. “Had I known you were coming, proper preparations would have been made.”

“It was rather sudden.” Several voices had responded. Kylo couldn’t be bothered to differentiate who had said what.

“What is this of an emperor, Kylo?” a lone voice asked.

“You’ve witnessed what I have. You know it has to be. Supreme Leader Snoke attempted to deceive me by showing a different vision, twisted, a lie.”

“So you weren’t just acting on impulse to save the red-haired man, Hux?”

Kylo felt his face grow hot. “No, not completely. There was more to it than his protection.”

“We support you,” a chorus of voices murmured together. “We will support and protect him, too.”

Kylo breathed a sigh of relief.

“You care for this man,” a voice pointed out.

“I do,” Kylo admitted, attempting a confident semblance. He couldn’t lie to his Knights, they would pick up on it instantly.

“He worries for you. We do, too, Master,” a couple voices sung together.

“There is no reason to worry.” Kylo rubbed at his suddenly weary eyes.

“You aren’t sleeping,” the other human said out loud.

“We can feel your exhaustion,” more voices agreed with the human. “Your meditative state brings about anxiety and darkness, a dangerous darkness.”

“I’m working on it,” Kylo muttered defensively.

“The Emperor helps. He makes it stop temporarily. You need him.”

“I am not weak. I would survive without him. However, we all need him to ensure the continuation of the Order.”

“We will stay with you during this delicate time.” All of the voices agreed readily. They wanted to ensure a smooth transition as well as keep an eye on Kylo. He appreciated their loyalty and concern.

“There’s some hesitation from the Emperor. Are you sure he is willing?” a single mind voiced.

“The events over the last several weeks have unnerved him, certainly. But he has accepted the vision I shared with him. He understands how imperative it is. He’s stronger than he appears at first glance.”

“We trust your judgment.” All seven Knights bowed their heads slightly.

“If you’ll allow me to, I will find you rooms aboard.” Kylo had planned on using his room to house a couple of them, his bed and the spare in his quarters hadn’t been used much at all recently. He would have to ask Hux about spare chambers.

“After you’ve done that, return here. We would like to try meditation to help you.”

Kylo nodded. He didn’t have much of a choice.

Meditation went about as well as Kylo expected. He was used to being alone, similar to when he slept, and feeling that dark presence _lurking in his peripheral, as if waiting for the time to strike. Kylo feared for when that time came._

_He was used to feeling rage and anger simmering below the surface. It was easy to draw on these emotions for fuel during battles and training. It was almost instinct at this point. But the shadowy presence had an overwhelming inhumane feeling. It was the lack of control, lack of concern, lack of humanity that scared him. It would result in mindless destruction of anything and everything that got in his way, whether it be his Knights or even Hux, who he _knew_ needed to survive for the time being. He was better than that, smarter than that. The Force controlled him, but this presence wasn’t part of the Force; it was something different._

_If Kylo had thought the bi-directional pull of the Light side and Dark side of the Force had been bad, this tri-directional pull was destroying him._

_In their meditative state, the Knights had hoped to try and drive the shadow away from Kylo completely. What they hadn’t expected was the shadow drawing Kylo away, isolating him from them._

_Hours passed, Kylo fought a silent war in his own mind against a presence he couldn’t quite sense. When Kylo screamed out in pain, the Knights gave in and pulled themselves out of their meditative state. Kylo’s eyes opened wide, his lips took the shape of a feral grin. Both of his irises were completely blood red. It took three of his Knights holding him down to keep Kylo from fighting back._

_When Kylo came to, his head filled with buzzing from all seven Knights. Kylo had never seen them so nervous._


	15. I Hate You More

Kylo went straight to Hux’s room. He didn’t know what time it was, but he hoped Hux would be there. He needed to not be around anyone. He could barely wait for Hux to key open the door himself before he pulled the other man close into an embrace. He heard the door behind him close while he felt Hux’s hands on the back of his head and rubbing his back instinctively.

“You’re sweaty,” Hux commented after a few seconds. He noticed Ren was trembling as well while he buried his face into Hux’s collar. Hux was concerned, Kylo could sense it as if it were his own mind. He focused on the rhythm of Hux’s hand on his back to stave off his fear.

“I was meditating.”

“I thought meditating was supposed to be calming.”

“Can’t even do that right,” Ren said with a slight chuckle.

“Does that mean you’re no longer safe meditating?”

“Only one safe place anymore,” Kylo murmured. Hux couldn’t hear what he had said.

Hux waited patiently for a few more minutes before telling Ren to go clean himself up and return back in fresh clothing. Hux used the time to finish up anything he _needed_ to get done that night.

Once again, Hux found himself sitting cross-legged in front of Kylo on his bed. They were close enough that Hux could feel Ren’s body heat but not close enough to be touching. He hadn’t been one for meditating, but if this is what it took to bring Kylo some semblance of peace, he’d try it.

Hux focused on Kylo’s deep, even breaths until he was lulled into a rather calm state. Kylo could feel the shadowy figure off to the side, further away. In front of him, he could feel Hux’s presence. It wasn’t so much as light that chased the shadow away, nor did it feel like a battle. No, Hux’s simple presence kept it further away until Kylo found himself not worrying himself about it. He could relax. Hux wouldn’t allow him to be hurt.

He surrounded himself with Force energy, surrounded them both in it. He didn’t feel isolated as he had with his Knights. The shadow couldn’t push Hux away. In this state, Light or Dark didn’t matter to Kylo. The comfort of having the Force around him, bending to his will, allowed him to relax completely.

He let the images run through him, most were regarding the nearby future with Hux as emperor. Some were memories of importance to Kylo, moments that brought him strength.

Kylo ended with a feeling of hopelessness. He didn’t want to be stuck with Hux for the remainder of his life, practically on a leash because he couldn’t get rid of the shadow fighting against his being. He didn’t know what to do, what he could do. Truthfully, he had hoped it would die with Snoke, since he had been the one to produce yet another struggle in Ren’s mind.

“Better?” Hux opened his eyes and brushed his fingers over Kylo’s knuckles. Kylo simply nodded and laid down with his back to Hux. “You’re sulking. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It went fine.”

With a soft sigh, Hux pressed a soft kiss to the sensitive place behind Ren’s ear. Working his way down, he lightly kissed Ren’s neck. Just like anyone Hux has ever been with, Kylo melted to the soft touches. When Hux reached his collar, he pulled it down and bit into the place his neck met his shoulder.

“What’re you doing?” Ren’s voice was quiet, followed by a pleasant sigh.

“We’re safe. You’ve decided to make yourself comfortable in _my_ bed and expect me not to take advantage of the situation?”

“Hux.” Ren turned his head, his voice barely above a whisper with a hint of reluctance. Hux kissed him, finishing with a bite to Ren’s bottom lip. Hux paused to give his partner a chance to voice his discomfort. When he didn’t, Hux met Ren’s brown eyes as he slid a hand into his leggings and underwear.

Ren brought his hands up to Hux’s shoulders, gripping him tightly as his eyes fluttered closed. Hux shifted himself closer after removing his hand from Ren’s pants. He replaced the pressure by hooking his leg around Ren’s, pushing his thigh up against the front of his thin, black leggings.

Hux felt Kylo encircle his arm around his waist, his large hand flat on his lower back. He reveled in Kylo’s leg rubbing just right on the insides of his thighs.

“You’ll overheat with your jacket on.” Ren didn’t try to remove the fabric, instead decided to make an observation. Hux relented and removed the outer layer of clothing, leaving him in a t-shirt and his trousers.

Kylo didn’t hesitate to pull him back with a firm grip on Hux’s waist. He put a knee on either side of Ren’s torso and leaned down over Ren to resume kissing him with the occasional bite to his full bottom lip.

Ren’s hands untucked his undershirt. Hux could feel his warm hands under his shirt, resting innocently just above the waistband to his pants. Ren began picking up on the discomfort Hux was expressing. In hopes of soothing him, Ren interlocked his fingers across Hux’s lower back. Silently, so he didn’t have to break the rather pleasant kiss, he promised Hux he wouldn’t do anything he was uncomfortable with.

“We never did discuss this whole relationship thing,” Kylo said as Hux rocked his pelvis back against Kylo’s lap.

“Really? Right now? You want to do that _now_?”

“No, not particularly. I was just stating a fact. We’re no longer co-commanders.”

“I suppose not,” Hux considered without stopping his rhythm. “You’ve seen our futures. Do we truly fall in love? Are we even capable of that at this point?”

Kylo pushed Hux underneath him in a surprisingly smooth motion. Ren straddled Hux’s lap instead but kept his hands on Hux’s sides. “I don’t know. There were too many other emotions going around for me to be certain. I am fairly sure we don’t hate each other.”

“How do you think it happened? Was it just power keeping us together?”

“How did it happen? Stars, Hux. Maybe it originated from you blowing me because you were out-of-your-mind horny.”

“You were the one who came to me.”

“What would you have done if I hadn’t been there that night?”

“Same thing I’ve done the other nights you weren’t there. Oh, don’t look so discouraged.”

“I’m not.” Ren was clearly pouting. Hux used every bit of his willpower to keep from rolling his eyes. “Why do you have such a hard time believing you could care about someone?”

“We’re not having this conversation while I’m—we’re doing this.”

“Okay.” Kylo pushed Hux off of him with care.

“You’re really choosing talking over a blowjob?” Hux asked incredulously.

“If you can turn down sex, then so can I.” How Ren managed to sound so _childish_ , Hux would never understand.

“Fine.” Hux sat back up. “Go on.”

“You won’t let yourself care about anyone else. Why?”

“It’s easier this way.” Hux shrugged as he crossed his arms over his chest. “This way my work ethic isn’t affected by someone else.”

“You’re afraid.” Ren tilted his head curiously. “You’re afraid to lose someone close to you.”

“You aren’t?” Hux internally cringed at the defensive tone he had taken.

“Of course I am. But I don’t let that isolate me from those around me.” Ren paused. “You must be so lonely.”

“I am not. Do _not_ pity me, Kylo Ren.”

“Of course not, Emperor Vashtastrata.”

“ _This_ ,” Hux bit out between his teeth. “This is why I find it hard to believe love is involved in any relationship we will ever have.”

“Perhaps you are right. Perhaps it’s just for show with the occasional fuck whenever _you_ feel like it.”

“You were the one pushing for it last time.” Hux raised his voice. “While we’re _talking_ , did you really need to break my fucking hand?”

“You’re complaining about your hand. At least you’re still alive.”

“Being stuck with you is no life.”

“Believe me, I’m not thrilled about the idea either.”

“If we’re done, I’d love to go to sleep,” Hux huffed.

“By all means, Emperor. Don’t let me stop you.”

They laid back to back without touching. Hux could still feel the heat radiating off of Kylo’s frame, keeping him comfortably warm under his covers. He’d never admit it to Kylo, but his bed was much colder without his Knight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It started out so nice and fluffy. Originally planned on another sex scene to hopefully get myself to try and break up the somewhat serious atmosphere and to get over the funk I had been in while trying to keep this story going, but they ended up fighting. Whoops  
> Also, this is getting dragged out a lot more than I ever thought it would be. I'm going to try to aim for Hux revealing himself in the next couple of chapters, somehow. Still haven't figured out exactly _how_ , but I'm beginning to think it's going to be pretty anticlimactic no matter how I put it.


	16. Chapter 16

Hux half expected to have Kylo clinging to him when his alarm went off at 0600. He was surprised to discover Kylo still had his back to him but pushed himself awake without thinking much of it.

The broken fingers made certain things more difficult to do, but Hux managed. Ren had been right on that part; Hux was lucky to be alive. He still made it out on time without disturbing Ren.

Hux would be lying to himself if he said he was indifferent to the Knight. He was insufferable at times, stubborn, definitely frustrating. It was amazing neither of them had killed the other with all the time they had been spending together. He disliked him.

On the other hand, Ren could be calm when he wanted to. He’s overemotional but he couldn’t control it, Hux could hardly blame him for the outbursts after experiencing such overwhelming emotions. It was a wonder Ren hadn’t gone insane sooner. He was calmer with Hux around. He would bend to Hux’s will if he so pleased. He cared about Kylo.

Somewhere in the middle would be their relationship. Tense but enjoyable, challenging but so worth it, in time and with effort.

Hux just had the matter of informing Kylo about his…situation. Truthfully, he realized he should have done it ages ago. However, he believed it wasn’t Ren’s business at the time. He had somehow missed the point where it had become Ren’s business. The discussion was far overdue. 

By the end of the day, Hux concluded he would base their future relationship on how well Ren took the information. If he had no qualms, Hux would readily enter into an intimate relationship with him, since that was clearly what Ren had desired. If he caused any problems, their relationship would be a purely working, beneficial arrangement.

Hux just couldn’t think of a way to bring the topic up. He had never had to have this conversation before.

‘I’m not…truly a man,’ Hux thought. He quickly trashed that explanation. He was ‘truly a man.’ He thought about saying it bluntly. ‘I’m a trans male.’ But Kylo’s potential reaction of confusion made him disregard that phrasing, too. It wasn’t until he passed his room completely that he decided he was overthinking it. Maybe he should just let Kylo see him undressed once and for all.

No, he needed to communicate with Kylo. If they had any hope of working this out, he needed to use words, not actions alone.

He found himself pacing in his room, still overanalyzing the entire situation. What if Ren thought he lied to him because he kept it from him so long? Would Ren still want him? Hux couldn’t believe Ren would out him, but he didn’t like the idea of letting Ren in on this. The logical and slightly paranoid part of Hux’s mind pointed out that Ren could blackmail him. The emotional part refused to believe Ren would do that to him.

A small part of Hux believed Kylo already knew. Surely with all the time he spent buried in Hux’s own mind, he saw glimpses of memories or feelings that Hux tried to hide.

Hux had just settled down at his desk to get some work done when Ren walked in. He lost every nerve he had the moment he set eyes on Ren’s face as he lowered the cowl. Why did he have to tell him in that moment?

Before Hux could say a word, Kylo made his way across the room and entered the refresher. The door closed behind him with a soft hiss. Hux had the vague sensation that he was in the middle of a lovers’ quarrel, an unfamiliar place.

After some time, Ren returned dressed down in his leggings and undershirt. Hux didn’t look up from his datapad but heard Ren take his place on Hux’s bed.

“How’s your hand?” Ren broke the silence with his rough voice.

“Doesn’t hurt as much. But I won’t be doing much fingering for five to seven weeks. Sorry to disappoint,” Hux attempted to lighten the mood between them. Kylo didn’t take the bait.

“I am…sorry for the inconvenience,” he said with some reluctance. Neither man was used to apologizing. With a sigh, Hux turned his chair to face Ren on his bed.

“Listen,” Hux waited until Kylo looked up before he continued. “I am not good at communicating my…emotions,” Hux couldn’t keep himself from sneering at the word. “Unlike you, I’ve been taught to suppress any vulnerabilities and emotions just get in the way of effective work. You’re going to have to give me some time. You can’t expect me to respond well to your pity or your accusatory tone. I’m not as in touch with myself as you are. Do _not_ smirk at me, Kylo Ren.” Hux scoffed at Kylo’s obvious, childish train of thought. “And while we’re on that topic, yes, I am very…peculiar about any sort of physical relationship. You’ll have to be patient with me.”

“I’m your first, aren’t I?” Kylo asked with a curious head tilt.

“No, not nearly. Surely I wasn’t so bad that you thought me a blushing virgin?”

Kylo shook his head. “First relationship.”

“If that’s what you consider this, then yes.”

“You care about me.” Kylo’s tone suggested a statement but with his head tilted, it came off as a question to Hux.

“Unfortunately,” Hux said with a grimace. “Do try to not get yourself killed,” he half-joked.

“Would you cry?”

“If you were killed? I’m not sure. Let’s not find out.”

“I appreciate the effort, Vashta,” Kylo said sincerely. “I understand how difficult it is for you to be so open about yourself. Least of all to me.”

“I don’t think you do, but the sentiment is still there.”

Hux felt a soft sensation against his cheek as Kylo spoke softly, “We’ll get there. It’ll be strenuous at times, but we’ll get there.”

“Hey, explain something to me. While you were in my mind, did you go through any memories or personal things?”

“No. A few strong feelings or events would occasionally appear, but I didn’t go out of my way to delve into your consciousness.”

That didn’t exactly answer Hux’s subtle question nor did it do anything to quell his anxiety, but he nodded as if Ren’s response had been helpful.

“Why? Are you trying to hide something from me, Vashta?”

“No,” Hux replied honestly. “Just some personal memories from my childhood that I don’t wish you to riffle through,” he lied in the same breath.

“Do you have much left to do tonight?” Kylo rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward.

“Not particularly. Why?”

“You should come to bed when you’re done.” Just the simple act of Ren running his hand over his upper arm slowly and the implication of his tone caused a hitch in Hux’s breath.

“ _Oh_.”

The corners of Ren’s lips lifted slightly as he watched the realization dawn on Hux’s face. “See? A relationship doesn’t have to affect your efficiency.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “You just have to find a way to ruin _every_ moment, don’t you, Ren?” He spun his chair back around to his desk. The brushing of his cheek finally stopped. “I wasn’t joking when I said I couldn’t fuck you.” The mood was already ruined, Hux figured.

“I’ll do it myself, then.” Hux found himself chuckling. “I’ll even start myself, if you’d like.”

“That would defy the entire arrangement where you don’t disrupt me.”

“It’s not my fault you’re easily distracted,” Kylo goaded.

“Easily,” Hux muttered with a scoff. “How long do you suppose your Knights will be here?”

Ren shrugged. “I haven’t a clue. They’ve decided to stay until they don’t need to worry about me. Why?”

“It’s unnerving having them all on board. I think it’s just the power they emanate. You, alone, are bad enough. Now there’s eight of you. They’re worried for you?”

“I suppose so. It’s not as if them being here is useful. Their concern is entirely justified, but none of us have encountered this problem before. No one knows how to solve it.”

Hux, having had the rare insight into Ren’s mind during their meditation sessions, had an idea of the problem Ren was referring to. That shadow haunting Ren at all moments, the shadow that had appeared when Snoke had begun his “training sessions” on his planet, that shadow that threatened Ren’s humanity. The evil shadow that had caused their fates and futures to be intricately intertwined.

“Can they feel it too?” Hux inquired.

“They can sense it, but not in the same way I can. It’s not threatening them, it’s just me. They’re afraid of what will happen if I lose myself.”

‘Aren’t we all,’ Hux thought to himself. “So I’m still the only suitable remedy.”

“It would appear so.”

“You seem so nonchalant with the impending loss of humanity.”

“Oh, I’m terrified,” Ren sounded unaffected but Hux could tell he meant what he said. He truly was terrified. “It’s frustrating relying on someone else, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“More than you know.” Hux continued typing away at his datapad. A silence grew between the two men. After a while, Vashta was sure Kylo had fallen asleep and spared a glance over his shoulder. His face began growing hot under Ren’s watchful eye as he turned back to his desk.

“So, five to seven weeks?” Kylo asked apprehensively. Hux nodded.

“It’s going to be a _long_ five weeks.” Hux wasn’t even sure how he would do his shot without fumbling with his fingers taped together. With all the medical advancements that had been made, it was still impossible to speed up the healing of a couple of broken fingers, much to Hux’s dismay.

“If you, uh, need help doing things.”

“I might take you up on that.”

Kylo was stunned into silence for a good minute. “Y-You would?” he managed to stutter out. “You do know I meant—“

“Masturbation? Yes, Ren, I know. You have a somewhat predictable train of thought sometimes.”

“You’d let me?” Ren’s eager-to-please attitude was highly amusing to Hux.

“We’ll see. Five weeks is a long time. Don’t push it tonight.”

“I won’t,” Kylo promised.

 

Sex was weird with Kylo, Hux thought. Hux had never met someone who liked fingering as much as Kylo had. He never expected to find himself in a relationship with anyone, not like this. He’d never had sex with someone enough times (and actually _paid attention_ ) to know personal quirks of a person. Kylo liked having his chest stroked in a certain way. He liked the reassuring way Hux rubbed his lower back. He absolutely keened when Hux pulled his hair.

Hux lived for the responses. Things around his room would shift just slightly, not enough to notice unless Hux was looking straight at the object. As Kylo grew closer, he noticed it getting worse. It wasn’t anything too out of control, not until Ren’s fingers hit that lovely spot while Hux’s tongue flicked against the tip just so. The lights flickered and there was a cacophony of Hux’s drawers slamming shut. Hux contently took Kylo back into his mouth to swallow all Ren had to offer before crawling back up to wrap his arm around Ren’s waist to hold him close. Maybe he could get used to this ‘being nice’ thing.


	17. What the fuck, Hux?

It had been going so well all week. Hux would go off duty, have a few hours to himself where he could shed his binder, then promptly allow Ren into his room for the night at 2100 hours. He had settled into this routine with Ren.

This schedule worked until Ren decided to enter Hux’s room without any notice after a meditation session gone wrong with his Knights. Hux had just come back to his room to shower and get comfortable for the next six hours, of which Kylo was supposed to be out. Hux had been mid-stretch in the doorframe in just an undershirt and a pair of shorts. Both men froze.

“You have boobs,” Ren said stupidly with that silly head tilt he did when he was curious or confused.

“Yes,” Hux said slowly with his arms still up above his head. He was waiting to see how this would play out, how Ren would react.

“Hux. We’ve worked together for…seven years, right?”

“Right,” Hux said just as slowly.

“Been on the _Finalizer_ together for three years.”

“Yes.”

“ _Shared_ the same _bed_ for the better part of the last two months.”

“Yes.” Hux finally lowered his arms back to his sides.

“How the fuck?” Ren sputtered out. “After that long, how?”

“How did I hide it from you or how did you not know?” Hux tried chuckling. “With all that foresight, you didn’t see this coming?”

“No!”

“You’re mad?”

“No,” Kylo said in a quieter voice. “I’m just… How the fuck, Hux? Why?”

“Go clean up, then we’ll talk.” Hux stepped to the side so Kylo could use the refresher. He sat cross-legged on his bed, any hope of getting any work done shattered.

 

“So. How much do you want to know?” Hux asked.

“All of it. Actually, scratch that. Anything you’re okay with telling me,” Ren amended quickly.

“So, all of it,” Hux said with a nod. “I was planning on telling you eventually.”

“When?” Kylo sounded incredulous.

“I couldn’t exactly hide it from you forever. It was bound to come out sometime. Stars, am I glad it finally did.” Hux stretched again, appreciating his new freedom of not needing to wear a binder in his own room again.

“So, transgender, huh?”

“Yes. Honestly, I’m astounded you didn’t pick up on it sooner.”

“So you’ve been wearing a binder the entire time?”

“Except for the few hours I could get away.”

“Is that safe?”

“Absolutely not.” Hux unconsciously rubbed the sides of his chests, his arms crossed over his torso. He could feel the marks his binder had left through the thin fabric of his undershirt.

“Why do you do it then?”

“I—Because it… Well.” Hux wasn’t sure how to say ‘It makes me feel better about myself’ without sounding so childish and shallow. “I want you to do that mind reading trick. It will be so much easier than trying to explain.”

“Are you sure?”

“I have nothing to hide.” Hux pulled Kylo’s hand to his face, bringing his large palm to his cheek. Almost immediately he felt the familiar presence of Kylo Ren in his mind. It wasn’t painful like the interrogations Hux had witnessed seemed to be. However, Hux noticed a rather intense look of concentration on Ren’s face. He guessed it took a lot to not hurt the recipient.

Kylo was trying hard not to hurt Hux. Instead of rooting around for a small tidbit of information, he followed any and every intense memory or emotion without any sort of preference. Instead of the overall feeling of jealousy, inadequacy, anger, envy, and other emotions, Kylo experienced different memories attached to these feelings.

He went through the first time he boarded the _Finalizer_ to begin their long co-commandership several times. The hate Hux had felt was almost comparable to the anger that simmered just below the surface for Kylo. He was impressed. When Kylo destroyed the first interrogation room when he didn’t get what he wanted, the hate was almost palatable just from the memory.

Ren also replayed the memory of the first time Hux comforted him, the night the Hosnian system had been destroyed. He felt mostly pity but underneath, the hate had dissipated significantly. He felt…protective of Kylo.

After the destruction of Starkiller base, he wanted so badly to hate and blame Ren. It would be so much easier just to hate him. It was a valiant effort but Hux’s heart just wasn’t in it.

He felt how shaken Hux had been during their time with Snoke. He felt the exhaustion of keeping up appearances and making sure Ren didn’t break. He felt the hopelessness and despair Hux had adopted with the idea of his inevitable demise. He felt the absolute terror as Hux watched Kylo tear Snoke apart, piece by small piece.

He felt the affection growing in Hux. He did, in fact, care about Kylo. He had for a longer time than Kylo had thought. It relieved Kylo to discover.

He also felt the sheer lust Hux had experienced that night Hux had completely undid Kylo with just his mouth. He also felt the shame that followed. Then, there was the shuttle ride to Snoke’s planet, when Kylo threw himself at Hux. Oh, he wanted to, Kylo could hear the thought echoing in Hux’s mind. Hux wasn’t as ashamed that time. No, he was…pleased. Oh, he liked using his fingers on Ren. Kylo began feeling hot under his collar so he moved on to his younger memories.

His father was supportive in the only way he knew how. That left Hux feeling rather isolated and lonely, but accepted. He’d been so alone for his entire life. He wanted nothing than someone to hug him, a childish whim as he called it. He had long passed that point. A hug wouldn’t fix anything. That didn’t stop him from enjoying the physical contact he had had with Ren. He, too, felt safest with Ren in his arms and curled up in his mind, safe from Snoke’s abuse.

_Home._

It felt like the home he never really had. Kylo wasn’t sure which one of them had the thought first, but they both sighed with relief.

_Home._


	18. Yours

“I still can’t believe amidst everything that had been going on, you were not only in physical pain, but endured just so I would discover this. Did you think I would react unpleasantly?”

“No. I just didn’t believe it was your business to know mine. When it did become your business the short window came and passed before I realized it and everything got swept away from me. I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject after all this time,” Hux explained from his spot at his desk. Kylo had taken up residence in Hux’s bed again.

“That explains so much,” Kylo said with a look of awe. “I would sometimes sense certain things and it just wouldn’t make sense. Now it does,” Kylo thought he was explaining. Hux didn’t try to understand.

“Does it bother you?” Hux ventured. He hated how vulnerable his tone sounded to him. He didn’t want to be asking for Kylo’s approval or reassurance. He didn’t _need_ it.

“No. I mean, I’m surprised you haven’t, ya know, gotten…surgery,” Kylo choked out.

“Haven’t had the time. I couldn’t waste time healing while the Republic is still at large.”

“Maybe now’s the time,” Kylo offered in a soft voice. “It wouldn’t be so unusual to seclude yourself during this time of transition. No one would question it.”

“I don’t particularly want to discuss this with you.”

“Then with who? Who else do you have?” Kylo prodded at one of Hux’s sore spots. It was a rather low blow.

Hux turned back towards his desk while he picked his datapad off the floor, where Kylo had knocked it in his excitement earlier.

“Hux, no. I wasn’t—That was stupid of me to say. I just, I want you to be happy and not in pain.”

“I’m fine, Ren. If you hadn’t noticed, I’ve had to deal with this for thirty plus years. I’m doing just fine.”

“Hux, I need you better than fine or managing. I need you to be okay,” Kylo’s voice was quiet and broken. Hux listened with his back still turned to Kylo. “I need you to be okay, because I’m not.”

Once again, Hux felt that soft brush of his cheek that wasn’t Kylo’s actual hand. 

“It doesn’t matter to me how you look,” Kylo continued in the same, soft voice. _’I still want you in every way you’ll have me,’_ Kylo’s voice echoed around his subconscious like an embrace while the stroking of his cheek moved to rubbing his upper arm. Hux relaxed under the touch.

“You’re going to end up saying stupid things,” Hux was telling himself as much as he was informing Ren. “I’ll probably get upset, but we’ll learn from it.” Hux willed himself to be more patient with Ren in the future. Hux turned back around. “I’ve never liked the idea of having sex,” Hux admitted. He figured now was a good a time as any to have this discussion. It would be better if he didn’t have to stop in the heat of the moment to explain this to Ren.

“We don’t have to have a physical relationship, Vashta.”

“No, it’s already been different with you. You’re not as patronizing as I imagined my partners would be. I want to at least try sex with you, it’s just a touchy subject.”

Kylo nodded as if he understood.

“I need you not to question me if I say no to something. Can you do that?”

Ren nodded again. Before Hux could speak again, his datapad chimed with a set alarm. Hux laid his forehead against his desk with a groan.

“Also, I could use your help with something,” Hux kept his head down on the top of his desk.

“Okay.”

Hux willed himself up and to the refresher where he began the tedious routine of fixing his testosterone shot. With the syringe between his teeth, he sat on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor. He rolled up the leg on his shorts to expose his thigh and handed the syringe to Kylo.

“What is it?” Kylo looked at the clear substance in the syringe.

“Testosterone. Helps with dysphoria,” Hux didn’t go into explaining all the effects it had on his body.

“Is it safe?” Ren asked with an unsure look.

“Would it matter?” Before Kylo could answer, Hux continued, “Yes. It’s safe. Here.” Hux pointed the tip up and away from them to flick the side to get the air bubbles out. “Stab right about here,” Hux pointed to his upper thigh. “Push the plunger down and remove. Easy enough?”

Ren nodded.

“Don’t hesitate,” Hux added as he leaned back onto his elbows. He focused on his breathing to get himself relaxed. Tense muscles weren’t conducive to the testosterone. 

“Why do you need my help? Do you normally have someone do this for you?” Ren asked as he pulled the needle out with the gauze pad Hux handed him over the small drop of blood.

“No. I didn’t trust my dexterity with broken fingers.”

“How long have you had to do this for?”

“Every 5 weeks since I was seventeen.”

“How much longer do you have to keep doing injections?”

Hux shrugged. “The rest of my life.”

“You know, with medical treatments the way they are now, you probably could heal in a couple days. You, of all people, would probably be back after a day, bacta patches and all.”

“That still wouldn’t stop my need for injections.”

Ren dabbed the gauze against Hux’s thigh, checking to make sure his blood had clotted. He set the piece of gauze down on the table next to the bed then laid down next to Hux.

“I’m going to have a lot of questions,” Ren said without looking over at Hux. “Please don’t be offended.”

Hux shifted his hand from his stomach to take Ren’s fingers between his own. Ren kept running his finger over the rough bandage on Hux’s fingers. In the silence, Ren moved to put his head on Hux’s chest but Hux pushed him back with a soft “No.”

“I don’t care, Hux,” Ren tried to reassure.

“But I do.” Hux pushed Ren’s shoulders back down. In an awkward, unsure fashion, he positioned himself next to Ren with his head on Ren’s broad chest and Ren’s arm under him.

“Is there anything else I should probably know about, being your lover and all?” Ren teased while he twirled a strand of Hux’s hair around his finger.

“Who said you were my lover?” Hux asked. He most certainly did not _snuggle_ up to Ren’s warm body.

“I’ve seen what you want to do to me. If that isn’t the definition of a lover, then I don’t know what is.”

Hux tilted his head towards Ren with a huff. “Fine,” he murmured with a press of his lips to Ren’s soft-looking, willing mouth. Ren lowered his arm to circle around Hux’s lower back and pull him closer. Hux’s breath hitched at the warm sensation of Kylo’s palm and ghosting fingertips under his shirt, running along his side.

“Emperor Vashta has quite the ring to it,” Ren murmured, his lips barely leaving Hux’s.

“You’re the only one to call me that.” Hux’s nose bumped up against Kylo’s as he kissed him again.

“Emperor?”

“Vashta,” Hux replied in a somewhat breathless voice. “No one else dares call me by my name.”

“Emperor Vashtastrata Hux. The man to bring the galaxy to order.” Ren’s fingertips ran over Hux’s abdomen then back to his side.

“The man to bring Kylo Ren and his Knights to their knees.”

“Oh?” Ren’s lips tilted up towards a smile. “You’re not making me call you ‘master,’ are you?” Kylo’s nose crinkled slightly. Hux pressed his forehead against Ren’s head affectionately.

“Emperor Vashta is fine.” Hux kissed the Knights forehead softly then rolled off the bed. Kylo made a childish noise of protest. “We’ll meditate together later. I just have to get a couple things done first.” Kylo sat up and huffed in response.

 

Hux worked through the messages and reports efficiently until about 2130 hours, when it appeared Ren was beginning to doze off. He left the datapad on his desk and sat down next to Ren with his legs crossed. It took some pulling to get Ren up into a sitting position, between him complaining about being tired and his reluctance to meditate.

“The quicker you get this over with, the quicker we can go to sleep.” Hux was already feeling jittery from the testosterone in his system, his patience running low with Ren. He would do his best not to snap at him, but even after more than fifteen years, he still wasn’t always in control of his temper towards the beginning of his cycle.

Hux let his eyes close. He could feel Ren’s strong, steady pulse in his wrists against his fingertips. Deep, even breaths lulled them both into the calm, dark state. Ren could feel Hux’s presence, once again embracing him, protecting him in a way his Knights weren’t able to.

Thankfully, it had felt as if the shadow had retreated more than usual. Ren hoped it wasn’t just his imagination or delusions that made him think that, but Hux’s presence felt stronger, more sure, while the shadow’s felt weaker. Kylo felt safe with his Emperor.

Hux was patient. He didn’t enjoy watching Ren’s destruction, but Hux felt comforted by the control Ren had over this carnage. He was the one in control of the Force. It wasn’t at all like the shadow had been in control of him as he brought Snoke down.

When Kylo start to pick up on Hux’s thoughts, he decided he was done for the night. This time, he didn’t feel so hopeless. He stopped to watch the peaceful look upon Hux’s face. His undershirt hung loosely off his shoulders. One strap had fallen down his arm. The fabric draped over his body in such an unfamiliar way without his binder on. He looked…softer, somehow. Kylo, for one, knew firsthand Hux was anything but ‘soft,’ in any sense of the word. While he had a lean frame, his arms were defined. His abdomen was pleasantly rigid with muscles despite their time with Snoke.

Kylo wanted to run his hands along his exposed legs. They weren’t nearly as thick as Kylo’s legs, but long and lean. While his skin might be soft, Ren was sure he’d feel the muscle just below the surface if he touched Hux’s thighs. The black shorts had slipped up towards the middle of his thighs. Ren was tempted to slide his fingertips just under the fabric, his large hands splayed over Hux’s skin.

“Stars, Ren,” Hux breathed out heavily. Ren had to make sure he wasn’t actually touching Hux, because it sure sounded like Hux was being caressed.

“I haven’t laid a finger on you,” Kylo said in confusion as he watched Hux’s cheeks blossom red.

“You were _thinking_ about it.” Hux sounded so sure. Kylo tilted his head. Hux still had his eyes closed and his chest rose and fell with each breath he took.

“You’re not Force-sensitive. How would you know what I’m thinking?”

“It feels like a link. When you meditate, I get glimpses into your memories, nothing detailed, but it feels personal. The last few times, the link was severed when you opened your eyes.”

Kylo reached out a hand to Hux’s warm cheek. Hux opened his eyes to reveal his large pupils surrounded by rings of green.

“You’re not Force-sensitive,” Ren repeated in awe.

“My gratitude, for stating the obvious, Lord Ren,” Hux replied sarcastically. Kylo thought about kissing him to keep him from talking, his hands grasping Hux’s waist and pulling their bodies together. Hux bit his lower lip, muffling a soft noise of pleasure.

 _’You’re so pretty like this,’_ Kylo thought with a smile.

“Do _not_ call me _pretty_ ,” Hux sneered. Kylo felt a strong memory of Hux’s pulling at him, something about being called ‘pretty’ when he was younger. Kylo couldn’t see the details but got the general disgust for the term.

“Beautiful, then.”

Hux hummed, as if contemplating if that was okay.

“Lovely. Dashing. Handsome.”

’Yes!’ Hux’s mind eagerly responded to ‘handsome.’ Handsome, it was, Ren thought.

’Mine.’ Ren rushed forward to taste Hux’s lips. Hux closed his eyes as he gave in. He soon tasted Ren’s tongue on his own. Kylo placed his hands on Hux’s waist, the one place he knew Hux was okay with him touching.

They kissed for what seemed like a while without going further. Hux kept his hands up towards Kylo’s face and Ren kept his hands towards Hux’s waist, enjoying the soft, warm skin under his fingertips.

Hux was getting delirious on his own arousal. Ren’s thoughts only made things worse. He felt overwhelmed with sensation and lightheaded from lust. His shirt was beginning to chafe his chest, sensitive from all the time he had spent binding lately.

Self-consciously, he broke off the kiss to pull the light fabric over his head with only a moment of hesitation. The admiration he felt from Kylo made him blush. He didn’t stare, like Hux thought he would. Even still, he resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest.

Kylo raised his hand to Hux’s neck, cupping his cheek gently, and pulled him into a softer kiss. His other hand pulled Hux a little closer by his waist. His hand slid up, making Hux’s pulse jump nervously. Ren’s hand moved to Hux’s back, holding him tightly against Ren’s body.

 _’He’s so soft. My handsome Emperor,’_ Hux heard Kylo thinking in adoration. Kylo broke off from a quick kiss to press his full lips along his jawline and neck. Hux shuddered from the sensation.

 _’All mine. Mine.’_ Kylo sounded completely possessive. Hux grabbed Kylo’s chin with his palm against his neck. He forced Kylo’s brown eyes to meet his own green eyes.

 _’You are_ mine. _I am_ not _yours.’_ Hux watched Ren come undone at these words echoing into his head.

 _’Yours,’_ Kylo Ren bowed his head respectfully. His breathing was erratic and his face was just as flushed as Hux’s when Vashta brought Ren’s face back up to his. He gently pushed a strand of black hair behind Ren’s abnormally large, dare he say adorable, ear, a soft praise that had Kylo wanting more.

Hux could sense the link between them fading. The sensations coming from Kylo were now dull and muted, soon to be nonexistent. He was almost saddened by the loss, like something was missing in him.

That encouraged him to pull at Kylo’s clothing, hoping the skin on skin contact would satisfy the need to be closer to him. It didn’t hurt having Kylo mouth on his own and his firm hold on his back.

Kylo’s pelvis pressing up against him brought the unfamiliar pressure against Hux’s hip to attention. Hux shifted his hand down between their bodies to rub the front of his leggings. Kylo’s hips pushed up against Hux’s hand. Hux used his other hand to grab one of Kylo’s wrists to guide his hand to Hux’s groin, to his packer.

Kylo barely broke off the kiss to say, “Oh!” He was back on Hux’s lips with a renewed fervor. Hux felt Kylo’s hand as if he were actually touching skin rather than some cheap imitation. With a quiet moan, he bit Kylo’s lower lip until he could taste blood.

“You don’t have to try so hard. It’s not—I’m not going to get hard,” Hux decided to tell Kylo after seeing a flash of disappointment cross his face.

“It’s okay.” Kylo, after a last groping squeeze, moved his hand back to Hux’s neck, accidentally brushing his chest. Hux stiffened but didn’t jump back. Having someone touch his chest only served as a reminder he wasn’t flat-chested, like he wanted, another failure. But Kylo didn’t pause, nor apologize, completely unaware he had done anything wrong. It relaxed Hux to know Kylo didn’t care, skin was skin, and right about then touching Hux’s skin was arousing him.

Kylo’s lips trailed along Hux’s jawline, along his neck, down from his shoulder, to the soft flesh of his chest, so slowly Hux barely noticed his lips against his chest until Kylo’s tongue brushed his nipple and his lips circled around the flesh surrounding it. Hux got as far as putting his fingers into Kylo’s hair to pull him off, but the image of Kylo’s pink tongue flicking his erect nipple stopped him. With a hand stroking his side gently, Hux relaxed into the touch.

He did eventually pull Kylo off before he could start on the other side. Kylo let himself be pushed onto his back while Hux pulled his legs around his waist and grinded up against his ass. Kylo reacted splendidly to the sensation of Hux’s packer against his clothed backside. Hux wanted nothing more than to take his cock out and fuck Kylo until he begged to come.

In the midst of the undulation of his hips, Hux winced at the appalling sensation of his breasts moving with each jolt of his body against Kylo. Before it turned him off completely, he paused to grab his binder from the dresses, Kylo’s scathing gaze on him the entire time. When Hux returned to his spot between Kylo’s thighs, he felt Kylo’s large palms running over the smooth black fabric with a slight catch on the First Order symbol on the left side of his chest.

“Better?” Kylo asked a hint of a smile. Hux nodded. “Good,” Kylo nodded his head once then pulled off his leggings and underwear. Hux still wasn’t sure if he wanted to do the same. He did allow Kylo to help him pull his shorts off. However, he grabbed Kylo’s wrist before he could pull his boxer briefs down. Kylo placed his hands on Hux’s sides reassuringly instead.

Hux pinned Kylo’s shoulders down to the bed. He pressed soft kisses around Kylo’s strong chest before taking his nipple between his teeth carefully. Kylo’s back arched off the bed with a pleased mewl. While Hux took to indulging Kylo with opposing gentle and sharp sensations to his chest, Hux discreetly removed his packer and slipped it under the pillow Kylo wasn’t laying on.

After that was done and Kylo was properly panting just from Hux’s tongue on his nipples, Hux decided to take Kylo’s cock into his mouth. The salty, somewhat bitter taste of pre-cum exploded on his tongue, forcing him to swallow the drops that landed on his tongue. Kylo groaned loudly, his body tense under Hux’s fingertips.

“Fuck,” Kylo groaned again. “No wonder they made you general.” Kylo had meant it as a joke, as the deep laugh that followed would suggest. Had it been a couple years ago, Hux would have been upset. Looking back on it now, he could laugh, too.

“Now I know why you wanted me made Emperor,” Hux joked back, his left hand stroking Kylo lazily.

“You’re really quite good at that for being a virgin,” Kylo commented. Hux kept stroking him but looked up with a confused look.

“I’m not a virgin? Where did you find that information?”

“I assumed. You don’t like people touching you. And you don’t have any memories of past lovers.”

Hux tightened his grip, bordering on too hard. Kylo cried out and brought himself up onto his elbows. After a long, slow lick up the length of Kylo’s cock, Hux murmured with a sneer, “I got a lot of practice while working towards my general rank.”

“I was only kidding,” Kylo’s hands gripped the sheets beneath him when Hux brought his tight grip back around Kylo’s cock.

“I wasn’t. Do you really think my superiors would have promoted someone so young otherwise? Are you that ignorant?”

“I—I thought you were good,” Kylo was having a hard time connecting his thoughts with his words with Hux’s strong grip. “Smart, strategic. _Force_ , Hux. You were a great general. You’ll be an even better emperor.”

Hux loosened his grip and took Kylo into his mouth again. He pushed Kylo’s large thighs down, a hand flat on the inside of either leg. Hux could feel the tense muscles under his fingertips. If he wanted to, Kylo could easily overpower him with the Force. With Kylo’s legs held open wider, Hux shifted his focus to his testicles and perineum.

As Hux watched Kylo become absolutely wrecked underneath him, he felt his own lower regions throbbing in response to Kylo’s reactions. After a particularly loud cry, he decided enough was enough.

Kylo’s body immediately relaxed when Hux stopped. His panting was loud over the sound of Hux’s shuffling to straddle his abdomen. The light brush of Kylo’s damp, feverish skin to the inside of Hux’s bare thighs made his eyes flutter closed for a second. It only encouraged Hux to pull Kylo’s hand from beside him to press up between his thighs. He used both hands to gently guide Kylo’s hand on how and where to stroke. Just from the light brushes of his own hand, he could feel the fabric was wet and sticky. He couldn’t find it in him to care right then. All he cared about was Kylo’s fingers rubbing his clitoris _right there_!

“This would be so much easier without the clothing, Hux,” Kylo murmured. His face was flushed and he couldn’t take his eyes off of Hux. Had Hux been in his right mind, he would have been self-conscious but all Kylo’s lustful gaze was managing was to turn him on more.

“Not everything is going to be easy, Ren,” Hux said in return, his hands pinning each shoulder down with his fingertips digging into the back of Kylo’s shoulders. His hips moved in a steady rhythm that Ren’s hands were countering in the most fantastic way. Ren’s other hand grasped Hux’s thigh and kept squeezing every once in a while.

“It’s fine, Vashta.”

“Sometimes, it isn’t about _you_ , Ren.” Hux bit his lip to keep his mouth closed as Ren’s palm slid down against him. His rhythm stuttered while a moan tumbled out of his mouth. “Isn’t it—Isn’t it enough?” Hux wanted to cry out from the pleasure of Ren’s hand. He’d never had someone else touch him pretty much anywhere. Despite Ren being clumsy, his fingers slipping down or too far to the side, his warm hand was still more pleasurable than his own hand. Hux didn’t want to think about or stop to inform Ren about his own insecurities, how exposed he felt at that moment, how the pleasure was waging war against his dysphoria and for once, winning. He wanted to cry at the sensation. It was too much, yet not enough. He wanted more. He wanted to stop. He wanted it to be easy, like Ren wanted. He wanted Ren’s skin on his own, everywhere, the soft and warm body enveloping him, protecting him from his own thoughts.

Hux’s hands shifted to the middle of Kylo’s chest. His fingertips still dug into the taut, warm skin underneath him. “Kriff, Ren, move,” Hux demanded with a slap to his forearm. It hurt to press his own fingers against himself. His left hand felt awkward and unable to do as he wanted. After some debate, he relented and crawled off Ren to remove his boxers. Kylo’s hand on his back was actually reassuring.

He returned to straddling Ren’s waist. He was further back this time. He could feel Ren’s erection against his rear and lower back, hot and heavy. With his legs as open as they were to accompany Ren’s waist, he felt exposed. He could feel his dysphoria beginning to win against pleasure.

Ren’s hands slid down Hux’s arms, paused at his waist to pull him forward a little, then slid down his thighs, his thumbs against the sensitive inside of Hux’s legs. Hux shivered, half from pleasure, half from being tickled. He waited patiently for Hux to reach out to pull his hand back to his crotch.

“Wow,” Kylo said before he could stop himself. Hux glanced down at him in question. “You’re really…” ‘Do not say _wet_ ,’ he thought to himself. “Aroused,” he settled on. Hux hadn’t seemed to notice his dilemma.

“Means you’re actually doing something—“ Hux moaned softly. “Right. Don’t…Don’t put your fingers in. Feels uncomfortable when you get close to…” he let the sentence drop in favor of a stifled groan.

“Sorry.” Kylo shifted so his fingers pressed up against the wet, engorged node. He could feel Hux’s slippery skin sliding against his fingers with every little shift. Hux covered Kylo’s hand to guide his fingers to hold him open with his index and third finger while his middle rubbed circles against Hux’s sensitive clitoris.

“Harder, Kylo. You’re not going to hurt me,” Hux insisted with a slight smile. Kylo found when he did as he was told, Hux couldn’t help but rock against Kylo’s fingers in cute, short thrusts of his hips. His legs opened further in hopes of giving Ren more access.

Ren leaned up, pressing their chests together and getting a quick taste of Hux’s salty skin. “I bet you would taste _fantastic_ ,” Ren murmured, his breath hot on Hux’s cheek and ear while he switched the pattern he was stroking Hux with.

This earned Kylo a tug on his hair and a loud moan, followed by a hot, sloppy kiss. “Is that a yes?” Kylo asked, grinning.

“Do you truly want to?” Hux kept his hold on Kylo’s hair tight.

“If you’ll allow me the honor.”

“Don’t sweet talk me.” Hux loosened his grip while pushing Kylo back down. He easily pushed himself further down on the bed until Hux’s thighs were on either side of his head. Ren put a hand on either side of his waist and glanced up to Hux’s flushed face with his eyes closed tight.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Ren’s voice was muffled by Hux’s body. Hux responded with a quick, tight nod. “I’ll stop if you ask me to,” Kylo wasn’t as sure about this with seeing how uncomfortable Hux looked. However, that went completely out of the viewport when Hux practically melted against Kylo’s tongue. Kylo could feel Hux’s throbbing against his tongue.

With each pass of his tongue, he enjoyed the sounds of Hux coming undone above him. Echoes of _’More!’_ were coming from Hux’s mind. Kylo closed his lips around the sensitive node and flicked his tongue against him quickly. Hux fell forward only to catch himself with one hand fisting the sheets and the other tangled in Kylo’s long locks. Kylo never expected Hux to be so vocal, all but _crying_. He pressed the tip of his tongue flat against Hux and stroked him firmly.

Kylo’s strong hands were the only thing stopping Hux’s thighs from closing around Kylo’s head. Hux’s ruined noises were causing Ren to feel as if his nerve-endings were aflame. He wanted to be touched but didn’t want to stop touching Hux to do so. Kylo wasn’t paying any attention to the mess they were making. His lips, chin, and nose felt sticky with Hux’s fluids and he could feel pre-cum dripping onto the spot just below his navel, a small pool already forming.

Hux didn’t have much warning before his first orgasm surged through him. Kylo, unbeknownst to Hux’s climax, kept going. Hux couldn’t find his voice to tell Kylo to stop. Instead, the broken moans of Kylo’s name only served as encouragement to the man beneath him. Before he knew it, Hux came for the second time that night. He was a sobbing mess after the second one, oversensitive and overwhelmed. He got off maybe once a week, twice or three times during the week of his injection. Never twice in one night.

And yet, Kylo kept going. Hux could only voice his distress through curses. His mind was too foggy to tell Kylo to stop. Kylo had finally relented and moved his hand to stroke himself, having started somewhere between Hux’s first and second orgasm. With quick, rough strokes, he brought himself to climax, painting Hux’s lower back with white droplets. Meanwhile, above him, Hux was getting off again on the sensation of Ren’s moans against his hypersensitive clitoris. After his third orgasm, he tugged Kylo’s hair hard, away from him, while he pulled his leg over Kylo, rolling away from the offending mouth.

He made it about as far as his side, where he curled up on himself. He heard Kylo get up followed by his footsteps padding towards the refresher to clean himself off. Hux figured he better do the same since he could feel the wet, uncomfortable stickiness even on his thighs. Whether it was Kylo’s saliva or his own functions, he wasn’t entirely certain. 

His limbs felt heavy and unresponsive, so he decided to lay on his side until he could move freely.

Hux opened his eyes when he heard Kylo padding back. He stopped in front of Hux with a clean, folded cloth and a clean pair of boxers. Hux managed to raise his arm to reach out for the cloth. Kylo began to turn away as Hux spread his legs to clean himself off.

“Now you’re going to be shy?” Hux asked, his throat feeling dry and his voice cracking.

“I—Was that okay?”

“Yes.” Hux grimaced and held back a cry as the rough cloth passed over the tender flesh. Kylo looked somewhat concerned but kept his gaze towards the ceiling. Hux wanted to cry after just a couple more passes with the cloth. He had never been so sore, not since he first started testosterone and his libido went through the roof.

“I didn’t…hurt you, did I?” Kylo held out Hux’s underwear, still averting his eyes.

“No. Just not used to consecutive climaxes.” Hux took the clothing and pushed himself into a sitting position. It took some effort but he got his legs to cooperate and slipped into the underwear.

“Oh. I didn’t realize you had…” Kylo mumbled.

“I’m just gonna lie down,” Hux murmured before curling up to his pillow and letting his body relax.

“Should you be wearing your binder? To sleep in, I mean.”

Hux brought his right thumb up between his teeth and lazily thrust it forward with a half-hearted sneer. Kylo got the gist of the gesture. He, then, nuzzled further into his pillow. “After months of sleeping in it _because of you_ , I do _not_ need you to _mother_ me.”

"I didn’t know,” Kylo insisted sheepishly. Despite his concern, he let it go and crawled into bed behind Hux, closing him into a rather tight embrace. In his post-coital bliss, he allowed a soft sigh from his lips as Kylo pressed a soft kiss to the back of Hux’s neck.


	19. Chapter 19

Kylo was still lying in bed when Hux was exited the refresher the next morning. Hux only had his boxers and binder on while he started digging through the top drawer. He heard Kylo shift, rolling onto his stomach and felt a heavy hand on his lower back.

“Hey, Kylo, have you seen my packer?”

“Your…what?” Kylo’s voice was muffled by the pillow in his face. “Wait.” Kylo shifted with an exaggerated groan. He dug around under the other pillow before pulling his hand out with the silicone imitation of a cock. His cheeks reddened slightly as he got a closer look at it before Hux grabbed it out of his hand.

It took Hux only a couple seconds to shove the packer into place before his face, too, began to grow hot under Kylo’s scrutiny.

Kylo turned back over with another loud groan. “It’s too early to be turning me on this much,” he moaned into a pillow. With a chuckle, Hux felt himself relaxing. Had Hux had more time before he was due on shift, he would have given in to Kylo and his whining. However, his shift _and_ the fact he was still exhausted from the previous night kept him from reaching out.

“Maybe later.” Hux began dressing while Kylo seemed to settle back into dreamland.

“By the by, you did taste fantastic,” Kylo’s soft voice made Hux jump after he had pulled on his greatcoat. 

“I’m glad?” Hux murmured somewhere between awkward embarrassment and his usual confident-laden tone.

Kylo chuckled quietly. “You know, you’re no longer a general. You really don’t have to wear your uniform.”

“What else would I wear, Ren? I can’t exactly work in the one pair of civvies I have.”

“Take next week off. Your men can manage without you, as they’ve shown before.”

“What about your Knights of Ren? Surely they will notice your absence.”

Kylo pushed himself up into a sitting position. “I think they have accepted they aren’t helping me. Their presence here is comforting—“

“To only you.”

Kylo nodded. “But I believe they all understand as much as they want to help, there are many other useful things they could be doing. They’ve decided to leave next day cycle, to begin…persuading those planets who are somewhat unsure of where their loyalties lie.”

Hux nodded and glanced at his chronometer to see he needed to leave. Hux brought his gloved hand up to Kylo’s cheek, touched him gently, and promised, “We’ll talk about it later.” Hux pressed a kiss to his forehead. Kylo tugged him back to kiss his lips.

The day shift went on as usual. Those around Hux either addressed him as General Hux with a stutter as they corrected to Emperor Hux, or just saluted respectfully. No one outwardly showed aggression and Hux generally felt as though most of his workers accepted his leadership almost as easily as they had Snoke’s. A few conversations overheard proved this to be true. Many of the officers felt more comfortable knowing the figurehead at the helm of the Order. Being able to put a face to their leader made them feel more comfortable and sure about their goals. Many of the workers felt assured Hux would not only strive for the best of the Order, but push those underneath him to do the best job they could.

They were just unsure of how Kylo and his “eerie” Knights fit into the equation. Hux had already heard several rumors about Kylo spending nights in Hux’s room, how Kylo allowed a couple of his Knights to say in his room while he occupied the Emperor’s room. These rumors didn’t particularly bother him. It wasn’t necessarily his crew members’ business, he thought. He wouldn’t even address the gossip to confirm nor deny.

Kylo mostly kept to himself instead of walking the bridge since he had gotten back to the ship. The few that did have the unpleasant experience of seeing him usually claimed they were ill and spent the rest of the day in the medbay, something about “soulless, demented eyes.” Hux didn’t care, he could manage with the crew he had if a few were ill.

After a long meeting with his officers, it had been decided they would inform the First Order ships that acted as bases, similar to the _Finalizer_. Depending on their individual responses, Hux would proceed to inform planets with governing bodies that respond well to the Order’s control, followed immediately by the planets and territories the Order happened to be struggling to work with, before they got wind of the power shift from a secondary source. It would be a quick, hopefully painless transition. With the Knights providing a persuasive force among certain territories, Hux expected it to go smoothly.

He spent an hour conducting a proper speech that was respectful and humble. He hoped there would be no opposition from any of generals aboard these ships nor their crew members. A few officers offered to assist Hux. Vashta chose recently promoted Captain Mitaka. He was quiet and did as Hux commanded, no more, no less. Hux got the vibe from Dopheld that he would follow Hux to the ends of the galaxy if need be, as long as Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen. Hux couldn’t blame the guy.

“Good afternoon, General Hux,” the first commanding officer immediately greeted over the HoloNet Transceiver.

Hux bowed his head slightly. “Good evening,” he returned. “I am contacting you to inform you of recent events that have led to the demise of Supreme Leader Snoke.”

The officer on the other end stayed quiet as Hux retold the tale him and Kylo had decided on telling the crew of the _Finalizer_. No one had to know the exact details. 

“In attempts to replace Supreme Leader Snoke, Kylo Ren had been appointed the new Supreme Leader. However, it was under his judgment that he abdicated from this position to name General Hux Emperor of the First Order,” Captain Mitaka finished.

“Emperor?” the officer finally spoke up.

“Yes,” Hux nodded. “Kylo Ren has claimed it a will of the Force. Supposedly, without it, he claims the First Order will fall, similar to the old Empire.”

“And if we refuse?”

“If you question Lord Ren’s wish, surely you will find yourself on the opposite end of an invincible Force.” Hux had accepted that the Knights of Ren may have some use, especially as a threat to those who didn’t fall into line as easily as Hux had hoped.

“As to be expected.” The officer nodded in understanding. It didn’t appear as if he wanted to rebel, but it didn’t seem as though he was thrilled about the idea of Hux in charge. As Hux continued contacting their bases, this seemed to be the general consensus. No one outwardly opposed him, however.

After he had contacted all nine base ships, he decided to call it the end of his shift. It was close to 2000 hours when he finally got back to his room. He just wanted to change out of his uniform and go to sleep, but message after message kept popping up on his datapad.

He only took a couple minutes to dress down to his undershirt and shorts, finally free of his binder for the night. Kylo didn’t come back until 2300 hours, much later than he usually got in. Hux was still sitting at his desk answering question after comment after question that came in from all nine base ships across the galaxy. He was so involved his response; he didn’t hear Kylo enter. Kylo’s large warm hands on his shoulders made him jump about a meter into the air.

“I heard you started spreading the news,” Kylo said softly while he ran his hands up and down Hux’s arms.

“Yes. It seemed it was somewhat well-received.”

“Somewhat?”

“When threatened, no one had the desire to rebel.”

“Yet you’ve been here for hours on end, working.”

“As you said, I have a lot of work ahead of me.”

“Why don’t you take a small break with me?”

“Ren, I’m not in a giving mood right now.” Hux rubbed his face quickly between typing and swiping from page to page. Kylo slid his arms around Hux’s neck loosely.

“Not for sex. Just to take a break.”

“What did you have in mind to relax then? If I stop completely, I’ll fall asleep,” Hux admitted reluctantly.

“Take a bath with me.”

“We can’t.” Hux found his will slipping already, as if Ren was playing one of his mind tricks on him.

“We can. A general is able to use their ration of water. Knowing you, you haven’t used any since being stationed here.”

“You might be surprised.” Or not. Kylo had been spot on, Hux just refused to let him believe so.

“Don’t make me Force you.” Kylo ran his hand along Hux’s cheek. His defiance disappeared completely but Ren’s abilities had nothing to do with it. He let himself be led into the refresher they now shared.

“I don’t think I’m too comfortable…” Hux glanced at Ren undressing. Ren brought his hand to Hux’s face again.

“You’re handsome, Hux.” Kylo’s eyes met Hux’s gaze without wavering.

“Stop being so nice.” Hux pushed Kylo away but pulled at his clothing. Kylo used the sonic shower to remove the sweat he had worked up throughout the day. Hux began filling the basin with steaming hot water. When Ren was done, they switched positions. By the time Hux had finished, Ren had shut the water off and was waiting for Hux to step in first.

The water burned in the best way. It had been at least a year since Hux had felt water on his skin, be it rain or a shower. He didn’t have any complaints. His childhood was filled with memories of being soaked to the bone with chilled rainwater. He had gotten used to the bone-deep freeze he constantly felt on Arkanis. This water would have been more than warm enough to relieve that chill, at least temporarily.

Ren slid in behind him, a leg on either side. Kylo pulled Hux towards him until his back was pressed against Kylo’s chest. He pressed a kiss to the back of Hux’s neck, his nose nuzzled up against Hux’s fiery hair. He ran his hands from Hux’s shoulders down to his hands, then crossed Hux’s arms over his own stomach. Vashta laid his head back against Ren’s shoulder while Ren brought handfuls of water up against his upper abdomen, just below his breasts.

Vashta reveled in the sensation of hot water running down his torso, so much that when Ren lowered them more into the basin and began drawing water up to his chest, Vashta actually enjoyed the warm streams running over his skin, over his chest. Kylo brought his hands up to Hux’s shoulders again, dripping water down his upper arms.

“You said your Knights were leaving at the beginning of the next day shift?” Hux brought up after some quiet time.

Ren’s cheek rubbed against the top of Hux’s head as he nodded. “Yes. They’re expecting rebellion from a handful of planets once news reaches them. It’ll be easier to quell such attitudes if they’ve embedded themselves into the system.”

“They’re still uneasy about leaving you in such a state.”

“They believe they left me in capable hands.” Kylo covered Hux’s hands with his own under the surface of the clear water.

“Why do you wish me to take all next week off?”

“Answering to everyone’s beck and call for the remainder of this week is going to exhaust you. I, also, think we should replace your old uniform with something more fitting. Although, there isn’t anyone enforcing a strict uniform policy anymore.”

“I’ve been wearing uniforms for as long as I can remember. It’s more of a comfort now than anything.”

“There’s also other business we should attend to.”

“Very detailed,” Hux murmured with a sarcastic bite.

“It’s confidential.”

“Confidential to whom?”

“Just you and just for the time being. You’ll have to trust me.”

“I think we’ve already established how much we trust each other.” Hux pulled his hands, still covered by Kylo’s larger hands, above the surface. He got a closer look at the hands of his Knight, of his lover. Both hands were lightly calloused and the skin was somewhat rough, especially compared with Hux’s softer hands. Looking at the differences, it was clear which man spent his life behind maps and strategies and which man had spent his life training and fighting. The weathered hands that held Hux’s were gentler than he could have ever imagined. It should have made Hux feel fragile or delicate but Ren didn’t. He gave him the strength he needed to keep fighting, a promise that they would persevere.

Hux realized he trusted Kylo with his life. He trusted him with his body, something he had never even thought would happen. He certainly hadn’t trusted Ren before. He would never have shared his bed when Ren first arrived on the _Finalizer_. Hux would have feared Ren would murder him in his sleep. Hell, Hux thought, he still could, especially with that shadow running rampant inside of him.

Kylo wasn’t so sure he trusted Hux or if he just believed in the future Hux would attain. He absolutely cared for his Emperor beyond being his leader. He would give his life for Hux, he realized. Since the first night Hux cared for him in a way no one else had, he felt the shift. He never truly hated Hux. Certainly had a competitive nature to him, but never genuinely loathed the man. But the more time he spent with Hux, the more he learned about his Emperor, he realized he held affections that he never thought he would.

Snoke had been different, purely a relationship of master and apprentice. Kylo would learn from him but there would be no emotion behind it on either side. With Hux, it felt at times, that they shared a bond between them, one that was supposed to make both of the men stronger. Kylo had seen the extent of it in his visions, but he was just beginning to feel the effects. It was so much different to experience it rather than just see the bond between them. Every moment Kylo spent with Hux, he could feel it getting stronger. He had to wonder if Hux felt it, too.

With Hux’s body against his own in the warm water of the basin, Kylo watched the smile tug at Hux’s lips. He was happy, Kylo noticed. He looked and felt relaxed in Kylo’s embrace. It was moments like these that made Kylo flush with an unfamiliar emotion, one that he would eventually name as ‘love.’ At the time, though, he believed it just to be affection and admiration for his Emperor.

Kylo ran his hands along Hux’s warm skin. He kept to the areas he knew Hux would be comfortable with, but did brush against the sides of his chest, under his arms. When he wrapped his arms around Hux, below his chest area, he could feel the softer breast tissue against his forearms. Hux hadn’t even jumped, nor did he show any hint that he noticed. Then again, Kylo didn’t bring it to attention either. It was just skin, Hux’s skin, like any other part of his rather gorgeous body, Kylo thought.

Kylo never would have condoned Hux’s desire for body mutilation had he not experienced how painful Hux’s dysphoria could be first hand. He wanted to take that pain away from his Emperor, he just didn’t know how. Kylo knew Hux would never just accept his own body, he would always find some sort of fault, but here with Kylo, he looked at peace, even if it was temporary.

With a kiss to his cheek, Ren tightened his hold on Hux and whispered, “You are so handsome.” Hux’s smile just got brighter. It was so abnormally soft and sweet between them. Kylo almost couldn’t believe Hux didn’t hide behind a sarcastic comment in that moment. He allowed himself to be held and complimented; he even looked as though he enjoyed it!

“Lay back,” Kylo helped to push Hux’s hips forward so he could lean his head back into the warm water. Kylo carded his fingers through the red strands against his chest. Hux kept himself balanced with his arms on Kylo’s thighs. He allowed himself to relax into Ren’s petting.

As relaxed as Vashta was, he couldn’t help thinking about all that needed to be done. The next day shift would be filled with him contacting planets and governments. He thought about contacting General Organa first, before any other plants with questioning alliances would beat him to it. Perhaps that would be best. He really didn’t need the Resistance thinking the Order was weak from the loss. If the Resistance believed the transition had happened smoothly, they wouldn’t be too eager to jump at the chance to attack. It would buy Hux some time to get things in order.

He also wasn’t sure how to approach General Organa personally. He hadn’t thought much about it, but in that moment, he realized Kylo had already murdered one of his parents. He probably wouldn’t be up to finishing the job for Hux. This wasn’t something he’d ask of Ren, of course. But the relationship was there between them and he wasn’t sure how Organa would take to Ren being under the command of yet another man, this time, not Force-sensitive. She definitely wouldn’t react well to the title of Emperor.

He was tempted to inform her of their relationship. It would be easy to slip into conversation. ‘My lover, Kylo Ren, with his Knights are working tirelessly to persuade the troubling territories.’ He thought about how she would respond. Surely she still cared about her son and his wellbeing. She definitely wouldn’t be happy to discover her son in bed with Vashta Hux of all people. Then again, perhaps she’d lost hope of saving her boy and the news wouldn’t shake her. Hux wasn’t sure if he was ready to take that chance, to expose that secret just yet.

“You shouldn’t be thinking of work,” Kylo murmured as he rubbed his index fingers in small circles on Hux’s temples.

“Do you remember anything of your mother?” Hux asked curiously. It wasn’t a topic Ren would easily talk about, he understood. If Ren shot it down, he wouldn’t bother him about it, but it was worth a try, he figured.

“Yeah. I didn’t really ‘defect’ until my late teens, I still remember her.”

“Would it shake her if our relationship is revealed?”

“You’re thinking about telling her, telling her what? That you occasionally have sex with me?”

“I was going to use the term ‘lover,’ but yes, I suppose so. I’m sure it will become known to the public rather quickly anyways.”

“You think that will upset her enough not to take action right away or cause her to do something unwise and rash?”

“That is what I was hoping for, yes.”

“She might. I don’t know for sure.”

“Would it bother you if I did tell her?” Vashta tilted his head back to glance at Kylo’s reaction. He seemed to think about it for a second before meeting Hux’s eyes.

“No. It wouldn’t. I’m not her son anymore. I honestly do not care what she would think.”

“Then do you think I should?”

“If you feel it’s best.” Kylo kept running his fingers through Hux’s hair.

“I think I will, lover.”

“That is such an ambiguous term.”

“We have such an ambiguous relationship,” Kylo pointed out.

“It’s not as if we could simply court each other.” Hux glared up at Kylo after he snorted loudly. “How else do you put a relationship based on a Force-vision?”

“Is it really based solely on that vision?” Kylo actually sounded disheartened. It threw Hux for a second. “Surely it started before?”

“Started, sure. But did either one of us accept it until _after_ you had that vision?”

“I suppose not. But that doesn’t mean it was based only on a vision.”

“Why is this upsetting you so much? What difference would it make whether it was a vision or something else? Are you afraid the feelings are any less true?”

Kylo stayed quiet, thinking it over. “So you’re saying you actually do have feelings for me.”

After a long, exasperated sigh, Hux responded, “Yes, Kylo. Shockingly, after caring for you and spending so much time with you, I have developed a rather strong emotional response to your presence. It is most unfortunate.”

“I didn’t think you had it in you, Vashta.”

“Didn’t think I’d be stuck watching over such a chaotic, unpredictable, unstable man-child either.” Hux glanced up to see Kylo’s pout. He sat up and turned to face Kylo so he could press a soft kiss to his lips.

“I care about you, too, Vashta,” Ren murmured with a half-smile.

“I know.” Hux patted his cheek gently, causing water drops to fall down and off his jaw. “Unfortunately, I’ve wasted enough time indulging in your desire for attention. I need to get back to work.” He turned his back to Ren before he stepped out and grabbed a towel from the nearby cabinet to quickly dry himself off with.

“Shall I accompany you tomorrow? It might do well to have your Knight by your side.”

“My Knight?” Hux chuckled. “You just want to see General Organa’s reaction,” Hux accused. The silence that followed didn’t help to deny that fact. “If you have nothing better to do, I will inform Mitaka I won’t require his presence tomorrow.”

“You were using _Mitaka_ for a more fearsome intimidation?” Ren snorted. Hux didn’t dignify himself with a response while he dressed in a clean pair of shorts and undershirt.

“He doesn’t talk so much, doesn’t ask questions, and he’s obedient.”

“So, he’s your dog?”

“No, love, that’s you.” Hux made sure to pat Kylo’s head as he walked by. Kylo just glared. “Anyways, I trust Captain Mitaka more so than any other officer in my ranks.”

“You just don’t like the new guys yet.”

Hux shrugged slightly. “I suppose that’s somewhat true. We’ll see how competent they are, then I’ll decide if I like them. Then again, I still _like_ you, clearly competency has no bearing on that.” Hux truly did enjoy teasing Ren. He couldn’t exactly hold the fits of rage over Kylo since the only rage of fit he’d had in months resulted in saving Hux’s life. Also, on some level, he’d personally felt that rage that Kylo always had to push down. Vashta found it rather astonishing there hadn’t been more fits.

“Now that’s just hurtful.” Kylo went back to pouting.

“I was being too nice to you. Had to remind you. I’m not a nice person.” Hux carded his fingers through Kylo’s dry hair and his pout faded into contentment. Hux decided to take his leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't love some fluffy bath times? This wasn't exactly where I thought this story would be going, but at least it's moving? I guess?


	20. Chapter 20

The next day started early. Ren had complained about having to be up at 0600 hours, but after Hux got some caf into him, he was more manageable. Hux was surprised he didn’t pull any childish stunt to get out of accompanying Hux. Truthfully, he had expected to require Mitaka’s company instead. He was grateful, however, that that wasn’t the case. He wasn’t sure how he was going to brief Mitaka on his plan to shake the Republic’s general.

Hux went through his routine of getting dressed, downing a cup of caf, checking the bridge, then checked his datapad as he walked to the conference room he had used the prior day shift. Kylo followed silently until Hux spoke. “Your Knights have left, haven’t they?”

“Yes.”

“Everyone seems calmer and less terrified.”

Ren chuckled. “Yes, I’ve detected that.”

“Have you been using mind tricks on my crew?” Hux hadn’t thought to ask before now.

“No. Most people throw off strong emotions that I can detect just by being in close proximity to them. Just simple feelings, really. Fear is definitely one of those base, easy to detect emotions. Happiness is the same, when it’s strong. It usually isn’t here, but a sense of victory makes up for it.”

“Do you do that with me?”

“Kind of. It’s more…intense with you,” Ren replied honestly. He didn’t think now was the time to go into explaining a Force-bond to Hux nor did he think it was the time to inform him one was developing between them. Ren found that evident when Hux had gotten into his mind without his facilitation. It was temporary, but it would only get worse with each hour they spent together. Ren had foreseen this, so it didn’t surprise him much, but he didn’t expect to feel so…attached to another being like this. Once again, he had foretold the result, but not the emotions behind it.

If Ren had guessed correctly, the bond started forming the first time he had taken refuge in Hux’s mind and had only gotten stronger each time he did so. He only knew of rumors of such a connection, but he was sure the only way to break it now would be to leave Hux and never return. The thought made him sick to his stomach for more than one reason. He, also, knew if he allowed this bond to form completely, only death would break it.

“Does it distract you?” Hux continued.

“No. I’ve dealt with this unfortunate situation since I was young. As much as I dislike being so empathetic, it has come in handy on several occasions.”

“Yes, I suppose it would.” Hux returned to checking his datapad until they arrived at the room.

Most governing bodies had no problem accepting Hux as their new leader. Many hadn’t even flinched at the term ‘Emperor.’ Hux was truly surprised at the lack of trouble he was receiving. It took quite a few hours, informing each planet and territory separately, but it gave them the individual attention they may have needed. It showed Hux cared about each place individually and encouraged loyalty.

Kylo stayed mostly quiet during these exchanges. He hadn’t really moved much either. It wasn’t until Hux announced he was making the last call now that he lifted his head.

Hux was somewhat surprised when he was put through directly to the general. Almost immediately, she greeted Hux with his former title.

“General Organa,” Hux replied. “I do hope the news of the Order’s previous leader hasn’t reached you yet.”

“No, I’m afraid it has not.”

“Yes, it was quite unfortunate. I was personally present to witness Kylo Ren’s actions against the Supreme Leader.”

“Kylo Ren assassinated your leader?” She seemed to be trying to maintain a neutral tone. Hux could see the effort it was taking.

“Yes. It was also Kylo Ren who had made the decision to name myself as Emperor of the First Order.”

“I see. Why tell us at all?”

“I wanted to be sure you were aware that despite the Supreme Leader’s untimely downfall, the Order is anything but vulnerable. Our allies have already been informed and are supportive of the leadership change. Of course, some required some…encouragement before becoming complacent. It is quite useful to have a lover so feared around the galaxy.” Hux let the corners of his mouth lift slightly, not quite a smile, not quite a smirk.

“I suppose it would be.”

“I can assure you, Lord Ren is in fine hands,” Hux couldn’t stop the smirk from appearing but quickly forced it away.

“General Hux—“

“Emperor Hux,” Vashta was quick to correct.

“Hux. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but your relationship with Kylo Ren is of no significance to me. If you’re merely using him for power, I’m sure you will see the same end as your previous leader.” General Organa could see Kylo Ren next to Hux, he was sure of it. However, Kylo hadn’t said a word this entire time. He seemed to be studying the situation intently.

“You’re absolutely correct. I don’t claim to be Kylo Ren’s teacher. My knowledge of his Force abilities is lacking.”

“I doubt you contacted us to inform us of your relationship with Kylo Ren. If that is all, I have much to oversee.”

“Of course, General.”

The moment the link went dark, Kylo became rather garrulous. “She feels as though she has lost her son all over again.”

“Good.”

“I suppose so. She’s hurt. If that was your intention, you’ve managed it. She also doesn’t understand if I’ve killed the Supreme Leader, why am I not considered a traitor? Why have I not gone back to the Republic? She fears for Ben’s safety with you,” Kylo snorted again. It was a rather unattractive noise, but it made Hux smile.

“She fears you cannot handle yourself with me?”

“She may just be afraid of you hurting me in some way. It feels like a motherly type of concern. She also misses Ben.”

“You were able to detect all of that from merely a hologram image?”

“That and the connection I still share with her. She was…surprised. It made her expressions and emotions easier to read.”

“Does she have hope that you’ll return?”

“Yes, even more so now with the threat of the Supreme Leader over my head gone. She wants to believe Ben will return to her.”

“And is that a possibility?” Hux kept his tone calculated and emotionless.

“The only way Ben could return to her would be in the form of a corpse.”

Hux nodded, set his datapad down, and reached over to pull Kylo closer for a passionate kiss. ‘Good, you’re mine,’ it had implied. “I don’t like sharing my toys.” Hux stepped back to retrieve his datapad as he made his way back to the bridge for the remainder of the afternoon shift. He hadn’t expected any retaliation from the Republic, but it was good to be prepared.

It wasn’t until much later that Hux met back up with Kylo in his room. Kylo was already curled up on his bed under the covers.

“You’d think now that your Knights are gone, you’d go back to sleeping in your room,” Hux joked.

“You’d miss me.” Kylo turned to glance at Hux’s back as he changed out of his binder. From behind, he looked lithe, lean, but masculine. He didn’t have the curves Ren had noticed on Phasma while she was training. He stood as any other man would. Kylo would never have noticed any different, he didn’t notice any difference, even as Hux turned to face him, having had a weird sense that there were eyes on him.

“What?” Hux murmured, pulling the t-shirt on over his head.

“What?” Kylo repeated, moving his gaze up to Hux’s face.

“You’re looking at me,” Hux crossed his arms over his chest in a moment of self-consciousness.

“Lots of people look at you.” Kylo could see it was bothering Hux, but he found some amusement in teasing him.

“You’re different. You’re…staring. It’s unpleasant.”

“You’re handsome. Why wouldn’t I look?” Kylo tilted his head with a slight smirk. “Did you inform Mitaka you’d be gone all next week?”

“Yes,” Hux said reluctantly as he grabbed his datapad and climbed into bed next to Ren.

“Good.” Kylo took the pad from him and snuck in a kiss.

“You’re still not telling me where we’re going, are you?”

“No.” Kylo handed the datapad back to him. “You did good today.”

“I don’t need your praise, Ren.”

“I know.” He somehow managed to get under Hux’s arm with his head on Hux’s chest. Vashta merely rolled his eyes and got comfortable with Ren clinging to his side.

“Is this what you’re going to do every night from now on?”

“Perhaps. Would it bother you?”

“It would have, before. But I guess I’ve grown used to it.” Hux reached over into his drawer to grab his glasses. “You’re actually really warm.”

“You’re usually cold.”

“I am not cold. My body temperature is just fine.”

Ren ran his hand along Hux’s side with a hint of a smile. “Must be that cold heart of yours.” That cold heart that Ren could hear and feel beating against the side of his face. The strong, steady heart beat that promised another day, another month, a future.

With a sharp exhale, Hux slid his fingers through Ren’s black locks while he read a report on his datapad held with his other hand.

“Freezing,” Ren mumbled with a feigned shiver.

“You’re an ass.”

“Mhh,” Ren hummed as he held on tight to Hux.

 

The next week, Ren had a shuttle ready upon Hux waking up. Arrangements had been made for the week, but Hux had his datapad with him in case something happened. Ren had insisted otherwise, but Vashta wasn’t leaving without at least his datapad.

Ren easily typed in the coordinates as Hux settled into the copilot seat. Hux did have to admit, watching Ren flip switches, adjust dials, and levers as if it were second nature was rather impressive. He barely had to look.

“Should I ask who taught you how to fly?” Hux found himself asking.

“I’d rather you didn’t. I’m surprised you weren’t taught.”

“It wasn’t seen as necessary.”

Ren was quiet as he guided his command shuttle out of the hanger. It wasn’t until they were surrounded by the galaxy flying by at light speed did he speak again. “I could teach you. If you’d like.”

“I suppose, at a later time, when things have settled.”

“It’s methodical and calming. I think you’d enjoy it. How is your hand?” Kylo checked a few controls before turning his chair towards Hux and reaching out for his hand.

“Healing. Still another three weeks, I believe.”

Ren huffed softly. “I was sort of hoping for a repeat of our last trip.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint. Perhaps that’ll keep you from breaking my fingers next time.”

“It was either that or let Snoke return the blaster fire straight into your chest.” Ren tapped above Hux’s heart.

“Then don’t complain. You made your choice.”

“We could always do something else to pass the time.” Ren’s suggestion made him warm but unfortunately the nauseous twist in his stomach completely quelled any warmth.

“Why don’t you tell me what all these controls do?” Hux deflected. Ren got a subtle sense of _’Do not push’_ and backed away with a slight nod. Systematically, he went through each dial, lever, and switch. Hux listened without growing bored. Ren had a way of explaining things in a way that showed he knew what he was talking about, but he didn’t treat Hux as though he was an idiot. It surprised Vashta.

It took approximately four hours to get to what appeared to be an Outer Rim planet that hadn’t claimed alliance to either the First Order nor the Republic. It would be a location untouched by the politics of either side and a great place they could blend in quite easily.

“Why are we here?” Hux followed Kylo who seemed to know where he was going.

“Why, Vashta, I thought you’d never ask,” Kylo was smiling. That should have been the second hint that he had a scheme, the first being insisting on civilian clothing.

“Are you _skipping_?”

“No!” Ren’s dark locks of hair bounced with each step traitorously. His light eyes made him look even younger than he already did. If Hux hadn’t known any better, he would have thought Ren was actually in his early twenties, not just going on thirty. “You have the entire week, yes?”

“For the third time, yes. Why is that important?”

“Because it takes about a week to heal.”

“Heal? From what?”

Ren stopped walking and put a hand on either side of Hux’s arms while leaning in closer than Hux was comfortable with. “Surgery,” he said simply, as if that answered anything. “Okay, I know you said you didn’t go through with it because you didn’t have the time. But now you do. I made sure of it. I researched the surgeon and the risks. I know you feel uncomfortable and the binding hurts. This’ll fix it.”

Hux was, for the second time in his life, completely speechless. So, Ren continued speaking, much to Hux’s embarrassment.

“I didn’t want to ask any questions that may offend you, so I did some research on the holonet.” He cringed his nose. “There was some…distasteful sites. But for the most part, I found what I was looking for.”

Hux wanted to inform Kylo that the holonet wasn’t always accurate, that he didn’t have the same experience as every other transgender person, male or female, that if he really wanted to know answers to personal questions, he should have just asked Vashta, but he found he really didn’t want to upset Kylo. He looked accomplished and proud of himself, and while that slightly pissed him off, it did have an endearing quality. Ren had tried, he put forth an effort Hux hadn’t expected him to.

“What were you looking for, precisely?” Hux attempted to maintain an even voice.

“Stuff,” Kylo’s cheeks flushed slightly and he looked away from Hux’s face. “First off, I want you to know I do like the way you look now, that’s not to say I like females more than males, I—“

“I’m going to stop you right there. Any line of thought like that ends up disastrous.”

“But I also have seen how dysphoric your own body can make you. I wanted to help.”

“So, you thought to force me to accompany you to an unaligned Outer Rim planet without telling me what you were doing, exactly?”

“Yes. You wouldn’t have agreed to it otherwise.”

“A binder works just as well.”

“Not when you leave it on to sleep, like you had for a month straight, was it?”

Hux felt his face heat up in anger. It hadn’t been his own fault for that, how could he have controlled what happened? “I wouldn’t have to do that again.”

“Who’s to say? You may end up captured at some point. Or stranded on a planet somewhere with no way of getting back to the _Finalizer_ for weeks. It’s been known to happen.”

“You should have let me do this on my own,” Hux said in a low voice.

“You wouldn’t have,” Kylo repeated. “You would have gotten caught up in your role as Emperor to the point of feeling as though you couldn’t leave for an extended period of time. Besides,” Kylo pulled Hux off to the side, away from many of the people in the dirt-covered street. “It’s just your chest.” Kylo ran both of his hands from the sides of Hux’s binder to the middle of his back, pulling him closer. “I’ll be able to touch you freely then.” With them pressed together, Kylo only had to lean slightly forward to catch Hux’s lips on his own in a soft kiss.

“I’ll consider it,” Hux broke the kiss to say. “On one condition.”

“Absolutely, Emperor.”

“You admit what you did was wrong. Actually there’s two conditions.”

“I understand why you would think what I did was wrong, but I would like you to consider where I’m coming from.”

Hux bit his tongue so hard he almost tasted blood. He took a deep, calming breath before speaking. He took both of his hands and slapped them against Ren’s cheeks to get him to look at Hux.

“I don’t care what you have to do, read my lips if that helps. My body, my say. With that in mind, I want you to think long and hard about your position in regards to _my_ body.” Hux had to take another deep, calming breath before continuing due to Ren giggling at ‘position.’ “You, as a cisgender male, do not, I repeat, _do not_ get to tell me what is good for me or what I need to do as if you _know_ that. You don’t. I am a grown _man_. Do not treat me as if I’m a child.

“It doesn’t matter where you’re coming from, Ren. That is my point. I think it’s _endearing_ , I suppose, that you went through the effort, but just. I happen to think it’s also highly offensive that you took it upon yourself without talking to me about my own body. Just because you happen to find yourself fortunate enough to be my lover, that does _not_ mean you get a say what happens to _my_ body.”

“You’re angry,” Kylo said in surprise.

“Yes! I’m furious!”

“But—“ Kylo looked disheartened. Hux couldn’t find it in him to care. This wasn’t about him.

“You are a cisgender man. You cannot presume to know what is best for me, a transgender man. Do you understand?”

Kylo nodded. Those large brown eyes looked as though they were tearing up. It wasn’t an uncommon look for Ren. “I was wrong. For that, I truly apologize,” Ren murmured. Hux moved his hands to Ren’s shoulders and smoothed out the wrinkled fabric there.

“That brings me to my second condition. Do not turn to the holonet for transgender matters, Ren,” Hux tried not to sound so disappointed in Ren. “Ask me. The more personal questions you have really can’t be answered accurately by someone else. I know myself best and I would love to inform you, too.”

“I don’t want to offend you,” Ren said in a small voice.

“And yet you managed to,” Hux patted his cheek gently. “Offend me, Ren. I would so much rather you did that than ask someone on the holonet that may or may not even be trans. As my lover, you should be informed,” Hux took to a softer tone. “Ask me the simple, silly things if you aren’t sure. This is a highly personal matter, so it should be between the two of us, not a stranger. There should be open communication between us. I can see, now, that it’s been lacking, and for that I apologize, but talk to _me_ from now on.”

Ren nodded again. “I will. Do you want to leave then? We can go back to the _Finalizer_ , or we can go somewhere else and enjoy your week off.”

“I think,” Hux looked over Ren’s shoulder at a brick wall nearby. “I think we should stay.” With a heavy sigh he mumbled, “You went through the effort, so I suppose it shouldn’t go to waste.” Hux was forced back a couple steps by Ren throwing his weight on him in the form of a hug.

“I really was trying to be helpful.” Ren buried his face into the crook of Hux’s neck while Hux toyed with a strand of Ren’s hair.

“I know you were trying, Ren. I do appreciate it, I just need you to understand where you went wrong.”

“I should have talked to you first,” Ren’s voice was muffled by Hux’s shirt and skin, but he managed to understand the man in his arms.

“That should have been the first thing you did.” Hux felt Ren attempt to nod.

“You’re doing it, though?”

“Yes.” After 25 years of dealing with binding, it was enjoyable to think he wouldn’t have to do it anymore. Kylo pushed himself off of Hux and began leading the way again. “What kind of other things did you…research?” Hux asked curiously.

“The other surgery—surgeries.” Hux enjoyed watching Ren squirm. He did admire his devotion, though. “Also that injection? That was testosterone, right? You don’t get all of those side-effects, do you?”

“No. That would be terrible. It’s not as bad as it was when I was younger. It only really gets bad when I have to up the dosage, but that’s not often.”

“If you had the chance to take the time off to do the other surgeries, would you do it?”

“I would have to think about it.”

“Either way—“

“You knew what you were in for the last time we were together.”

“I know. I want to say you’re handsome. No matter what.”

Hux gave him a curt nod. “Out of curiosity, were your past partners usually male or female?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been with several females and males. Each have their advantages.”

“Like what?” The clamor around them was loud enough to give them a sense of privacy to have this kind of conversation.

“I have different tastes, I suppose. It’s nice to, well, fuck someone occasionally but, as you’ve witnessed, I like to be fucked, too.”

“I’m not letting you penetrate me.”

“I didn’t figure you would, nor do I have the desire to. I tend to like my men on top.” Ren stepped up next to him and pressed a kiss to his already disheveled hair.

“I’m just saying you won’t get both just because I’m trans.”

“Didn’t expect to. What were your past partners like?”

“All men,” Hux mumbled. He was sure those weren’t the kind of partners Ren was referring to.

“Was I the first you let reciprocate?”

“Yes,” Vashta answered honestly.

“Was it because you didn’t believe they’d be accepting?”

Hux snorted. “My…partners weren’t interested in reciprocating. Truthfully, the only partners I’ve had were superiors looking to be blown in exchange for a promotion.”

“Oh.” Ren’s face and ears reddened. “That sounds awful.” Ren sounded uncharacteristically unsure of how else to respond. Hux merely shrugged.

“I did what I had to, Lord Ren. Not all of us were born with a special ability.”

“You were, though. I’ve never seen someone multitask like you do. You’re able to concentrate on several things and manage to do all of them perfectly.”

“We’re taught that as children. You do the same with flying.”

“I suppose so. It took me years to get it down as well as I have. I didn’t have the natural talent like…like Han did,” Ren choked on the last few words. Hux just nodded and quickly changed the topic.

“Besides, it doesn’t matter now. I’ve worked hard to get where I am today. I’m thankful you made the choice you did.”

“I really didn’t have much of a choice. Honestly, at the time, I was thinking more about myself than I was of you,” Ren’s slight smile made Hux think otherwise, that Ren was just teasing him. Still, it was nice to be as carefree as they were. “In here,” Ren guided Hux into a pristine white building that looked out of place on the dirt road they had been walking along.

It made Hux anxious to wait for the surgeon with Ren chattering away beside him. He avoided questions, probably due to how pale Hux appeared, but kept talking as if that would help. Once they were called behind the white doors with the sparkling silver handles, everything went so quickly. Before Hux knew it, he was on his back counting down from ten. He made it to about five before he lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kylo tries to be the helpful partner. While he may understand the dysphoria, he doesn't understand why Hux gets so offended. Hopefully that was written well enough, although I think I repeated myself a bit.  
> Honestly, I despise the idea of a cisgender male informing a transgender male about anything trans related (I know it happens occasionally, but it's just a weird personal thing of mine), which I was trying to portray in Hux's attitude here. He does give in eventually, because what else would they do with their week off?  
> Also, it takes longer to heal from chest reconstructive surgery, but 1. bacta is a wonderful tool from what I hear and 2. Hux would go back to work before he was ready if it came down to it. As a newbie Star Wars fan, I'm not entirely sure if bacta would work on Hux's broken fingers because it's not a flesh wound, but I suppose even if it would, he would deny using resources on such an insignificant wound.  
> Once again, I didn't expect this story to be dragged out this long or go into this much detail. As of right now, I don't think I'm going to have Hux go any further surgery-wise. That may change? I'm not making any promises.  
> Also, personal note, as a pre-op, non-passing transman, I truly hope I haven't offended anyone. If I missed any tags, please don't hesitate to tell me as this story continues.


	21. Chapter 21

Ren decided to explore for the couple hours Hux would be under. It felt great not to be recognized and saluted at every time he passed by someone. It was nice to be out of the watchful, tense eye of everyone in a First Order officer or Stormtrooper uniform. Hux had certainly given him something to think about.

He had felt Hux’s discomfort when he was younger. It was mostly his teens and early twenties that felt the most painful. Resignation had hit at about twenty-five. In his thirties now, there was a lot of pride from the victories he had in his lifetime, but there was still pain and dysphoria. Some nights were worse than others. Kylo personally couldn’t imagine a feeling that would make him want to modify his own body, but through Hux, he could understand it better.

Of course Hux would still be uncomfortable with his body, but hopefully this would help him even if it was just a fraction. Kylo would worry less if Hux didn’t have to bind anymore. He had done enough binding for a lifetime in the month they spent with Snoke and he almost didn’t want to know the damage it had caused.

Kylo had also gotten another idea from the research he had done, this time it was more for both of them than for Hux’s happiness. He wanted to bring it up with Hux, but he didn’t think their walk over was the time to do that. He would talk to him later, after he had gotten the gadgets. He’d do better this time and not upset Hux.

That was how he found himself outside the darkened vendor’s place of sex toys. He wasn’t particularly shy about sex, but he’d never needed to enter this kind of vendor. It somehow made his usually-private sex life public and that was what made him uncomfortably warm in the face area. They would both benefit from this, Kylo thought as he put one foot in front of the other.

He knew what he was looking for before he even stepped off the shuttle. Finding it would be the hard part, between many of the pieces that caught Kylo’s attention. That uncomfortable warmth in his face turned into a pleasant warm-under-the-collar feeling as he pictured Hux wearing any one of these pieces underneath his uniform.

Kylo picked the piece that was somewhat larger than the average length. When the non-human vendor clicked their approval, it only made Kylo flush darker in embarrassment.

After a quick trip back to the shuttle, where Kylo may or may not have gotten off on the idea of Hux’s tented uniform, he made his way back to the medical building. He didn’t have to wait long to find the room they put Hux in while he was still unconscious. He wasn’t out much longer after Ren pulled up a chair beside him.

“How are you doing, Vashta?” Ren waited for Hux’s bleary gaze to meet his before asking.

“Fine, I think.” It took a lot of effort not to laugh at the slurred voice to match the confused look Hux had. By the time the surgeon had returned to check on Hux, he was much more aware.

It would help him to heal to wear his binder for the rest of the week. Ren would also need to help Hux with the draining of the remaining tissue for the next couple of days. He should have been fine to do desk-work by the end of the week, and his healing progress would also need to be checked.

After Ren helped Hux dress, they made their way to a hotel-like building not far from the medical structure, where Hux collapsed on the single bed. By the time they had gotten dinner, not long after they arrived, the two suns were setting and enveloping the world in darkness and stars.

“How are you feeling?” Ren asked as he pushed food around his plate.

“It’s starting to hurt, but otherwise, fine.”

“I brought games and holovids. I didn’t figure we’d be going out much.”

“Well, aren’t you thoughtful.”

“I’m sure you don’t want to be wandering around this planet all week.”

“I can keep myself busy.”

“You’re also not doing hours upon hours of work on your week off.”

“It’s not much of a week off.”

“It’s better than working the entire week.”

 

The week went by slowly for both of them. Hux was healing much slower than he wanted but Ren, shockingly, seemed to have enough patience for the both of them. When Hux started getting anxious from being in the room too much, they went to explore their surroundings. There wasn’t much to explore, exactly, but the walking did them both good.

Immediately following the appointment at the end of the week to remove the sutures and draining tubes, they made their way back to the shuttle. After quick stop on another planet of Hux’s choosing where Kylo was told to stay put, they were on their way back to the _Finalizer_. He kept his binder on; the fabric of his uniform was too rough against the still-irritated skin. They arrived back early on in the day shift so Hux pushed himself to work through the day. Kylo made sure to check in on him to make sure he was keeping his word on just doing deskwork for the next week.

Hux came back to his quarters too exhausted to do anything other than strip and crawl into bed. His body was still using a lot of energy to heal itself. Kylo was perfectly capable of taking care of himself in that regard. When Hux would start snoring before Kylo could even get comfortable against his back, Ren knew not to push for any more than embracing him. 

The day he was able to pull his undershirt over his flat chest was the day Kylo saw the sun in Hux’s smile. He looked at his own reflection with the most brilliant, happy look. Kylo could almost physically feel his heart stutter at the image before him. He felt unusually warm, a slight ache in his chest, a feeling of happiness that felt suspiciously like the welcoming tug of the Light Side that he had somewhat come to embrace in the last couple weeks with Hux.

“You are so beautiful,” Ren said before he could stop himself. “You’re stunning, radiant, even.”

“I look so much better,” Hux gestured towards his chest. Ren shook his head and wrapped his arms around Hux’s waist. He lowered his chin onto Hux’s shoulder.

“It’s not that. It’s the smile. That’s what makes you look better.”

“Stop,” Hux said while he tried to stifle the smile. “It’s easier to make me cry towards the end of my T cycle.”

“Well, you, my dear emperor, look absolutely dashing.”

“I do, don’t I?” Hux’s response was the quick, hot kiss Kylo planted on him. “Have dinner with me tonight.”

“Who am I to decline that appealing offer?” Kylo couldn’t quite cut the sarcastic tone out of his voice completely, but he meant it. Hux merely kept smiling. Hux thought it was his imagination when he heard a soft _’I love you’_ in that ‘magic’ way Kylo was known for.

Throughout the day, Hux found himself concentrating on not breaking out in a smile. It felt nice to have the fabric of his undershirt against his bare chest instead of against the pressure of his binder. He remembered having a similar reaction when he got his first fabric binder at seventeen. The feeling had worn off years ago, but this new, excited thrill gave him a light feeling.

At different intervals during the day, Hux found a sharper warmth somewhere between his chest and head, in his very core, it seemed. There was no reason for it, but it felt so good, like it belonged. When he laid eyes on Kylo later in the day cycle, that loving warmth radiated just as it had several times earlier in the day. The discovery fell on him like a physical weight on his shoulders. That bond he shared with Kylo was more of a constant thing by then and at that moment, Kylo was feeling love for him; that was the good feeling Hux had felt before.

His face felt hot. He dropped his gaze and escaped back to his office. With some time away from Ren’s gaze, the feeling faded until it was the usual, unnoticeable part of his being.

That lasted for the few hours Hux had to himself in his office. Upon seeing his partner dressed down to civilian clothing waiting beside his desk made into a makeshift table.

“You moved all the work from my desk to do this?” Hux powered through the warm fog he felt to ask. “Where did you—?”

“They’re all organized, but I did have to put them on the floor over there,” Kylo pointed to the corner now cluttered with datapads. “I cooked for you.”

“That’s frightening.”

“Say that _after_ you’ve tried it.” Kylo pulled out the chair in front of him with a gesture for Hux to sit. 

“Where did you get the ingredients?”

“While you were sleeping sometime last week, I went out and got a few things. It’s not anything spectacular, but it’s better than the usual.”

“This isn’t your attempt to rid yourself of me so easily,” Hux tried teasing. The heat of Ren’s gaze and his love he was giving off in that bond they had was making him uncomfortable.

“No, why would I do that?”

Hux couldn’t think of a witty comeback fast enough to start their bantering so he just hung up his overcoat and took the seat in front of Ren. With a soft pat of his head, Kylo took the other seat.

“It’s actually good.”

“Stars, don’t sound so surprised, Hux.”

“How many pans did you destroy?” Hux was more than happy to prod at him.

“None.” Kylo wasn’t having it that night.

“I really wish you’d stop looking at me like that,” Hux mumbled into his plate in front of him.

“Like what?”

“Like, like nothing else matters. Like we’ve won already. We haven’t, not yet, Kylo.”

“No, not yet we haven’t, but we will.”

“Are you even aware of your own emotions?”

“Yes, Hux. I am.”

“Well, so am I, thanks to this supposed Force bond between us.”

“It can be overwhelming at times,” Kylo admitted.

“Do you always feel this strongly about those around you?”

“No, not usually. I didn’t realize it was bothering you so much.”

“Well, make it stop.”

Kylo snorted in an attempt to cut off a laugh. “I can’t just stop _feeling_ , Hux. Especially when it comes to you. Have you not cared for anyone else?”

“Not as much as you care about me. I was taught to repress any strong feelings.”

“I wasn’t. I was told to embrace the strength gained.”

“I realize. What strength do you gain from love?”

“Love?” Kylo grew quiet, as if he were thinking. “I don’t know yet.”

“You’ve never loved someone before?”

“No. Ben did, but he didn’t get anything but disappointment out of it.”

“But _you_ have never loved anyone?”

“No.”

“Well, this will be a whole new star system then.”

“It became a new star system when you, as a non-Force user, became bonded to me. That is something most unheard of. Stars, I hope it doesn’t kill you.”

“Is that a possibility?”

“Well…” Kylo drew it out, hoping to get a reaction out of Hux. “No, it shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t put more strain on your mind. If you’re able to meditate with me, the bond shouldn’t be much different. You just don’t need to focus on it for it to happen.”

“It’ll take some getting used to, coping with all those emotions of yours.”

“Yours are rather tame. I’ve always been sensitive to your emotions, but it’s more noticeable now. Even still, I can’t really distinguish yours from mine unless I really focus on it. Well, you spent the majority of your shift exuding happiness. That was…different.”

“I’ve gained a…newfound confidence, yes.”

“That you have,” Kylo nodded with a soft smile. It looked unnatural on his face, but gave him a younger look, most definitely. “It’s befitting of an emperor.”

Hux could feel the surge of warmth before Kylo leaned forward to catch Hux in a kiss. “If I start getting aroused every time you are, we’re going to have problems.”

“I mean,” Kylo backed away, looking slightly flustered. “That shouldn’t be a problem unless we’re actually doing something. Skin contact tends to increase the…sensation.”

“Informative.”

“If you would ever like a hands-on experience.” Kylo grinned.

“In time, I’m sure I’ll get that experience.”

“In _your own_ time,” Kylo reassured. They finished eating in quiet peace. Kylo half expected Hux to crawl into bed and immediately doze off. When he stepped into the refresher, Kylo began cleaning up the plates and utensils to return to the cafeteria. Kylo had plenty of time to get comfortable before Hux even came out of the ‘fresher.

Kylo had fallen into a calm, almost meditative state, when the light pressure of Hux’s lips on his own brought him back. Ren sat up with an arm around Hux.

“Wow,” Kylo murmured, his gaze barely leaving Hux’s lips. He shifted his hand to cover the back of Hux’s neck and pull him back down to meet him halfway. He had already shed his jacket and changed into a pair of cotton-soft black pants.

“Move over,” Hux said with a playful shove. Kylo scrambled onto his knees, letting Hux kneel on the bed in front of him. Hux pressed himself against Kylo, his lips and teeth nipping at Kylo’s tantalizing, exposed neck. As if that was the right button to press, Kylo slid his hands around Hux’s waist, down to his backside, and pulled him even closer before it dawned on him: There was something pressing into his hip.

“Are you _hard_ , Hux?”

“You’re arousing,” Hux said with a quiet chuckle. He pulled one of Kylo’s hands off his ass to guide it down between their bodies, where Kylo could feel Hux’s erection carefully held inconspicuously against his upper thigh.

“Oh please, please tell me you plan on fucking me with _that_.”

“If you ever get around to removing those layers of yours.” Hux wasn’t sure he had ever seen _anyone_ rip their shirt off as quickly as Ren had in that moment. He almost got an elbow to the face in Ren’s rush.

“May I?” Ren asked with unusual softness. His fingers played with the hem of Hux’s t-shirt while he waited for approval. With a quick nod, both his shirt and undershirt were pulled over his head with more care than Ren had taken with his own. The scars were still a bright red and the skin still felt unnatural, but the image of Ren’s mouth on his flat chest had Hux grasping Ren’s dark locks. It was a sight he would definitely save for later.

Hux could feel Kylo squeezing and rubbing the hard packer against his thigh and he had to admit, he was already feeling the warming effects of his own arousal. When it got to be painful, Hux was able to pull Kylo away.

“I wanna taste you,” Kylo murmured next to Hux’s ear.

“I don’t want—“ Hux began to argue.

“Let me specify. I want to taste your cock.”

“I…You know it’s not…”

“I don’t care. If you don’t want me to, I won’t. But I want to.”

“Fine,” Hux said with a nice flush across his face. He let himself be pushed onto his back. He watched from behind his arm Kylo’s long fingers pulling down the elastic waistband of his pants to reveal his tented boxers.

“Wow,” Kylo murmured again. Hux could barely watch Kylo lower that waistband too, just enough to reveal the packer but not much of the harness. The phantom touches of Kylo’s mouth on the piece paired with the erotic image of Ren taking as much as he could had Hux uncomfortably wet. If this was how Hux reacted at the end of his T cycle, he could only imagine what doing this kind of thing would do to him at the beginning of the cycle.

“Kriff, Hux,” Kylo removed his mouth but kept his hand stroking the packer now coated in his saliva. He pressed soft kisses to the inside of Hux’s thigh, just under where the leg of his boxers ended. Despite the slight tickle, Hux let him mark his fair skin. Ren’s light fingers slid under the leg of his boxers as he switched thighs. Once he was pleased with the pink bite marks, he kissed the skin just above Hux’s cock. “Do you want me to touch you here?” Kylo slid his fingers over the seam of the boxers between Hux’s legs.

Hux shook his head. “No, not now.” He was surprised to hear how breathless he was just from Kylo’s mouth. “You look so pretty from this angle,” Hux propped himself up on his elbows to look down at Kylo.

“You just think I look pretty sucking your cock. Your thoughts and feelings are loud.” Kylo slowly slid his full lips over the head of the packer, all for show for Hux. He felt the quick, short thrusts Hux’s hips were making. Just like every other guy Kylo had been with, he was trying to get deeper into his mouth. Kylo let off a loud moan around the cock between his lips. Pleasure exploded through the Force-bond from Hux’s hands on his shoulders. Oh, certainly, sensation was heightened in this situation. All Kylo could do was grab onto Hux’s forearm and hope he didn’t come before even removing his pants.

“Do you want to open me up, or should I?” Kylo asked after a few deep, settling breaths. He’d always been sensitive because of the Force, but this was beyond sensitive.

“I want to,” Hux replied while pushing himself up with shaky arms. Kylo shed the rest of his clothes then reached for the vial of oil he had put in the drawer of the table beside Hux’s bed. He was more than happy to bend over to present his ass to Hux who quickly set to work covering his newly healed fingers in oil and sunk two deep into Kylo.

Kylo pulled one of the two pillows over to rest his cheek against. Hux was gentle about it, waiting for Kylo to adjust then stroking his soft walls until he loosened up and allowed Hux to slip in a third finger. The sounds Kylo was making kept him hot and bothered. The way Kylo would move, the way he’d push back against Hux’s fingers so eagerly, the way his body would lilt just a little to the right every time Hux touched his prostate.

“Does this mean, ah, that I’m taking your virginity?” Kylo asked with a bit of a chuckle.

“Looks like it.” Hux nipped at his hip with his teeth. “Is this good? I don’t want to wait anymore.”

“Then c’mon, Hu—“ Kylo dropped his face into the pillow as Hux quickly withdrew his fingers. It took Hux a few seconds to slick up his packer. Kylo moaned into the pillow as he felt the tip press up against him. Hux slowly guided his packer into Kylo, whose body accepted as if they did this every night.

Hux grasped Kylo’s hips as he bottomed out, both men moaning. Hux could feel the sparks of pleasure Kylo was giving off; it was making every touch and every nerve-ending burn even more.

“Lay on your back instead,” Hux reluctantly withdrew himself from his partner. He was beginning to get an ache in his knees and hips he knew somehow that wasn’t his. It didn’t take long to work himself back into Kylo, his legs locked around Hux’s waist as if Hux had any idea to escape.

“Fuck, this is so much better,” Kylo grabbed onto the pillow beneath his head and arched his back. Hux slid his hands up Kylo’s muscular thighs, along his sides, and down his arms to pin his hands above his head. His body leaned over Kylo’s, putting his lips close enough to kiss Kylo’s sensitive neck. Ren’s body bucked up against Hux’s when he decided to lick his way up to Kylo’s lips.

“Move,” Kylo moaned into Hux’s mouth. “Move your—fuck—hips. Easy, smooth movements.” Kylo pulled one of his hands free and grabbed onto Hux’s side. “Ease into it for now. Like that,” Kylo rested his forehead against Hux’s shoulder, watching and guiding Hux’s thrusts against him. Hux was sure he would have a handprint bruise on his side from how hard Kylo was gripping him.

“We have all the time in the galaxy,” Kylo pressed a soft kiss to Hux’s shoulder. “Take it easy for now,” Kylo murmured before sinking his teeth into his shoulder.

“Fuck,” Hux groaned in a whisper. He couldn’t wait for the day he could simply push Kylo over the edge of the bed, a desk, _something_ and make him beg to be fucked with Hux’s cock.

“That’ll come later,” Kylo reassured with a smile, as if he had heard what Hux had been thinking. “I promise to beg nicely.”

They got into a steady rhythm, a slower pace than what Kylo was used to, but it had been a while since he’d had more than fingers inside him. He also wanted the encounter to last longer than his usual affairs. It was exhilarating to experiment with Hux who was so touch starved, any stimulation sparked pleasure even in Kylo’s body, thanks to the Force-bond.

“Here, I want to try something,” Kylo broke off a kiss to say. He pulled Hux’s right hand away from his side. “Touch me. Like this.”

“I know how to,” Hux argued as Kylo guided his fingers to close tightly around his shaft.

“I know, just trust me, okay?” Kylo groped the bed for the vial of oil to pour over his cock and Hux’s hand. His fingers fumbled to put the stopper back in as Hux began stroking him with long, slow passes. Kylo let the vial drop and grabbed onto Hux’s upper arms, trying to send the sensation to him. Judging by Hux’s gasp, he had been successful.

Hux’s hips bucked up against Kylo excitedly. Kylo would have smiled if he hadn’t been so gone.

“Tighter, Hux. You won’t hurt me. Oh, yes. You feel that? That is almost how it feels to fuck someone. It’s warm and tight. That’s what you would be feeling now, being inside me.”

“Stars, I love you,” Hux said in his excitement. With a hot kiss, he continued stroking in time with his thrusts. It was so easy to fall into the sensation; it felt so good, so right. Kylo tried to keep the sensation of being filled to himself. It took more concentration than he wanted to spend at this moment, but he’d do it for Hux.

“Love you, too,” Kylo said, giddy off of Hux’s happiness. “Keep your hand closed tight.” Kylo moved his hands to wrap his arms around Hux’s neck loosely. As long as he kept the skin-on-skin contact, it was easy to transmit the sensations he wanted. In such a situation, it’d be hard to avoid physical contact.

“Stars, Hux, I won’t last much longer,” Kylo moaned in both pleasure and annoyance. He wanted to give Hux more time to enjoy it, but it’d been so long since Kylo had been touched, since he had even touched himself.

“I don’t want to stop.”

“We’ll do it again, I promise.” Kylo pulled himself up to kiss Hux, his fingertips pressing into Hux’s back. “We’ll do it a lot, if that’s what you want,” Kylo pressed kiss after kiss onto any part of Hux he could reach easiest.

Hux was caught somewhere between feeling his own orgasm caused by the stimulation Kylo had given him and Kylo’s orgasm, both of different intensities and different sensations. He grabbed ahold of how it would feel to be shooting so deep into Ren it would take all night to clean out. He could feel himself absolutely dripping wet, but it was like he couldn’t be bothered with it, not while Ren’s sensations were so _good_ , so _right_.

While Hux was still riding out his own orgasm, Kylo surged forward and kissed him. He could feel Hux’s climax laced with his own, something just a touch stronger, a little longer. It had a different feel to it, but Kylo was so caught up in his own pleasure, it just felt like _more_.

“Wow,” Hux murmured this time. He slowed his hips before slowly pulling himself out. Kylo could only groan; his over-sensitized body protesting against any stimulation. Hux pulled at the straps until they came loose and he could strip himself of the harness and his boxers. He fell beside Kylo with a heavy exhale. Ren rolled over onto his side and rested his head on Hux’s warm stomach. Hux put his fingers through Kylo’s damp hair, almost lovingly.

“Oh, Emperor, we are going to have fun with that little trick,” Kylo chuckled as he slid his hand back and forth over the smooth skin of Hux’s abdomen.

“I suppose having a Force-user as a lover isn’t so bad,” Hux feigned nonchalance.

“That is…That doesn’t happen with all Force-users. That’s the Force-bond at work.”

“I don’t _care_ what it is specifically. I love it.”

“You said you loved me,” Kylo brought up hesitantly. They had already established how Kylo felt. It would be right to assume Hux felt the same, or the Force-bond wouldn’t work as well as it had, Kylo just had a strange urge to hear it in Hux’s voice.

“I did,” Hux didn’t sound as reluctant as Kylo would have thought. “It was in the heat of the moment, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”

Kylo let his eyes close with a soft, short hum. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for the foreseeable future.


End file.
